The Song of Achilles one shots

Roadtrip

"How much longerrrrr!" Achilles whines as he stares out the window just to be met with the endless amount of trees that New Hampshire housed.

" Three hours and a half love." Patroclus had been very patient with Achilles constant questions and requests to stop to take bathroom breaks, but they still had three hours to go and he didn't think he could keep up with Achilles chaocticness.

"Do you think Menelaus and Helen are really going to last this time?" Achilles asks while stuffing gummy worms into his mouth.

"Well better hope they do they're getting married, and I did not just drive seven hours hours so they can end up getting a stupid divorce. But really I think they do have a chance this time, I mean Menelaus actually stopped flirting with every person he sees." Achilles shrugs " Yeah you have a point. Ughh poor Helen having to put up with all his stupid shit!"

Patroclus nods in agreement, Menelaus had put Helen through plenty of shit "Do you think they invited that douche Agamemnon?" Achilles asks looking at Patroclus.

" Well he is Menelaus' brother."  Patroclus was aware of Achilles' strong dislike of Menelaus' douche brother, but to be fair no one really liked him, he thinks Menelaus only kept him around because he's forced to by some family agreement. 

"Ughh I know but what if Menelaus finally got over all his shit and just didn't invite him?" Patroclus smiles " I doubt it, but after the shit he pulled at Diomedes birthday party last year maybe they will tell him to keep it light on the liquor."

Achilles shakes his head " Or maybe hopefully they'll tell him to leave at Seven." Patroclus laughs "Love the reception starts at seven."

"Exactly! Maybe then we can actually enjoy the party." Patroclus shakes his head " One can only pray." Achilles grunts " Ughh dear gods."

"I hope they have fig cake." Achilles says while flipping through radio stations "One can only hope." Patroclus says starring at the road.

" Do you think Odysseus and Penelope are going?"
Patroclus asks " Ughh I hope not I lost a bet with both of them, now I owe them fifty dollars, EACH!" Achilles exasperates.

"Well what was the bet about that you lost so much money?" Patroclus asks " Its was about Helen and Menelaus, if they stayed together Penelope and Odysseus won and if they broke up I won."

Patroclus shakes his head "Well that's ironic." Achilles moans " Yeah a real ironic pain in the ass it's like those two are I don't know like some super smart spy couple or something!" Patroclus laughs " What like Mr. and Mrs. Smith? Why would you go bet against both of them, that's like an automatic lose."

Achilles shrugs " I don't know I thought I had a chance, like I mean did you really think Menelaus and Helen where going to last, nonetheless get married?" Patroclus sighs "Well now you have a point." Achilles stretches out his arms " Exactly no one thought those two where going to last!"

"Now don't think you still don't have chance, those two are never really on the same page, one of them might run at the alter." Patroclus says backing Achilles up "O my gods I would pay good money to see that play out." Achilles giggles.

"I bet if you pay Menelaus enough he would, but that'd be a lot of money." Achilles rolls his eyes "Yeah I'm already one hundred dollars short I can't spare anymore."

" Can we stop at the next Seven Eleven? I need to pee." Achilles asks fiddling with his hair " Yeah but I
the next store is like ten minutes away." Patroclus answers. Achilles puffs a breath " Ugh okay!"

When Achilles and Patroclus enter the gas station store Achilles immediately runs to the bathroom "I'll be back!" Achilles yells from the bathroom door to Patroclus, who only nods in acknowledgement.

"Boo!" Achilles yells from behind Patroclus as he going to grab a water " O gods you scared me Achilles!" Patroclus says punching the side of Achilles' arm.

"Wow no need for that." Achilles says patting Patroclus hand "Yes there is! You scared me!" Patroclus gestures wildly between them.

"It's okay love." Achilles says hugging Patroclus " What do you mean it's okay!?" Patroclus laughs out " I was kidding!" Achilles laughs " I know you where kidding!" Patroclus says backing away from the hug.

"Will this be all?" The cashier asks both of them "Yes." Patroclus responds while taking out his wallet "Okay your total is $32.47." Patroclus nods and hands the cashier the money.

"How did we spend thirty-two dollars worth of junk food? It's only us two." Patroclus asks once there out of the store "I say it's that lemonade you buy, it's like eight dollars." Achilles says pulling the car door open.

"Hey that's what makes its good." Patroclus says while he buckles up " Good my ass that tastes like something I can make from a to go powder patch." Achilles says while fumbling with the plastic bag their stuff came in.

Patroclus rolls his eyes "Shut up." Achilles shakes his head " You shut up and look at the road, you're gonna make us crash!" Achilles yells " O shut up I'm the better driver out of you and me." Achilles gasps " I'm offended! I'm a great driver!"

Patroclus shakes his head " Yes you are dear, but I'm just the better driver." Achilles shakes his finger no "I am the better driver. End of story no more discussion." Patroclus sighs "Whatever you say love."

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"Are we here?" Achilles says waking up from a nap
"Yes, the hotel is five minutes away, you better pick up all your candy wrappers." Achilles rubs his eyes " Yeah yeah sure, but only for you Pat."

"Ugh I hate hotels!" Achilles says putting down both their suitcases "It's only two day Achilles, you can make it two days in a hotel." Patroclus says sitting on the bed.

"Ughh im going to sleep wake me up in the morning." Patroclus says climbing in under the blankets of their bed.

"But loooove what am I supposed to do while you're sleeping!" Achilles whines.

"Ugh I don't know call room service or something if you're hungry." Patroclus mumbles " But I'm not hungry I just want to talk to you!" Achilles says tugging at Patroclus arm " We talked on the road also I'm tried I drove like a billion hours, you got to sleep I didn't." Patroclus answers.

"But Pat." Achilles says exasperated "Goodnight love." Patroclus tells Achilles.

Achilles wait a few seconds before he says Patroclus name again "Pat?" No answer "Love?" Again no answer "Are you asleep Pat?" Again no answer.

"Ugh come on Pat no I have no one to talk to!" Achilles yells, and under the covers Patroclus smiles.