>>> reasons to live <<<

eleven

tw! brief mention of su*cide! stay safe :) i'm here if you need to talk

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at around 10:45am, bruce had finished his homework and decided it was about the time that he wanted to pack up his stuff and leave the library. he walked to the his house and check around to make sure his mom had already left for work. when he determined that she was gone, he unlocked the door and went inside. he looked in the refrigerator and decided to eat a little something so he wouldn't look so awful when he saw thor later. 'not like it will make a difference,' bruce scolded himself, but ate half a sandwich anyway. 'just in case,' he thought as he finished up the sandwich. he spotted a note on the kitchen table and picked it up, 'next time just tell me where you're going, brucie! love, mom,' bruce read the note and sighed. by the time he finally stood up from his place at the table, it was almost 12pm. bruce went to take a shower and sat on the floor of the shower, crying, for what felt like hours. this was his routine now. the shower was the only place he felt truly safe and he would lie or sit on the shower floor for much longer than he should, feeling the boiling water temporarily burn his skin while he sobbed about everything he felt guilty about.

by 3pm, he was out of the shower, in his work uniform, and staring at his notebook. 'reasons to live,' he read his writing again. the numbers beneath it were still completely blank. he wanted desperately to write tony's name back in the list, but, after what he had done last night, after the look on tony's face, bruce was sure that tony was done with him. he hadn't received texts from anyone but thor since he got to the library that morning. bruce sighed and flipped over to the next page. 'reasons not to live,' bruce read, looking over the list. 'number 25,' he wrote, 'tony is truly done with me.' he took a shaky breath and closed the book before he could cry about it.

bruce thought about thor. 'could he be my number one reason?' bruce let himself think before shaking his head, 'what's wrong with you, bruce. he's going to come by today and tell you what a freak you are. you know that. you are a freak. why did you kiss him? he hates you now. you ruin everything.' bruce bites his lip to keep tears from spilling over. he feels like all he does nowadays is cry. he opened his notebook again, 'number 26. all i do is cry.'  he closed the book again and shoves it in his backpack. he's grateful that he doesn't have to carry his backpack to work today as he slips his wallet, phone, and keys into his pockets.

he arrives at work and impatiently waits for thor to show. finally it's almost 8pm and thor comes in, requesting a table in bruce's section. bruce brings him his regular pepsi and asks if he needs anything else. thor smiles and shakes his head, happily sipping his soda while he waits for bruce's break. about 15 minutes later, thor orders a pizza, which bruce was sure he would do, so he had already had it put in the oven. after what feels like forever, bruce's boss says that he can go on break. he sits in the booth with thor and thor, once again, offers bruce a slice of his pizza. "oh, no thank you," bruce declines politely, but thor continues holding it out to him. "please take it, bruce," he hears a slight break in thor's voice and decides to take the slice. he carefully cuts the pizza up into small squares, taking small bites to try and satisfy thor. thor watches him carefully, in silence, and bruce feels uneasy so he begins speaking, "so, thor... did you bring my homework?" thor looks as though he was snapped out of a trance, "uh... y-yeah, i brought it." he produces a green paper folder with bruce's name on the front.

"th-thank you," bruce blushes. "it's far too much homework. i would lose my mind if i had to do that much a night," thor says, laughing. bruce shrugs, "i guess it's alot. i'm just used to it, i think." thor nods, "yeah, you are one of the smartest kids in our class." "i guess," bruce chuckles quietly. he's definitely smart, basically destined for ivy league if he doesn't kill himself first. "you guess? you absolutely destined for success," thor says, in disbelief. "yeah, i suppose," bruce says, taking another small bite of pizza. they sit in silence for a couple of minutes before thor clears his throat, "so, um, bruce. about this morning-" 'oh, no,' bruce thinks, 'here is comes.' "-i want to make sure you know i'm not upset with you or disgusted or anything like that," thor says and bruce is surprised. "y-you're not mad at me?" bruce shakes his head, "are you sure?" "yes, i'm sure, bruce. i actually..." thor trails off, blushing. 'you what!' bruce urges thor in his mind.

thor takes a deep breath, "i actually liked it. alot." "what?" bruce wants to be sure he heard him right. "i liked the kiss, bruce. quite alot. sorry if that freaks you out, i know we basically just met," thor rushes out and bruce is in absolute disbelief. "are you kidding me? are you pranking me or something, thor?" bruce shakes his head before seeing the hurt in thor's eyes. "it's not a prank," thor quickly recovers, "i do like you, bruce. the reason i didn't kiss you back is because i was taken completely by surprise. before you kissed me, though, i was thinking about kissing you." bruce feels tears streaming down his face and thor looks panicked, "what's wrong, bruce? why are you crying?" bruce shakes his head again, "i like you too, thor. alot. you're the first good thing to happen to me in a long time." thor feels his heart melt and bruce's phone alarm goes off, scaring them both. "i have to go back in," bruce says, sadly. thor reaches over, wiping the tears from bruce's face. bruce laughs before standing up to go back to work. he feels thor grab his hand and his stomach has the same butterflies fluttering around. "do you want to come over soon?" thor asks and bruce smiles, "yes, thor. i do." "tonight? after you get off?" thor asks and bruce nods, even though he knows it'll be late and his mother will probably be angry with him again.

thor waits around for an hour and a half until bruce gets off. they send giddy smiles back and forth until it's finally time for bruce to get off. he clocks out and closes up shop, then heads to where thor is waiting in his truck. 'i can't believe this is actually happening,' bruce thinks as they make their way to thor's house, a big smile on his face. bruce hasn't felt this happy since his dad went into remission when he was 9. it got better before it got worse. bruce hoped that this situation wouldn't lead to similar results.