>>> reasons to live <<<

four

bruce heads home that night to an empty house. it is friday night and he knows his mother won't be home until 6am. he grabs an apple from the kitchen and realizes he hasn't eaten all day. 'i didn't even notice that i was hungry,' he thinks as he bites into the apple. maybe he was too distracted to notice today. bruce goes up to his room and sits at his desk, taking his books out. he takes thor's $50 bill out of his pocket and puts it in his backpack to return it to him. bruce does his homework for the weekend and then takes a shower. he stands under the boiling water for what feels like hours. it was only about 30 minutes, though, and bruce steps out of the shower to a text from tony. he ignores it and heads back to his room. he puts his notebook on his desk and opens it to his list. he reads it over and over again and, when nothing new comes to mind, he flips to the next page. 'reasons not to live,' bruce writes and numbers it one through ten. first, he writes the things that he thought of earlier and then he keeps adding and adding until his page is filled with things like 'noone will ever love you' and 'you're worth more to your family gone'. before bruce realizes it, he is crying. not sobbing, just quiet tears streaming down his face. he quietly stands up and lays down in his bed, crying himself to sleep.

bruce's weekend is uneventful, full of ignoring the growl in his stomach and ignoring the texts from tony. he tries to catch up on reading, but he feels like there is nothing in the world that he wants to read. this upsets bruce quiet alot, because reading used to be his favorite hobby. now he feels like he does want to do anything but lay. and cry. he spends the weekend scrolling through his phone and crying in the shower. monday comes before bruce knows it and he does his usual morning routine. packs his bag, changes clothes, uses the bathroom, and grabs a granola bar before he leaves for the bus stop. he spends the ride nibbling on the snack and listening to music. he gets off the bus and walks to his locker, completely ignoring tony along the way. tony pulls out one of bruce's earbuds, "hey, what the fuck, man?" bruce can't help the anger in his tone. "'what the fuck?' i should be asking you the same thing," tony said, glaring, "you ignore my texts all weekend and you are ignoring me now too. what is wrong? what did i do?" "fuck off, tony. please. i'm sorry, but i'm not telling you what's wrong with me because news flash! it's none of your fucking business. if i wanted you to know, i would have fucking told you," bruce doesn't understand why he is so angry at tony, but he can't help yelling. people are watching now and bruce looks around at them. then he looks back at tony, who has heartbreak in his eyes. "bruce, please, you're my best friend-" tony begins and bruce cuts him off, "you have a million other friends, go fucking bother one of them!" bruce slams his locker and walks off to his next class. he knows people are watching him, but he doesn't look back.

bruce huffs as he sits down next to thor in his first class of the day. "hey, banner-" thor begins but is cut off by bruce, "one, i don't appreciate being pranked. two, i am not in the fucking mood. and three, i don't want your money." bruce takes the $50 bill and slams it onto thor's desk. he turns back to his bag before thor can say anything else and he doesn't look up from his notebook until the end of class. he looks at thor, thor looks at bruce, and thor seems hurt. the money is still on his desk and thor seems to have no intention of taking it with him. "aren't you going to take that?" bruce points to the money and thor shakes his head, "it is for you, i don't want it back." bruce feels himself getting angry again, but he just snatches it off the desk before taking his bag and leaving the room.