Someone Out There Loves You (Adopted by Frank Iero)

50

ALEXA

Sitting in the art room, I was staring hopelessly at my visual diary, open on the page I was jotting down notes on while Miss Davies did a 'revision' session on everything that we would need to know for our midterm - only it was hardly revision for me. It included art elements and principles, how to analyse artworks, and other things that my brain didn't even register because the concepts were that foreign to me.

To make matters worse, Vic didn't show today. Her attendance was as hit and miss as my good days were: often they were a miss. Yes, I had made a friend here, but half the time she was nowhere to be found and when she was here she was no help in class because she flat out didn't care about it. While part of me wished I had that level of apathy and the ability to step back and relax a little, perfectionism was so deeply ingrained in me thanks to growing up in a neglectful environment where all I wanted was some kind of approval, and I hoped that perfect grades would give me that. It never did, but it didn't stop me from trying.

With Vic not here, I was back to being a walking target. There were a couple of solid bruises forming on both of my knees from being dropped down on the concrete at the start of the day, along with a particularly painful spot on my upper back that I was assuming would resemble a footprint. I guess it could've been worse though.

Miss Davies' words began to feel further and further away the more she spoke. It started feeling like I was underwater, the sound muffled, struggling to breathe, the air in the room not entering my lungs no matter how hard I gasped. The sound of my heartbeat in my ears, the tightness of my chest, the dizziness.

I was panicking.

I was about to have a panic attack in class.

Fuck.

The bell suddenly rang to indicate the start of lunch. The functioning part of my brain was screaming at me to run to the toilets so I could lock myself away in a cubicle before letting it take over. It sounded like a good plan to me, all I needed to do was hold on for a couple more minutes to get there.

That plan was ruined when Miss Davies called out my name and followed it up with a "can I see you quickly?"

With my heart in my throat and my chest feeling like it was in a human-sized vice, I hugged my books tightly to my chest and took unsteady steps until I was standing in front of her desk. I was vaguely aware of the room emptying around me, leaving just Miss Davis and me. I was trying to conceal my rapid breaths as I stood before her.

She was a young teacher, her dark hair in two braids and her bangs cut sharp just above her eyebrows, her clothes always bright and colour coordinated. Despite walking around with a hand on her hip and pursing her bright red lips often, she was a gentle person.

"I'm a bit worried about you, Alexa," she began. "So far you haven't turned anything in - which I understand is because you're fairly new here, but that's leaving your entire grade depending on this upcoming midterm and the submission of your visual diary, as I'm sure you're aware."

Her words were serious but the undertone was kind. I almost wished she was yelling at me or there to be disappointment in her voice because the concern it was filled with had caught me at a bad time and I could feel tears pooling in my eyes.

"There is the possibility o- oh honey, sit down, sit down," she hushed when she noticed my eyes brimming with tears, hopping up from her chair to run around the desk, closing the door in the process, and pulling out a chair for me to sit down on.

I couldn't hold the panic attack in any longer. Before I could realise what was happening, I was sobbing and gasping and choking for air. Everything was too loud even though the only sound was my trying to breathe and Miss Davies' soft voice telling me "it's okay honey, just breathe."