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I walked into the room, leaving Lucas outside with Shawn, my mind racing with a million thoughts and emotions.
I felt like a mess.
An emotional one at that.
I've rarely been caught off guard; situations may surprise me, but I've always planned for the worse to happened.
Unlike today.
As soon as I heard Shawn say his goodbyes to Lucas from inside, I took a deep breath and dashed to the bathroom, locking the door.
Get a grip over yourself, Athira.
Get a grip.
I took in deep breaths, in hope of calming myself down. My anger down. There is absolutely nothing but resentment, that I feel.
Resentment.
Betrayal.
Hurt.
It feels like someone is shaking my insides, forcing me to breathe, to live through this hell.
It's similar to receiving a gift that no one desires, no one values. A gift that keeps circulating until it is returned to its rightful owner. I feel like a used and discarded product, use and throw.
You have to do this Athira, you'll have to walk out of the bathroom eventually.
I sat down, against the door on the cold floor with a feeling of numbness.
Why have I always seen so easy to use?
When my mother died, I assumed that my father would love me, but what did I get in return? Abuse. When I trusted the person, I gave my soul to he threw me out of his life overnight. When I hoped for a peaceful life in Italy, the family that was supposed to love me traded me.
Why always me?
I shut myself down after staring into nothingness for a while, laughing despite the agony. It all sounded like a prank, a joke played on me by the universe. How did my game of chess spiral out of my control out of the blues?
You have to have a fighting spirit. You have to force moves and take chances.
I started reminding myself of the most important rule to keep my spirits up. Since the worst had happened to me, there was nothing more that could go wrong.
This is the worst-case scenario.
I slipped out of my wedding dress and changed into the nightgown that was kept inside the walk-in closet that was attached to the washroom.
