Someone Out There Loves You (Adopted by Frank Iero)

15

ALEXA

At 8:30am, there was the routine knock on my door. Only this time, it didn't wake me up. Normally, I would wake up in a panic at the sound, but that wasn't going to happen when I was already awake, watching the clock and anticipating it coming. That wasn't because I was excited for the day to begin, though. I was dreading it.

I hadn't been able to sleep at all last night. It was about 2:30am when I decided to quit tossing and turning and trying to get comfortable with my rubber pillow and thin blanket. It wasn't going to happen. My thoughts were running on overdrive and it was easier to stop fighting them. I spent the night lying on my back, staring at the ceiling, feeling numb to the world. There were moments when the hysteria would set in, but it would die down eventually and return to an emptiness, this cycle continuing throughout the night, suffocating silently in my loneliness.

The moment light began to peak into my room from the window indicating the world was waking, I wanted the day to be over. I didn't have the energy to get up and make it through another day. If only it could all stop.

At 9:17am, there was another knock on my door, followed by Madi entering. Thankfully, she stopped by the door and didn't enter any further. "Alexa, you'll miss breakfast if you don't get up. You've already missed hygiene."

"That's okay, I'm not hungry." I did my best to not make my voice sound flat. I didn't want them to get suspicious.

"You feeling okay, honey?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just a bit of a headache. I just want to lie down for a while." I sent her a fake smile which she seemed to buy. I mean, the headache wasn't a complete lie. My head was spinning.

"Let me or one of the nurses know if you need any painkillers or anything, alright?"

"Thank you." My smile dropped when she closed the door as she left and a long sigh escaped my lips. "Can I have all the painkillers?" I chuckled humorlessly once I was alone.

This was going to be a long day.

I had watched the shadows move across my walls, watched the seconds, minutes, hours tick by on the clock, and yet I wasn't bothered by the unproductive passing of time. Every hour there was a knock on my door and a nurse popped their head in to check I was alive, but their check-ins turned into a blur. The day was going far too slow for my liking, if I was being honest.

I hadn't moved from my bed since I laid down last night. My back hurt from lying in one position for so long, my legs ached for movement, and I desperately wanted some water, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. It seemed like it was too much. Simply existing was too much.

It was a combination of things that were responsible for how I was feeling. Firstly, it was the medication I was on to treat my imbalanced brain (that being the second thing). The third and main thing that set it off was Andy leaving on Monday. Yes, I'm happy for him, but I can't help but feel like the one person I'm comfortable with in this place is abandoning me. This then brings up the issue of my own parents abandoning me, which is why I'm stuck in here and unable to leave in the first place. It just felt like everyone I should have been able to depend on or came close to would leave. This then made me worried about my attachment to Frank, and Andy's words from the other day were still stuck in my mind.

Just enjoy it while you have it, you don't know how long it'll last.

Was I making a mistake by letting my guard down with Frank and letting him in? Was he going to leave me too?