Changing Tune

32. Always have our music

Chapter 32: Always have our music

Ellie's POV

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I had been feeling anxious ever since I stepped foot into my house. I hated lying, especially to my parents. There was no way that I could lie to them forever, especially since our report card was mailed in at the end of the year. I just hoped that that gave me enough time to make up for my grades the following semester. 

No matter how hard I tried to get that all out of my head, I couldn't. I could not help but breakdown the moment I stepped foot in my room. I was petrified. Petrified that I was going to have to choose between two important things in life. School was important to me. It was with high grades that I was going to be able to get into colleges that I had always dreamed of going to. But music was my passion. 

My love for music was something that I could not find the words to describe. It was so much more than something I loved. It was a part of my life, and I never wanted to do anything more than I wanted to perform. 

I did not want to let my parents down, but I also did not want to leave the band. The only other option was for me to work harder than I had ever worked before, and even the thought of that was enough to make me sob. 

I was thankful that my parents were still at work in that moment, because I was certain that they would have heard me otherwise. I cried and cried until I could feel my head about to explode. It always felt liberating to cry, but sometimes it was also painful. Crying, for me, meant that something was wrong. I wished that my life could be perfect. That I could live without any problems coming my way. But that was impossible. It was a dream that no person could achieve. 

My phone buzzed a few moments after I had managed to calm myself down. Letting out a deep, shaky breath, I unlocked my phone, revealing a message from Blake. The only thing that had the potential to lift my mood up that day was our date, and I quickly started worrying that he had messaged to cancel on me. As I read the message, though, all of those thoughts quickly ebbed away, and the only thing I could think about was what I had done to deserve a person like him in my life.

'Okay, Stumblebum, I know that you're probably stressing yourself out in your room right now, but what kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you do that? I'm picking you up in an hour, and you better be ready.'

Picking myself up again, I made my way to the bathroom to take a warm shower. It was rare for me to play music whilst I was in there. I always liked to shower quietly, just me, myself, and my thoughts. But that day I knew that if I were to be left alone with my thoughts, I would just break myself all over again. 

It was funny how music was part of the problem, but it was also the only thin that could make me forget about it. That was certainly supposed to say something. Music allowed me to enter into a new world, and that was exactly what I needed in that moment. In life, it was hard to find something that truly resonates with you, and which truly makes you feel alive. 

I remembered how Leah used to think that that something was a relationship. She used to fill my head with nonsense such as that a life without a relationship was an unhappy one, and that having someone you like and who likes you back would make everything perfect. I could not believe that I had been stupid enough to believe that. I should have known that. 

Of course, my relationship with Blake was certainly one of the best things which had happened to me. He was like my best friend, and I did not know what I would do without him, but that did not mean that him becoming my boyfriend meant that I did not need anything else in life. It might sound harsh, but it was true.