Perfectly Wrong | Grayson Dolan

8

Grayson

I could feel Ethan staring at me from the other end of the couch, and it was pissing me off. He does such weird things sometimes, and I didn't know why he was burning the side of my face off with his eyes as we watched tv.

Brooklyn was in her room, just like she had been since breakfast was over. It was only the early afternoon, but it was rainy and grey outside.

Irritation finally got the best of me, and I glanced at my brother who was still staring me down.

"What?" I asked.

"Did you go out last night after you brought Brooklyn home?"

"No, why?"

Ethan's face drained of color, and then his eyes widened. "Why is there a hickey on the side of your neck?"

"What?"

"Unless you burnt yourself or something, I don't know."

"Shit. Shit. Shit," I said, jumping up and racing towards the kitchen.

Ethan slowly got up and followed me, watching me as I grabbed a spoon and put it into the freezer.

"Did you guys—?"

I sighed, closing my eyes. "You can't tell a soul."

"Dude, Mom's gonna be so pissed if she finds out."

"I know," I said. "That's why you can't say anything."

"So, is there something going on between the two of you?"

"I don't know," I said. "It's all so confusing right now. I think we both know it can't happen again, but I can't stop thinking about it."

Ethan and I stopped our conversation when Brooklyn came jogging downstairs, carrying her purse while slipping her shoes on on her way out.

"I'll be back," she said. "You two behave."

Ethan laughed. "I don't think I'm one of the two people who need to behave," he said before jogging up the stairs.

Brooklyn walked towards the kitchen. "You told him?" she whispered-yelled.

"I didn't have to," I said, showing her the side of my neck. "This did it for me."

Brooklyn's eyes widened. "Oh my god. I am so stupid."

"He's not gonna tell anyone," I said. "Ethan is a good secret-keeper."

Brooklyn closed her eyes. "I got us into this mess. Ugh, I hope things aren't gonna be weird between us, now."

"Hey," I said, gently putting my hands on her shoulders. "It's cool. We're cool. You do your thing, and I'll do mine. We don't have to make a huge deal out of it."

"It is a big deal though," she said. "I've never been with someone that cared about me, and it felt—I don't know, different. I don't think I've ever felt this confused, and I don't know why my heart is beating so fast right now, and I don't know why I've been thinking about you all day."

"It's called feelings," I said. "They're okay to have. You're not as emotionless as you think, Brooklyn. You have a bigger heart than you realize. Sometimes those things just take other people's care before they can appear."

A tear slipped out of Brooklyn's eye as she stared down at our feet. "I'm sorry. I know it shouldn't have happened and that I'm not the kind of girl you should be with. You deserve better than me."

"Brooklyn, what are you talking about?"

"You deserve someone who is happy, and confident and doesn't have so much trauma, and someone who can actually love you the way you deserve. I don't think I have the capacity to love someone. You deserve better than that."

"Brooklyn," I said as she started to pull away. She started walking to the door. "Brooklyn, come on. You can talk to me."

She leaned her head against the door, still facing away from me as the silent tears I couldn't see streamed down her face. I could tell she was crying by the way her shoulders were shaking. "I'll be back later," she said.

She opened the door and left without another word, and I was left to my thoughts.

Does she think that I wouldn't want to be with her because of what happened to her in the past? Does she think she's not good enough?

How does she not realize that I don't care about any of those things? I like Brooklyn for Brooklyn. All of the things she says she can't do are things I'm willing to do for her.

If she says she doesn't have the capacity to love someone, that's okay. I can love enough for the both of us.

Why the fuck am I even thinking these things? Brooklyn and I couldn't be together. It makes no sense. Maybe she doesn't want to be with me, and that's why she's avoiding the feelings conversation.

I went upstairs and slammed my bedroom door, pounding on it a few times until I got my frustrations out. This is all so complicated.

I got out my phone and scrolled through snapchat to see if any of the names sparked an interest, but none of them did.

Brooklyn doesn't have snapchat.

Great. I'm ruined now. I don't even like the thought of being with another girl, because Brooklyn was the best I've ever had and nothing can compete with her.

"God damn it!" I yelled out in bewilderment.

"Gray?" Ethan's voice rang out from the other side of the door.

"Yeah?"

"Are you alright?"

I opened the door, and Ethan's eyebrows furrowed in concern. "Dude, you're sweating."

"I'm just having a weird day," I said. "Do you know where Brooklyn went?"

"No. Why?"

"I don't know. She's been gone a while."

"Grayson, you should sit down," Ethan said. "You're kind of making me nervous."

Sitting down, I glanced at my brother. "I'm just so confused."

Ethan sat down next to me. "Is this about the Brooklyn thing?"

"Yeah," I said. "I was looking through Snapchat to see if any girls I had on there sparked an interest in my mind, but I realized I was looking for Brooklyn's name and then I got frustrated. I don't know if it's because she's the one thing I shouldn't have, but I think she's driving me crazy in a good and a bad way. I only mean bad as in it shouldn't be happening, but it is."

Ethan patted my back. "You should download Tinder."

I love Ethan. He's my twin brother, and my best friend in the whole world.

But sometimes I hate him.

And now is one of those moments.