The Smirking Jerk (Blake's POV)

Chapter 44

The real bummer of this visit to the doctor was his usual speech at the end. "Everything looks fine on my end, but I'm going to have to remind you that the best-case scenario for me would be for you to stop playing football completely. There are just too many chances of head trauma and that's something your brain really doesn't need at the moment."

I still got the okay to play though, so coach would be happy.

But I wasn't happy, not exactly.

My mom drove us back home chatting about nonsense stuff, but I could feel her worries.

Was it really selfish of me to keep wanting to play football?

Maybe I should have left coach cut me out of the team.

I loved playing football, but did I like it enough to put my whole health in jeopardy?

I really did love football though, and I knew that after high school, I wouldn't be able to play it again, in a real team that was. I wasn't going to be drafted in any college teams, and I wouldn't even go for try-outs. At that level, my doctor would definitely be against it.

But football meant a lot to me. If it hadn't been for football, I didn't think I would have made so many friends. My only friend would probably be Josh.

For as much as people thought I was popular, I never could have reached that level if not for football. Artsy moody Blake would have stayed hidden in a corner. I didn't have any friends until I started to play football actually. I was just a loner in a corner.

I remember some of the guys saying they had barely ever heard me talk before we started to play together.

So now, because of football I had many friends, friends I knew had my back. Me and the guys, we were a team. It was a kind of brotherhood I hadn't known I would ever have.

I was truly grateful for it.

I knew that even if I stopped playing football, these guys would still hang out with me, but they'd definitely ask questions if I stopped and then things would be different as soon as they would know about my head.

And we would have less reasons of hanging out together.

I didn't want to lose that just yet, especially since the football season only lasted a few of months.

I could manage to not hurt myself in these few months. I could be careful.

I just had to run very fast so no one could tackle me.

I tried to go to bed early that night, but I was just worrying about everything, and couldn't fall asleep.

I really needed to stop thinking sometimes, and live in my head so much.

Lying in my bed, while staring at the ceiling, I realized I had forgotten to ask the doctor for new sleeping pills, because I seriously needed help in that aspect of my life.

I got out of bed in the middle of the night and made myself some tea in the dark, to try to help calming me down.

I ended up sleeping maybe four hours.

That really couldn't be good for me.

            The next day, the guys were all talking about our next game and bickering together, and it reminded me how much I didn't want to lose this, not just yet.

Clark also complained about the fact I hadn't been to any parties lately, like it ever made a difference in his love life that I was around. If anything, it really just didn't help his case.