Spin the Bottle (To Be Deleted)

*11 ~ Window Of Worlds*

|AMANI|

Walls the color of the lilac sky and ceiling of hot pink. The pearly white crib and furniture. Finally, I made the lampshades and the hamper lime green. It's tradition for a genie to match the colors of their zujahbah, which is also the color of their essence. It's a cute room for a baby girl, I made sure of it.

Though it's so empty.

The nursery is off-limits for any of the guards or servants to enter. Little do they know the reason for such strict orders, and it's not because of my feelings of what happened to Zoya two years ago. I just need a quiet place to drown in my guilt and self-hatred. As if I can even get myself to cry anymore. Not now, at least. I shed enough tears at the Council Meeting earlier today -- embarrassing myself.

What a murderous queen I am. Stained with the blood of a fellow murderer. Cursed by my terrible decisions. And I'm only now starting to move past Chakir's death. Worse of all, my composure is crumbling in front of everyone to see. It's only a matter of time before the truth comes out and the respect I've worked over twenty years for will be for nothing.

Pathetic.

That's what I am. A part of me wonders how life would have been if Chakir wasn't royalty. We would have probably lived in a modest house with our baby in our arms. Her first words, her first steps, her birthdays, and her growth into a young woman. There would be no regret. Zeev would have probably been a decent man without the option of power, he wouldn't have killed his brother, and Husan and Zoya could have grown up together. Perhaps they would have been close. Maybe they will be moving forward.

With the princess' arrival tomorrow evening, she will be reunited with her family. Or what's left of it, sadly. She's going to come home to no father, no grandparents, no aunt and uncle, a cousin who may or may not despise her, and a mother who wants to turn back time.

Something Ignacio said to me earlier today finally clicks in my head: '...the elephant in the room.'

Ah, that's what he meant.

Is Zoya enjoying her new family? Are they giving her more than what she would have here? These are things I should have thought about earlier before deciding for her to return. She could be happy and content over there. And what a villain I'd be to rip all of that away from her. What if she doesn't want to come home?

What if she doesn't care to know who I am?

Has she given up on me?

Does she even know she's adopted?

Did anyone even adopt her? Is she still at that foster home?

It's been two years and I only think of this now? Ignacio is probably right about me. I'm not very fit for the throne anymore. Regardless, I'm not giving it away just yet. I have the two heirs to think about. And while I told everyone that I'm planning to pass the crown to Husan, I want to see if my daughter has a chance. Even if it's slim.

It's time I get to know what type of person my daughter is.

**********

Queen Fayola has been very understanding of my situation, and if it wasn't for her nosiness, I would consider her a true friend. The truth of the matter is that it is wise to keep the other royals at an arm's length. Running an empire can be a lonely job, but family is usually there to support. A long time ago, that used to be the case.

Nevertheless, Fayola is someone who can keep a secret, which I respect. That's why I'm manifesting before her. My hot pink essence swirls around me and fades to lavender as it thins out. The first thing I notice is that it's dim -- oil lamps. Dirt walls. The scent of freshly cut flowers flicker in and out of my awareness. I stare down the tunnel and spot the glitter of a crown.