Waves of Love | completed

31. The Haldi.

Nandini

The anxiety I had been trying to calm down from last 3 days came rushing back to me as soon as I woke up. It's my wedding today. My court marriage. My haldi and then my marriage. I'd have to bid bye to my family and start a new life with Manik. Why? Why should only the girls had to go through every torture to get anything in life? Get married— leave family. Get kids— suffer the pain. Get divorced— hear taunts from the society. Why always us? Why no one ever blames boys? Never lets them feel the pain, the suffering? Why only the girl had to suffer everything, only to hear 'karti hi kya ho tum.?' Why God, why? How can you be so cruel.?

"Bacha.. Nandu. Kya hua.?" I heard my mother shake me. Her face frowned. Scared. Confused. She sat down in front of me and wiped my tears away.

"Bacha. Kya hua?" She asked softly as I leaned in to her chest. She knows the answer, she knows how terrified I am of today.

It's my wedding, I should be happy and at some point I am. But what about this nagging feeling in chest? This feeling of something breaking inside my heart, crushing my soul? The parents who taught me how to learn, will walk me out today only for someone else to hold my hand and take away everything my parents had worked for, why? Parents who fed me food by their own hands, who took care of me on my bad days, pampered me... how will they? Will they be able to do this without breaking apart? Without their soul shattering?

"Kisne banaya aisa rule maa? Or kyu? Why, it had to be the girl always? Why only she has to leave her parents, her family behind to start a new life? Why not the boys? Why always us Mumma.? Why??" I sobbed harder in her chest as she tried to soothe me, her own tears trailing down my back.

"B..because God knows. He knows a man can never handle this pain. God only made us—the women's this strong. He knows only we can carry our heart on sleeve and face everything. Boys are not that brave and strong as they appear to be." She whispered in my ears as I cried hard. Cried at this ritual. Cried for the fate of a women. Cried for everything.

"Nahi banana maa. Nahi banana strong. I am okay being soft and fragile. I don't want to prove anything to anyone." She didn't reply, she just tried to calm me. She couldn't speak. Her throat was as heavy as my heart felt right now. The pain of letting your daughter go, was the biggest pain of all. That's why they call kanyadaan as mahadaan. Another bitter truth of this culture.

"I wish Nandini. I wish I could stop you. I wish I could do something to not let you go... but kuch nahi hai bache mere haath mein. Kuch nahi. Main chah ke bhi kuch nhi kr skti." We both cried in eachother's arms. Hands wrapped around my neck, Mom and I untangled to see Abhi and Papa in tears. Navya standing at the door. I wailed as Papa pulled me in his arms.

"Papaa.. please... please... I don't wanna go. Pleaseeee keep me with you." I clutched his shirt in my hands as he sat down beside me, letting me cry and wail and shout in his arms. But he didn't say anything.

"Papa please. Papa pleaseeee stop me. Please Papa." I sobbed harder in his chest. He rubbed my back and tried to calm me. I heard the door open and feet rustling in. I couldn't leave my father and turn back to look who was it. I just sobbed harder in his chest.

"Nandu... bas bacha. Shaant ho jao." I heard Abhi bhai stand beside us as he ran his hands through my hair. I removed one hand from Papa's shirt and held his hand. Digging my nails into his skin as I cried harder.

"Shh.. bas... shaant. Please calm down. Breathe Nandu." Bhai sat down on the floor as he untangled me from Papa's embrace and cupped my face.

"Breathe. Calm down." He said, tears trailing down his own eyes as he desperately tried to make me breathe.