Insanity (Jotakak)

Guilt

Josuke just stood there, tears dripping down his face. How could he fall for that? Not only was he shocked by Jotaro's actions, but he also surprised himself. He tightly grasped his face with his hands, not caring about ruining his hair as his nails went under his hair and dug into his skin. He was an idiot. His mind went over what had just happened, his heart beating faster from the anxiety he was feeling. He took deep breathes, trying to calm down. He slowly slid down with his back on the wall, getting into a sitting position with his legs against him. The wall felt cold against his back, it felt so lonely. There was no sound in the room other than his fast breathing. All he wanted to do was to help Jotaro. Not fucking fall for him. Not again goddammit.

He had followed Jotaro like a dog, feeling like that's what he had to do. He was abandoned as a child for being born from an affair but Jotaro had been there for him. Josuke was grateful to the man for taking him in and raising him like his own ever since he was a teenager. It was as if Jotaro was everything for Josuke, without him by his side, he felt like nothing.

Josuke saw Jotaro as his role model. An incredibly smart man with talent, charisma, and good looks. He was charming and gentle, showing affection to those he only knew about. Josuke admired him, he wanted to be like Jotaro.

Soon, his admiration and interest twisted into something far worse.

Josuke and Jotaro lived together for years. Jotaro was divorced and had long lost his grandparents. Josuke was kicked out of the house as a teenager and didn't have anything. 

Josuke, realizing his feelings for Jotaro, decided to ignore them, living his normal life for years. Up until a day when Jotaro came home rather drunk. He remembered that day vividly. 

It was around 1 am, their apartment was rather small since Jotaro used to live alone. Josuke was sitting on the couch with the small TV on, not bothering to watch whatever that was playing on the screen. One of the windows in the living room was open, letting a cold breeze of air into the house. Josuke was anxiously waiting for Jotaro. He was worried, Jotaro was never this late. He had tried calling him but he wasn't answering his phone.

He suddenly heard a click on the door, getting up and running to the entry of the house, he saw Jotaro standing, slightly hunched forward, holding himself up with the help of the door frame.

"Where were you?!" Josuke asked, his anxiety replacing itself with concern.

Jotaro grunted in response, walking into the house but stumbling. Josuke quickly got under his arm and helped him walk to his bed. Jotaro smelled like alcohol and cigarettes. He got Jotaro in his bed, bringing him water. He looked so miserable and weak. His beautiful blue eyes were dull, his skin pale, face red from being so intoxicated. Yet Josuke felt happy. Happy that Jotaro could show this side of himself to him without needing to hide it.

Josuke hugged Jotaro, relaxing knowing that Jotaro was fine. Or at least like his usual self.

"You scared me."

Jotaro surprisingly hugged him back, tightly, burying his face into Josuke's shoulder. Josuke felt his shirt getting wet. 

"What's wrong?" Josuke pulled back to look at Jotaro's face. It broke his heart to see him so sad, but this was also the first time Josuke had seen Jotaro cry.

"...I miss them." His voice was hoarse and deep.

"Hey, it's alright." Josuke had no idea what Jotaro was talking about but decided not to ask questions.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while on Jotaro's bed. During this silence, Josuke's mind wandered off. Jotaro was completely vulnerable. Would he even remember anything in the morning? No- no no no stop, just stop thinking. He wouldn't use Jotaro like that.