As The World Caves In

twenty

L I L I A N

He didn't speak after that and i didn't try. He wanted me too open up and i could've gone easy on him but i couldn't hide it forever.

His eyes were wide as i turned to him and he didn't protest while i walked past him to leave, and towards his door, and down the hall and evidently down the street.

He needed time to process though, i understood that but time seemed to pass so slowly without him by my side.

My lips still tingled when i remember how his felt on mine, the empty presence behind me when he used to lay and the deafening silence that ran through my apartment.

I could never stop myself starting at the door, hoping he'd come in and it would be like nothing changed.

I really hoped nothing had changed.

The love sick side of me thought the letter that had been posted through my door was from him, some cliché love letter or a letter of him admitting he didn't wanna see me anymore.

But, i'd never been more wrong than i was, Manchester Federal Prison. My heart rate quickly increased and i felt myself becoming unsteady.

I moved to the sofa before i collapsed and my shaking hands began to open the letter from my mother.

I sighed before pulling the letter out and unfolding it, it was small and simple but it still meant so much.

My Little Lily,

I apologise that this is the first letter i have written to you since your 16th birthday. Visit me soon my flower,

Mum x

My eyes blurred and my chest felt like i was suffocating as the letter fell from my grip and onto my hardwood floors beneath my feet.

My chest heaved as i tired to stop the tears spilling from my eyes, my head became light and i was seconds away from passing out before a hand was placed on my knee and a presence was kneeled in front of me.

"Hey Lils, C'mon. Breathe for me, Lilian it's me" River's voice broke through the piercing nose in ears "There you go, i'm right here, yeah? I'm here, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, I promise"

"River" I breathed out as my vision cleared slightly and i could realise he was a figment of my imagination "Oh god, River" I collapsed into his arms.

He carefully pulled me onto the floor and into his lap before placing his head on mine and running his hands through my hair softly.

I opened my mouth to speak before he quickly cut me off, "It's okay, don't rush yourself. You don't need to know right now, let's just calm down, yeah?"

I nodded slightly and he kissed my head quickly before letting out a sigh of relief and pulling me closer, if that was even possible.

"I'm so thankful for you. So, so thankful for everything you've shown me, for how much of the world you've shown me in this shitty little town, and how much you've opened my eyes, lovely"