𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐋, john taylor

LOVE IS SWEET MISERY

okay so imma try something different. instead of third person pov im gonna write from dianes pov and tell me what you think, please!! and be honest. love you 😍

Fuck being positive. Fuck having hope. Fuck relationships, fuck love, and most importantly fuck Nigel John Taylor. I was so hopeless, I was so angry. More with myself than anyone. Everything in my life was falling to pieces, everything. All those stupid movies telling you that love comes so easy, and it's never ending is bullshit. Imagine a world where I get what I want one time. Crazy isn't it? Too much to ask for, apparently.

I was walking down the sidewalk like an idiot. My mascara probably running down my face, staining my cheeks. My hair was probably messy, from pulling at it trying to ease the pain I was going through. This pain was so familiar, and well known....I've felt this pain too many times and I wasn't about to feel it again. I hated this on and off relationship between me and him. It's like the universe wouldn't let us be happy and I didn't know why.

John was so defensive of himself, and his actions. It's like he's never wrong, it's like he's perfect. And I'm the one who gets blamed for everything. I never win with him, and I wasn't about to try again. I was over this stupid game I played with him for over a year. A fucking year had passed and I still couldn't make it work out. Some girlfriend I am....

All I wanted was to melt into my bed and cry. Cry until there wasn't any tears left. Until I was numb, that's the only way I've known to cope and it's worked in my favor before. Why not keep it up. Why not go to a bar and drink all the pain away. Or smoke it all away? Could my life be anymore fucked up right now? I was already lifeless and depressed.

And I swear the moment I stepped inside my bedroom, I just lost it. Finally alone, finally able to let all the pain and emotion out. I threw my purse down forcefully hearing some loose change clatter on the floor. My nose was fuzzy like I was about to begin crying again, and well, it was too late for crying. It was now full on sobbing. I just buried my face in the pillows hoping for this to all blow over.

I'm sure everyone in the goddamn building could hear me, but did I care at this point? No. No way, was I caring for anyone, or anything ever again. I felt broken, and stupid. Stupid for even giving him another chance. I let myself fall into the same trap I did and I hated myself for it. I couldn't bare the thought of it anymore. It felt like I wasn't gonna be happy ever again, and for some reason it hurt me more to say that. I had completely given up on life....

It felt like only 10 minutes I had laid in my bed. Thinking about everything wrong with me. Crying to myself and talking to myself. It's not like I had anyone to talk to anymore. I listened to Tracey and I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have talked to John in the first place. I should've kept walking. I should've walked right past him and avoid this whole situation once again.

And just before I knew it, I just fell asleep. I was tired, exhausted, and overwhelmed. Nothing felt right and my whole body was shivering from the amount I'd cried and the pain burning up inside me from my feet to my head. It had been over three hours of this. I felt lazy, and unloved. I wanted to just slip away into nothing and hope no one missed me. Leave this godforsaken earth. I was never ever gonna speak to that boy ever again. I made a promise to myself that night, one that'd I'd live by at all costs.

this is a filler chapter so just WAIT. i know it SUCKS okay???? anyways, i have mixed feeling about writing this way....but im gonna play with it and see where it goes. okay, love you bye!