Tame Her Heart [UNEDITED]

Kabanata 18

Kabanata 18

I'm completely froze in my place when he asked me that question. His eyes we're blazing in fire and now, I'm having second thoughts if I'll tell him that we have a son. But no! I don't want to disappoint Mazon that's why I'll risk. It's okay if he'll get mad at me but damn.. I don't want to take away my son's happiness.

"Sabihin mo, Mary. May anak ba tayo?" Mula sa pagiging mariin. Naging malambot ang kanyang boses dahilan para kahit papaano ay mapanatag ako. 

Pero ang galit, sakit, pagsisisi, at pangungulila ay mababakas parin sa asul niyang mga mata.

"Bakit mo naman nasabi 'yan?"

Gusto kong palakpakan ang sarili ko nang hindi manginig ang boses ko sa kaba at takot na nadarama. After all, I really want to asked that. Kung bakit niya 'yon nasabi at kung bakit bigla nalang siyang nanghinala na may anak kami. He must have a reason.

"I met this boy.." he whispered and bow his head. Like he was afraid if I see how weak he is. "nawala siya sa palengke. Gusto niya ng umiyak.. pero pinipigilan niya lang. He bump into me and when I saw him. Damn, it was like I'm looking at my old self. That I was looking at my self in the past."

Imagine my shock and nervousness that I felt when he stated that. Mabuti nalang at nakatungo siya dahil kung hindi, paniguradong makikita niya ang totoong emosyon sa mga mata ko.

Wala naman kasing sinabi si Mazon sa akin! Or he keep it from me because he know that I don't want to talk about his father. Hindi ko man ito derektang sabihin, alam kong naiintindihan na ito ni Mazon. But it was before. Now is different.

"I don't know what to do that time." Pagpapatuloy niya ngunit ang boses niya ay hinang-hina. "I want to hold him, to hug him. But I can't even move a muscle but just to stare at him. And you know what he said to me?" He chuckled heartily and stared at me.

I was startled a bit when I saw hope in his eyes. Like he was hoping that that boy is his son.

"What?"

"He said, are you my Papa?" He chuckled. "we have the same eyes and we're look a like, that's what he said. But what shock me more when he said his name." He shut his eyes close and when he open it again, his eyes glisten in tears. "His name is Mazon. Our combined names. Nakisuyo ako sa isang tao na ihatid siya sa kasama niya dahil hindi ko kaya, nasasaktan ako, Mary."

I took a deep breath while my heart was booming inside my chest. But in a painful way. Nasasaktan ako kasi, nakikita ko sa mga mata ni Khenzon ang pag-asa na sana.. sana nga anak niya ang nakita niya.

"Magagalit ka ba kapag sinabi ko sayong oo? Na anak natin ang nakita mo?" My voice suddenly quivered but I tried my best to not cry in front of him.

Instead, he hug me so tight and cry in my shoulder. Hindi ko na namalayang umiiyak rin pala ako habang mahigpit ang yakap niya sa akin.

"I'm mad. I'm fucking mad." His voice quivered and a sob escape his mouth.

Mabilis na pinunasan ko ang luha na naglandas sa aking pisngi ngunit patuloy ang pagdaloy nito. Hinanda ko na ang sarili ko na sabihin niya 'yon pero bakit? Bakit ako nasasaktan?

"I-It's okay. I understand." Napasinghot ako at pinunasan muli ang luha sa aking pisngi ngunit sa'tuwing may pinupunasan ako, may dadaloy ulit na luha galing sa mga mata ko.

"Pero hindi sayo.. hindi sayo." Umiling-iling siya sa balikat ko habang mahigpit ang yakap sa akin. "galit ako sa sarili ko. Sobrang galit na galit ako."

"Don't be." Pinilit kong magpakagatatag at marahan na hinagod ang kanyang likod upang patahanin siya ngunit hindi ko magawa.

Hindi ko alam kung magiging masaya ba ako na hindi siya galit sa akin o masasaktan dahil ngayon, galit siya sa kanyang sarili.