"I wanted to remind him of the night we cleared things out. He has all the right to fear especially that we're deviating from the norm.
But what is really considered normal? Men before us were in this kind of relationship already. The Romans knew ab...
I could've been a great line, I could've been a sign Or overstay my time, say what's on your mind Maybe I'll rely on all the things that made it right Because I'd give you all the years of my life
So, what about these feelings I've got? We got it wrong and you said you'd had enough But, what about these feelings I've got? I couldn't be more in love
-excerpt from I Couldn't Be More In Love by The 1975
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Team
He's no stranger to same-sex relationships. He had seen it while he was growing up and he saw how happy his Nana Dee was whenever her faen would visit their home. He'd play with them sometimes and they'd treat him like he was their own child and he loved the attention especially when he felt that he lacked it the most from the people who brought him into the world.
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Although his parents had tried to make up for it with material things; nothing would beat the tender love and care that he experienced even if it came from other people. He called them surrogates. He sought the love he lacked and he did it unknowingly when Hia Win had gone abroad.
First with Mook and then with Min. He tolerated their affection and didn't think that he was hurting them in the process. They were his friends just like Pharm and Manaow. But, clearly, they were different from the latter. They didn't want to be just friends. They wanted more and he couldn't give it to them. And he felt sorry in leading them on.
He then realized that he was too selfish. Just as how selfish he is with Hia Win. He was even cruel, at times, if he would think deeply about it. There were countless times that he had repelled his advances in public. He thought of Hia's actions as inappropriate. No matter how you love each other, there are boundaries of what you can do as lovers in the open and he was for the most part obnoxious.
It was mostly situated with how he was brought up. It was tradition. Culture. Even heterosexual couples show less affection in public in their country. In spite of the westernization in most Asian countries, some things can't be easily accepted by everybody. And that brought differences. Misunderstandings.
He tried to show affection in small ways that he could. A slight touch of the skin in public. A hand held under the tables. Leaning on each other by the benches. Taking a nap on his lap under the shade of the tree in the school grounds. Sharing drinks and food by the cafeteria. Waiting on each other before and after school. Taking rides together to places they can reach. Those small things that he could show how he truly feels, yet at the end he felt unvalidated. He felt it wasn't enough. It was never enough.
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