"He was once mine but then I lost him. I couldn't protect him even as I had vowed to do. But, I brought him back to life. Now, he is reborn and so is I. I will walk through hell and high waters. I will break laws and bones until I have had him in my...
When he finally got the nerve to open the door, the room was exactly what he had expected. Plain, neat, and smells of chemicals that made his nose burn and his eyes water slightly. His eyes scanned the grey walls and the pieces of furniture, trying to avoid landing on the center of the room where he knew his lover was lying. Eventually, he couldn't avoid it any longer and he lets them fall to Levon limp form tucked under the pristine white sheets and what looked like at least a hundred blankets. Levon looked like a mannequin, a life-sized doll of some sort in that bed. He looked so pale, so still and lifeless. The white sheets surrounding him only worsened the paleness of his skin, so much that he would almost look like a ghost, were it not for the dark bags underneath his eyes. His mouth parted slightly as his head lay back against the pillow behind him.
He thought he had cried enough but the tears that began to roll down his cheeks this time were like a river that he doubts would stop any time soon and the shaking returns with a vengeance. His eyes roam over the sight in front of him, and his stomach turns uncomfortably the more he takes in the state of his soulmate. His forehead has a large bandage on it pushing back some of his beautiful brown curls. He looks to the side of the bed where he found the tube that has been inserted into Levon's side, leaving a large incision in his torso that makes him wince.
Dylon sought the nearest trashcan in the room, just in case. Levon was lying deathly still apart from the violent shivers wracking through his body, the shaking so intense Dylon could see the tiny tremors from the door. Levon was surrounded by so many machines that he's almost lost in the chaos of the room. He walks slowly to Levon's side like he was approaching a sleeping baby, a comparison that seems valid given how vulnerable his lover looked- at first afraid to touch him but quickly felt the need for physical contact overpowering it.
***~~***
Dylon feels the overwhelming need to feel his lover if only to convince himself that his pale skin is still warm. He lightly places his hand on the top of Levon's head, he thought he felt him unconsciously lean into his touch desperately like it is the only comfort he could find. Dylon could feel tears welling in his eyes again before he could stop them, and right there, staring down at his broken lover who would sacrifice everything for him, he allowed himself to let go of his little control.
He clutches onto Levon's arms lightly as he sobs, trying to push the images of Levon's current state and all the memories from the last few weeks out with his tears. When he has finished, with swollen eyes that are still much too blurry, he collapses back into one of the chairs at Levon's bedside, letting his forehead crash lightly onto the mattress next to his soulmate's arm. His hand came up to reach Levon's and he intertwined their fingers, giving in to his own need for comfort. He could feel Levon's pulse steady in his fingertips, and the feeling soothes him.
But then he reminded himself he doesn't deserve to be soothed.
This was all his fault. The detective did say someone had attempted a threat on his life and who knew who that person was and the reason for wanting to kill the love of his life.
***~~***
Levon who had been nothing but kind and supportive almost absurdly so since he arrived at their school. Even with everything he had done to him, he didn't stop loving him, he didn't hate him. Louis who had helped him countless times before, who had stuck with him through so much, much more than most sane people would, and he was here almost dying and all because of his own stupid fear of insecurities. If he hadn't pushed him away. If he had let himself feel the warmth Levon filled his body with that day in the locker room, if he hadn't gone and dated Vera, maybe none of this would have happened. And the knowledge that he could have stopped this is almost worse than the pain he feels seeing Levon's state.
"Lou...?" He whimpers, letting out another round of sobbing. He's still waiting for Louis to open his eyes and laugh at him for being so scared, still hoping that he'll tell him that it was all a cruel prank, but he knew he wouldn't. He could feel it. It's a horrible, gut-wrenching feeling deep in his chest that spreads through his entire body and renders him immobile aside from the tremors that wrack through him every few seconds. It's the feeling of Levon not being there, and it hurts worse than he ever thought anything could.
Sobs that stutter and catch his throat as he tries in vain to draw breath past the horrible sounds. Memories begin flooding through his mind, images, and words that he tries so hard to ignore, but he couldn't stop them from replaying over and over again as he stares down at his limp soulmate.
***~~***
"I died because I didn't want anything to do with that life anymore which by the way included you and you stupidly had to follow me just like you've always done since you were a little boy!"
"You should go back home Levon, there is no place for you here. No home for you here. I don't want to have anything to do with you in this life. Leave me the fuck alone. I'm done with you. I don't need you. I don't want you and I. Don't. Love. You!"
"You don't have to say anything, Louis, just move on with your life. This is a new beginning, a new opportunity for you and me, we shouldn't get together again because it wouldn't end well."
"I hate you and I don't want you anymore, Levon, go away and never come back!"
After all, he said to him, After all, he had done to him. Even with his current condition, he still visited him in his dreams, he still made love to him, he still asked if he was okay and told him not to worry.
"You should understand that I feel you in every heartbeat, Danny, no matter what happens, always remember that."
Remembering his words to him, Dylon felt dizziness wash over him without warning.
He's going to be sick.
He lurches for the trashcan, barely manages to catch the rim of it with his shaking fingers, and pulls it to himself just in time for his stomach to begin purging itself of the food and bile that had filled it. He keeps his head down as he retches, gagging over and over as he tries in vain to rid himself of the disgusting, sickening feeling that's settled in his stomach. As he stays there, hovering over the trash and with the suspicion that he's going to throw up again, the horrid truth dawns on him once again.
He had hurt his soulmate. He had hurt Louis more than he thought he was capable of. He'd abused him, hit him, betrayed him, and had broken him. And then he pushed him away.
Even into the near grasp of death.
***~~***
*********************
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
