Finding Happiness

Chapter 31-- Five years later

She babysits him when I need to go out. I don't work, but I freelance sometimes. I consult for companies. I have enough funds to take care of myself and my child for the rest of our lives.

I kissed Ian on his forehead and whispered "Goodnight".

Sarah and I stepped out of his room and switched off the light. "How was your today?" She asked.

Sarah knows everything about my past.

"Not bad, just ran some errands," I said as we sat on the couch.

"I was thinking about moving back to the USA now that he is in preschool so that he can start kindergarten in New York. I know we're going back to New York one day. I want it to be now not later. I don't want it to affect him too much" I explained to her.

"Look I get it, but what if you meet his father? C'est effrayant (It's scary)," She said.

"He is not a problem. He has forgotten about me. We see him on the news with different girls. We see his face in magazines like a model these days." I replied, tiredly.

"Oh... that reminds me about ze brother, Logan, he's so dreamy, and ze sister, Liana, looks like a goddess in magazines," She gushed over Logan and Liana.

They are both models now. I didn't see it coming, especially from Liana.

"Focus Sarah focus," I said, hiding my laughter. "Oh sorry," She said shyly.

"Je me sens comme poinçonner ce crétin quand j'étends mes yeux sur lui. (I feel like punching that jerk when I lay my eyes on him)" I said getting angry. I can't believe I still love him.

"Calme facile vers le bas. (Easy, calm down)" She said while smiling.

Ian asks about his dad almost every time. I just kept on giving him excuses. I'm tired of lying to him. Liam doesn't know he exists. I'm afraid of him knowing. I know what he can do. I don't want my baby taken away from me.

I know it's selfish of me.

"When are you planning to leave?" She asked.

"Probably a month. I need to call Arie first," I replied. "Are you coming back?" She asked hopefully.

"I don't think so. Maybe just for visits," I answered her. "I'm going to miss you guys," She said, sadly. "I know we will miss you too Sarah. You have been so good to us and we appreciate it. I hope things work out with you and Tim. Make sure you invite me to your wedding," I said with a smile and she hugged me.

Arie and I call each other every time. She said she was in a serious relationship with someone but she wouldn't tell me who the person was.

I called Arie when Sarah left. I told her about my plan and she agreed to help me find a suitable apartment.

After talking to her I cleaned up the house and went to check up on Ian. He was sleeping peacefully, which brought a smile to my face. I remember when I was four months pregnant and the doctor told me I might lose him. I was worried. I was so terrified.

My mom came to stay with me when I was close to having him.

I love my mom, but I don't want to end up like her. I don't want my child to go through a tiny bit of what I went through. I know for sure she doesn't want me to go through what she did.

The only man I have in my life right now is Ian. I find it so hard to move on with someone else. I don't even think I want to, but I know Ian wants a father figure.

I've gone on dates but it always fails. The longest I have had after Liam was less than 3 months and none of them ever met Ian. I never let it get to that stage.