My hero (Chris Evans)

Chapter 42

Warning: self harm, or mention of it and talking down on themselves, and eating DE
Please read if you may~ Lulu

Please if you are ever dealing with any of those, you aren't alone. Talk to someone and let it all out, we can help you and you are loved and you are always welcomed in my arms. I love you and you are wanted, please never forget that loves🤍

Nicole pov 🦋

Chris and I decided it was best to come back to Boston and go a little ghost on everyone for a couple of days. And that's exactly what we have been doing for the past three weeks.

People would check up on us from here and there. The only ones that knew about the miscarriage was Scott and Ray. Thankfully Scott kept making up stories for why we gone Mia on everyone.

Me and Chris were currently eating in silence, me barley touching my food. Chris didn't eat for the first couple of days but he eventually started eating back to normal, while I on the other hand, took some time... and it still is.

For the past 3 weeks, I have been eating at least half my food in front of Chris and when he wasn't looking, I forced myself to throw it up.

I have been dropping weight drastically and I started wearing baggy clothes, mostly Chris's to cover up the fact that I was and praying to the gods that Chris wouldn't noticed ether.

We stopped having sex ever since that incident, but I still let him hold me though, not only for his sake but for mine. Chris would randomly stare at me, really hard, as if he wants to ask me why I look like I lost more weight but he didn't wanna come out as rude.

"Come on Nicole" Chris said, breaking me out of my thoughts as I hummed at him. "at least finish half" he said. "Look just like I did" he said showing me his plate and giving me a slight smile.

"I don't want too" I mumbled. He sighed and moved closer to me. "What if I feed you, huh?" He said grabbing the spoon and feeding me slowly. At first I was fighting it but then gave in.

I ate half and a little more. Chris kissed my forehead and got up. "Good job baby" he said in a low tone and walked towards the kitchen. I took the opportunity and sprinted towards the bathroom.

I threw up as quickly and as quietly as possible. I flushed the toilet and stood in front of the bathroom mirror and brushed my teeth quickly. I then stared at my figure, I did lose weight at an alarming fast rate.

I then lifted my sleeves and started removing the makeup from my arms to show my scars... yes I was harming myself. How did Chris not noticed yet you might ask?

Well I have been hiding them with makeup and wearing long sleeves only, and luckily for me, Chris has tons of those. When he held me he never really touched my arms as they were around him, so I didn't put much pressure and sting it.

I opened my cabinet to find the same razor who was responsible for the cuts on my wrist and arms. Tears started rolling down my cheeks as I silently sobbed as I lowered the razor closer to my wrist.

I bit my lip as the razor did it's first cut of the day. The sting making my eyes more watery. I lifted up the razor to do another one when the door randomly opened and I hurried to turn around.

"Hey babe have you seen..." Chris started but immediately saw two small drops of blood on the floor and me quickly putting my sleeves down as I wiped my eyes.

"Baby.." he said, almost a tone where he was about to cry. He saw the razor in my hands and cautiously approached me. "Baby put it down" he said, just a few feet away from me but I backed up a bit.

"Baby" he cooed, taking in a deep breath. "Give it to me, when you are ready" he said and extended his hand. I slowly looked at it and sighed, handing it to him at a very slow paste.

I started sobbing drastically and collapsed but Chris caught me just in time and held me closely and tightly towards him as I sobbed into his chest.

He held me so tight and started kissing my head and I felt small tears hit my head. "I am so sorry" I managed to say through my cries. "I don't deserve you" I said and he stopped and cupped my face with his hands.

Wiping all the tears coming from me with the pads of his thumbs and let his own run. "Baby don't say that, I love you, and you deserve the whole universe. You are unique and loving and the most caring person in the world. We will get through this babe"

"And you aren't worthless, you are gorgeous and worth more then all the money and gold and diamonds in the world all together. You might not be perfect, but you are perfect to me. You are you and that's what makes you beautiful" he said and he left small kisses on my lips as he spoke.

"I am so sorry I didn't found out sooner love" he said softly and took a step back and held my hands. I looked at him with a slight worried look. He noticed and looked at me and slightly smiled.

"May I?" He said and I nodded. He lifted up my sleeve to find my scars and I closed my eyes shut. I heard a small sighed sob from him and he lifted my shirt to find how much weight I lost.

"Baby I am so so sor-" I started but he shut me up by kissing me, so gently and softly. He held me so gently as if I was made of glass.

"Baby why didn't you say something sooner" he said softly and I sighed. "I was scared" I said and he held me close. "I should have asked the moment I noticed.." he said. I locked eyes with him and slightly smiled.

"I love you Christopher" I said softly, my eyes watery. "I love you too Nicole" he said. "But, I really think we should start seeing my therapist, together, you and me" he said and I hesitantly I nodded.

He noticed that and held me closer. "Don't worry baby, I got you, always have and always will" he said softly. "Now, how about we take a warm bath and I clean this up while the tub fills up" he said and I nodded.

I slowly took off my clothes as he cleaned the bathroom. He took a good look at my body and my scar, and softly scolded himself for not finding out sooner.

He took the razor and violently threw to the trash as I watched and slowly lowered myself in the tub. The water finally reached where we wanted it and I filled the tub with bubbles as Chris took off his clothes.

We were both completely naked and I moved forward a bit to give him room. He lowered himself behind me and immediately wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer.

I sighed and rested my body against his chest. I felt him softly kiss my shoulder and started leaving soft, warm kisses up my neck then back down. Not gonna lie, I missed this, a lot. "You are beautiful baby" he whispered in my ear and I slightly smiled.

~
Please vote and sorry for breaking y'all's heart on this one 🥺.

Just wanted to say there is people out there who is truly going through something like this, so please be kind, trust me, speaking from someone who experienced it, not only to me but to someone I really love and trust me, it's not easy.

Reach out for support babes, I love you and always will.