As Long As You Need

45-Long Distance?*

Now that we are back from spring break, it's time to return to reality. 

Which means I finally have to tell Noah about Stanford. 

When will I do that? 

Well that is a great question, just like everything in my life I push it off. 

I told Delilah the news and she thinks he'll be ok with long distance if he decides to stay but am I ok with long distance?

My parents did it for three years but can Noah and I?

The question lays on me like a brick.

The water shuts off in the bathroom and a few moments later Noah emerges in nothing but a towel. 

"Hey gorgeous." He says stalking over to me. 

I smile sitting up on my knees, "Hey handsome." He gets to the edge of the bed and I wrap my arms around his neck, his own wrap around my waist. 

He kisses me slowly before I deepen the kiss. I open my mouth welcoming his tongue as he tilts me back onto the bed hovering over me. 

At some point his towel falls off and my shorts and shirt disappear. 

"God I could kiss you all day." Noah rasps into my neck. I arch into him feeling him press against my core. 

He kisses down my body hooking his thumbs in my underwear and sliding them down my legs throwing them somewhere in the room. 

One of his fingers slips inside of me as he sucks on my left nipple.

"Noah." I breath out dragging my nails down his back. He switches to the other nipple adding a seconds finger, this thumb rubbing my clit. 

I feel the orgasm wanting to ripple through me as he bites my nipple tugging it into his mouth. 

Dragging my nails deeper into his skin he moans, "Fuck Bails." The sound of my name on his lips has been crying out his name in release. 

Coming down from my high he kisses his way up to my lips. 

I grind on him as his right hand grips my thigh wrapping it around his hip. 

He positions himself at my entrance slowly pushing into me. Feeling him fill me is such a euphoric feelings. 

Sliding in and out he moves in me strategically. 

I wrap one arm around his pulling him impossibly close to me. 

In this moment I know I could handle long distance. I could handle almost anything if I was with him. 

He's it for me. 

He drives into me harder bitting my bottom lip. 

I gasp and he leans his forehead on mine. We stare into each others eyes as he fucks me. 

"I love you." I say breathlessly and a smile spreads across his face, "I love you Bails, more than you can imagine."

Then I begin to realize we are making love. 

Like straight out of a movie, and it is so amazing.

After we lay there my head on his chest as he plays with my hair. 

"Do you think you'll ever get tired of it?" I ask. "What do you mean?" He asks and I let out a breath. 

"Me, this, us. Being with me." He sits up looking down at me eyebrows furrowed, "Why would you ever think that?"

I shrug, "You could have anyone you wanted and in two months we are graduating, maybe you'll meet someone better."

He shakes his head cupping my cheeks, "I could never meet anyone better than you Bails."

"I got into Stanford." I say ripping off the bandaid. 

His hands drop to his sides, "You did?" He asks and I nod, "Yeah."

"And you're going?" I nod again, "Yes I am."

I watch him gulp, "So you're moving all the way to California?" I suddenly feel cold, my heart is hammering in my chest. I don't like where this conversation is going. 

"Y-yes, but you can always come too I know you got in. And even if you choose to stay here we can do long distance." He shakes his head. I watch as he stands putting on a pair of sweat pants. 

"No this was good." He says and I furrow my brows in confusion, "What was good?"

"This conversation, you telling me this. You were worried I'd fine someone better but we all know you can find someone better. better than me at your new school."

I shake my head sitting up, "No I can't Noah I don't care where we go to school I want to stay with you."

"But I can't stay with you Bails." My heart stops. I am pretty sure it did. It feels like it. Is this what having your heart ripped out feels like?

"What do you mean?" I ask but it comes out as a whisper. 

He sighs running a shaky hand through his hair, "You deserve the opportunity to find someone new, someone better for you."

"But I already told you I don't want anyone else, please don't do this." Don't rip my heart out. 

"I can't do long distance. I love you so much Bails but I can't."

"Why not?" I shout. 

"Because it isn't fair to you." I open and close my mouth. 

Standing up I slip one of his shirts on rounding my bed to stand in front of him, "Please." A tear slips from my eye. 

I go to grab his hand and he tugs it away. A pang of hurt runs through me. 

"Please." I plead again my throat feeling tight as I try to hold back the tears. 

He looks down at me, fresh tears glistening in his eyes. 

This wasn't how it was supposed to go, we would argue about where we would go. Eventually deciding on whether he would go there with me or go to school in Texas. If it came down to it we would both agree that long distance would work because it was us. We would make-up and everything would be ok. 

This doesn't feel ok. 

This feels anything but ok. 

He leans down pressing a lingering kiss on my cheek, "I'm sorry." He whispers in my ear before turning around and walking out of my room. 

Walking away from us.