As The World Caves In

eleven

R I V E R

"Nothing's gonna happen if you blink River" Masie said as she put a hand on my shoulder.

Lilian was alseep in my bed and had been for a couple hours, i was sat at the end on the bed watching her. I was scared for her and i didn't wanna take my eyes off of her.

I hadn't ever seen anyone have a panic attack apart from Olivier when we were younger, i never had to help calm him down though. The last one i witnessed him have was when we were 12, just before he left and i grew up without him.

I never knew where he went, i just assume he went to our dads because he didn't wanna live with me anymore. He seemed to hate me because i was portrayed as the perfect twin in our family.

"I'm worried about her" I said as i turned to look up at Masie "I don't wanna leave her again"

"What happen, why did you bring her back here the other day?" She inquested, i was sure i could tell her. It's not like she'd tell anyone apart from Oscar anyways.

"I had to jump in front of a train to save her, she was waiting for it Mais. It was scary, we cried together" I gulped "I told her not to leave me and she said she wouldn't"

"I like Lilian, i really do River but Elizabeth didn't choose to leave you either. You know that" Masie said as she let her hand drop.

"Please, can we not talk about it. It's been three years and i'm finally okay about it" I admitted.

It felt selfish that i could finally move on but Elizabeth doesn't get to move on. But it's not fair that i held myself back for three years and missed great opportunities because i was scared to loose again.

"Love you Riv" Masie smiled and kissed my head leaving me in my room, shutting the door quietly behind her.

I'm in my head way too much. I'm finally admitting it to myself and i'm glad i'm coming to so many conclusions within myself.

How does all this end while i watch Lilian sleep like a baby after a panic attack.

"Why didn't you tell me about Oliver" Lilian mumbled as she kept her head on the pillow.

"How long have you been awake?" I questioned and she looked towards the clock on the bedside table.

"About ten minutes" She replied. She heard me and Masie conversation. "You looked so concentrated when you were sat there. Were you thinking about what Martyna said to you?"

"No, i was thinking about how you've helped me" I replied dropping my head as i felt my cheeks heat up, Lilian pushed herself to sit up and and crawled closer to me.

"Oliver"

"Right. Um-he's my twin obviously, i was portrayed at the perfect twin growing up and when we were twelve he just left and i never saw him until four years ago"

"You never knew where he went?" She asked me and i shook my head "Wait what day is it?"

"Wednesday"

"Shit i need to go, um i have to be somewhere" She jumped up out of the bed and placed a hand on my shoulder "6pm, by the docks okay?"

I nodded my head and she left without another word.