3 Months ( Natasha Romanoff x Reader (gxg) ) (ON HOLD)

PART 17 I Reflection

I woke up and I didn't know what time it was, but it was definitely still night-time as I looked out the window and saw that the sky was still dark. I looked next to me and saw that Nat was still in a deep sleep, lying in my arms. I tried to slide my arm from under her as gently as possible so that I could get a glass of water. she made a few noises in response but stayed asleep.

I stepped into the bathroom as quietly as possible and turned on the light of the mirror, Filled a glass with water and stared at my reflection.

I looked happy.

...

'But for how long? I could screw this up any time. What if Nat realizes that? What if she realizes she's too good for me? I'm not good enough for her.'

My reflection changed expression.

'What if she finds someone else? someone better? What if the team finds someone better? ' My thoughts ran wild, and my breathing grew heavier.

fuck, fuck, fuck

I hung my head down as I leaned on the sink, the realization that I was starting to breathe more heavily only made me feel like I needed to breathe manually instead of automatically. My heartbeat quickened. sweat began to drip from my forehead. Hands shaking.

I stepped back and leaned down against the wall. When I sat on the floor I buried my head in my hands.

...

"Yn? Is everything alright in there?" Nat's sleepy voice was heard from behind the door.

I wanted to answer but I just couldn't, I was afraid I would suffocate.

"yn, I'm coming in okay? Nat warned before she opened the door carefully.

Her eyes dropped instantly, watching me sit weakly on the floor, gasping for air. She came right up to me, squatted in front of me, and put her hands on my knees.

"Hey hey, it's okay. you're okay. I'm here." Nat said in a reassuring voice. Which made me look at her with red eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry ..I-"  I said in-between  heavy breaths.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she replied before pulling me in a hug.

My whole body was shaking, but the moment I heard Nat's heartbeat, I focused on it. It made me feel somewhat calmer.

"you're okay" she whispered softly.

The 2 of us sat on the cold bathroom floor for a while, Nat still holding me and rubbing my head as I rested my head on her lap. My breathing was still spotty at times but it was better.

"I'm sorry you have to do... this," I say quietly.

"stop apologizing ... I'm here for you but... I don't know how I can really help you. so maybe we should talk to your dad about this..." Nat replies, while resting her hand on my head.

"no, are you crazy? I can't do that Nat." I say as I sit up straight. "I just got that suit from him, I can't now come up to him and say -'oh hey dad, thanks for trusting me with that suit but I actually have some problems in my head-' I answer with a forced laugh.

"So you'd rather keep that suit and have a chance to get an attack in it than look for a possible solution??" Nat replied in a confused and slightly angry voice.

"No ... that's not- That's not what I meant" I answer before burying my head in my hands "I don't know what I want Nat"

"what about Bruce? Will you to talk to him?"  Nat says as an optional option.

I look at her and think about her idea for a moment.

"Okay, I'll talk to Banner" I replied indulgently.

"Thank you ... now, let's go back to bed," Nat says as she gets up and reaches her hand out to for me to tak.

I take her hand and walk back into the bedroom with her. I was so exhausted I fell back to sleep right away, it's weird, sometimes I'm so tired after a panic attack, and other times I feel like I can stay awake for 3 days after.

I woke up from the sound of Nat's alarm going off

"hmpf turn it off..." I said in response as I bury my head deeper into my pillow to muffle the sound.

"Sorry, I forgot I agreed to train with Steve at 7" Nat replied apologetically before turning off her alarm.

"who in their right mind wants to train that early?" I said grunting.

Nat had to laugh a bit as she got out of bed and went to the bathroom to get ready.

"Oh, and don't forget to talk to Bruce today" she shouted from the bathroom.

"uhuh" I replied in a sleepy voice, planning to get some more sleep.

"I mean it Yn," she said, popping her head out the bathroom door.

"I promise to talk to Bruce today," I replied while still flat on my stomach.

Nat left my room and went to train with Steve. I, on the other hand, slept a bit more.

2 and a half hours later I woke up. I patted next to me, hoping to feel Nat, but when I didn't feel her I remembered she had gone to work out with Steve. I stretched out in bed and got out, walked to the bathroom, and got ready for the day.

I thought a bit about what I was gonna do today, and made a mental note.

1- do some training 

2- think about what I'm going to do in the afternoon with Nat

3- talk to bruce.