BEHIND THE LYRICS

-- Trauma --

"Congrats!" sabay-sabay na saad naming apat and we laughed after. 

"Graduate na ng high school!" and we jumped while holding each other's hands. 

I saw my friend looking at us and he's smiling while watching us. Kami lang ang nandito dahil mga parents namin ay nasa restaurant pa at kami naman ay nandito na sa parang garden nung resto. 

Medyo malayo 'to sa resto then may overlooking pa then may hotel sa malayo. Doon kami magii-stay for two days kasi malapit lang naman 'to sa Manila. 

 Ginawa namin 'to as our celebration for our graduation kahit na last week pa kami grumaduate.

"Tapos yung isa dyan may kasamang incoming 2nd year college." pagpaparinig ni Vian and they all laughed habang ako napailing na lang. We just jumped and sang our hearts hanggang sa sumakit na mga lalamunan namin.

Puro tawanan at kwentuhan lang kami hanggang sa nagtilian na sila at kung ano pang panukso ang ginawa nila sa akin. But after that, they stopped and they all gave me genuine smiles kaya kinutan ko sila ng noo pero umiling lang sila.

 Lumapit sa akin si Loise and she hugged me by my side.

"You're so happy. Ngayon lang kita ulit nakita maging ganyan kasaya. I'm happy for you that you met him." saad niya kaya natulala ako sa kanya. 

Delikado...yan ang unang pumasok sa isip ko. Nakakatawa lang dahil takot ako maging ganito kasaya tyaka minsan may masamang mangyayari or kung ano. 

I looked at him na tinutukoy nila at saktong napatingin din siya sa akin. He smiled and I faked a smile. 

I need to stop this, habang maaga. I kept that in my mind hanggang sa unti-unti nang mapagod mga kaibigan ko kaya umupo na sila sa may damuhan at tumingin sa langit habang mahinang nag-uusap.

 I'm just walking and looking at the rails at doon na ako tumigil. Tiningnan ko yung mga bundok, madilim man kita pa din sila.

 "Bakit kailangan ganito? Why just...I can't live at the moment? I just want to be...this." naiiling kong bulong sa sarili. I felt my tears at the side of my eyes, but they didn't fall. Nakontrol ko na kasi 'to as time passed by.

I felt someone walking near me and I didn't bother to look back. I held the rails tightly to calm myself. I breathed in and out, then smiled while looking at the sky.

 "Hey." he called me and I coldly looked at him. "What?" and his brows furrowed because of my cold gaze and my cold voice.

 "Is there a problem?" he asked and I shook my head. "Okay ka lang?" tanong nya pa and I didn't bother to answer. 

"Ano? Leave me alone. Starting today." saad ko and I know that I may regret this, but this is the only thing that I could do to protect myself. His forehead creased and he stared at me, habang ako iniwas na ang tingin sa kanya.

 Nagsisi na ako ngayon na nakapagkwento ako sa kanya noon, kaya baka alam na nya ang dahilan kung bakit naging ganito ako bigla. Sana hindi nya maalala, please.