𝒯𝒽ℯ 𝒫𝓇ℴ𝓂𝒾𝓈ℯ𝒹 𝒪𝓃ℯ | 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐟𝐨𝐲 |

#11 The Letter

Dear Eleonora,

You're probably thinking I'm the worst and you're probably right, but since you're that one person except Maribel who knew her the best, you're the only option I have to get things off my chest. So I'm selfish on last time and write this letter to you, despite you never asked for it.

It's okay if you're not even reading the whole thing, maybe you will throw it away as soon as you see who wrote that, I wouldn't blame you.

I did some horrible things, I wasn't the friendliest to you either, but nevertheless, despite it all Tiara saw something in me. An ability to become a better person and that's what I'm trying as best as I could in times like that.

I feel like I owe her this.

I know how close you were, she sometimes talked about you, always defended you when I said something pathetic. And I hope - no, I believe - that you know how close we were. Especially since I know that you're talking about everything.

So I know, that you're aware of who I am, too.

Even though I'm not really bothered about what you think about me, I wanted to say that I had no choice.

I had to do it for her. I always did everything for her.

And I failed desperately.

I wanted to protect her, I wanted to keep her safe from this whole mess of a life which is mine.

I know you're believing in something pathetic as soulmates or destiny. You have to since you're almost as obsessed with stars than she was.

I think she was mine. It was my destiny to meet her, to love her in the best way I could. And she was, for sure, my soulmate.

Do you believe I will ever find someone like her again? Do we ever find someone so good and so innocent like her ever again? Will I ever feel anything again?

Because she took every feeling I had with her. She emptied me, she took me with her into blackness.

I'm just lost.

And god, I miss her.

Since that day, I spend every evening in our gardens, looking up at the stars like we did so often on the tower.

Did you ever see her eyes when she rumbled on about the stars? I bought her a necklace and said it reminded me of her eyes, that it shines just like them, but I lied.

It didn't even come near the sparks she spread as soon as she talked about something she loved. It didn't matter what she was talking about. She could have told me about the most fucked up things, I would have still listened to her, gluing on her lips with every word she said. And I hate that I didn't tell her that when I had the chance.

Now I look at the stars and can't see anything except small, insignificant, white dots. No constellations she learnt me, no stories to tell. I can't remember anything because she was the one teaching me the courage of the stars and with her it was simply gone.

What if I can't remember details about her either.

What if I'm forgetting her voice, the so melodic sound of it. Did you ever hear her sing? Probably you did, but every time I heard her, my spiraling thoughts just stopped like she grounded me.