As Long As You Need

11-First Kisses

The rest of the week went by better than I thought it would. After talking to Noah even more that night, he helped me see that I could only do so much. We laid there the rest of the night.

By the morning when I woke up he was gone. I figured he wouldn't stay I mean we aren't even friends, but we're more than acquaintances. I don't know what we are. 

When I came back to school Derrick asked how I was. I didnt tell him the truth, that I was blaming my self. That just felt too private for him to know. 

Noah and I are ok now I think. He sat by me in calc today and actually talked to me. It wasn't much but it was better than where we were. 

I can't say the same about Brady. We still haven't spoken, I guess that's my fault though. I just can't face him right now.

There was a home game last night, I wore Derricks jersey again. I actually watched him play and he was really good. I mean he is the captain for a reason I suppose. 

Right now its Saturday night. I am currently on a date with Derrick. We went to the fall fair. We played a few games, I don't think he realized just how uncoordinated I am. I didn't win us anything but he won me a cute stuffed frog. I named him Cork. 

Now we are doing the whole date wrap up thing. He drove me home walked me to my door. Now usually he just kisses me on the cheek and leaves but this time he's stalling. 

"You ok?" I ask him he looks nervous.

He nods his head, "Yeah." he smiles.

Then he begins to lean down, but instead of kissing my cheek he kisses me.

I mean kisses me.

On the lips. 

Pardon?

It takes me a moment but I kiss him back. The kiss is only a few seconds and then he pulls away.

"Goodnight Bailey." he says walking back to his car.

"Y-yeah goodnight." I say back before heading inside. I run to my room, shut my door and face plant into the bed. He just kissed me. 

It's not that I haven't been kissed before, this time was different. Ok so maybe I only have one other experience to compare it to. 

My first and only other kiss was during the summer before 8th grade. Noah and I were at the park. Brady had gone home and left me there, and Noah stayed behind to make sure I got home ok since it was dark out. 

We were sitting on the swings when all of a sudden he leaned over and kissed me. It was only a quick kiss, but it felt like so much more to me. 

After that we never talked about, it was just sort of swept under the rug. I guess with everything else we do. 

Even though this one was longer and I am older it didnt feel the same. I mean I guess it shouldn't two 13 year olds kissing versus two 18 year olds kissing should not be the same. I just didnt get that feeling.

The flutter in your stomach, the feeling of your heartbeat increasing. Nothing. 

It's probably because they are two different people. That's it. 

I change out of my clothes into a pair of sweats and a t shirt since the weather is getting colder. 

Laying down in my bed I can't help but think of my first kisses. With Noah we were young it was quick and I had always had a crush on him.

With Derrick we were older, it was longer and I never really gave him a second glance until this year. 

Ugh.

I try to call Delilah to see what she thinks but she didn't answer. I would call Matt but until I know exactly what's happening between him and Delilah I don't want to talk to him.

Can't talk to Brady about it or dad or Caleb. I need more girlfriends. 

Of course I can't talk to Noah or Derrick about it either saying they are apart of my dilemma. 

The only person I can think of is my Aunt Peggy. After my mom died she reached out to me, and we became closer. I only see her during the holidays though since she lives in Connecticut. We still talk on the phone sometimes. 

I grab my phone and dial her number. Hopefully she's not busy. 

After a few rings she picks up.

"Hello"

"Hey Aunt Peggy" I say into the phone.

"How are you dear?"

I tell her how I've been and how schools been going. I also realize I can't say Noah's name cause she knows who he is.

"So I called you cause I need some advice." I say chewing on my bottom lip. 

"Ok." she says and I take a deep breath. 

"So I am dating this boy and we had our first kiss tonight."

"Oh that's wonderful. I am so happy Noah finally asked you out."

I snort, "No its not Noah, his names Derrick."

Didn't dad think the same thing?

"Oh sorry, I just thought nevermind."

I laugh, "So anyways we kissed and I had only kissed one other guy before but it was a long time ago. Both of the kisses felt different."

"How so?" she asks curiously.

"Well with the first guy we were younger and I think the kiss at the time meant a lot to me. While with the other guy I'm older and we've only known each other a few months."

She sighs, "Do you really like this Derrick."

I think about it for a moment, "I mean yeah he's respectful, sweet, kind." 

She laughs, "That doesn't mean you have to like him."

"Doesn't it? I mean that's every girls dream guy."

I shift so I am laying on my stomach.

"Yes girls want a guy with those attributed but that's not all you need to look for. Does he make you happy? Are you completely yourself around him? When you guys have conversations is there awkward pauses, or do you guys just naturally continue to find something to talk about. Does he make you laugh?-" she continues listing off things.

I guess I never really thought about it. He does make me happy. I am my self around him, I think. Yeah there's awkward pauses during our conversations but it's because we don't know much about each other yet. Come to think of it I don't even know his toothpaste brand. 

"He does make me happy Aunt Peggy  I promise." I hear her sigh again.

"If he makes you happy then I say give him a chance, but if there is someone out there who can do more than that maybe give them a chance too. You are only eighteen after all. I got to go honey but I'll talk to you later." 

We say our goodbyes and get off the phone. What did she mean by someone else?

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A/N more of a filler chapter

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Edited