Daylight

31 Clean

"ELLIOT AND I DON'T TALK ANYMORE."

My dad doesn't respond, he takes another swig of his beer staring at the waves crashing on the shore.

I sit cross-legged next to him building a small sandcastle. I wish we do this more, daddy-daughter time when it's just the two of us.

"I don't regret it though." I continue. "There is no bad blood between us, just indifference. I didn't realise a part of me was still hurting until he came back. It feels like I finally let go of what has been weighing me down and I'm ready to fly dad."

"I'm proud of you sweetie."

"Thanks, dad." I choke as the tears roll down my face. "That's the first time I've heard you say that."

"I'm sorry for always being so tough on you, I've always been so proud you little girl." He pulls me against his chest.

My father is a man who doesn't show many feelings, he may act hard on the outside but he has a heart of gold. I always craved for my dad's recognition and the most I would get is a "good job" or "well-done sweetie". I knew he was proud of me but I craved to hear it from his lips.

There were times when I wondered if my dad even cared because he always kept his feelings to himself. I always felt envious of other girls who had protective dads, my dad doesn't scare off my dates like they do in the movies. Since I was young, he always joked that if someone actually wanted me I should gleefully accept them and be grateful that someone liked me. I know he's joking but that always stuck with me.

"I got everything I always wanted dad." I sigh, back to building my sandcastle. "I've got my dream home, my dream car, working at my dream job, I've got everything I wished for since I was in university."

"But you're not happy," he mutters.

"I'm happy, but there is still that one thing that I've always wanted but never had. Love." I purse my lips feeling like an ungrateful bitch. "Dating me is like living in a fishbowl, touch me and they'll never be left alone again. Who would willingly dive into this fishbowl with me?"

A few seconds passed before he answers, seemingly trying to choose his words carefully.

"The one." he finally says.

I raise my eyebrows in disbelief, "Everyone says that but I can't seem to find that person."

"There is a kid in everyone. If you're lucky you will meet someone who can free that kid inside you."

"Is that how you knew mom was the one?"

"Yes sweetie, I fell in love when I saw the kid in her." He pauses. "I knew she was the one when I wanted to spend the rest of my life protecting that kid."

"I always envied that about mom," I admit. "She always lived in the fairytale bubble that you created. But I don't think I will ever be able to live that life, I feel as though my heart has hardened over the past years. I say I want love but at the same time, I'm terrified of it. I don't have what it takes to keep my heart soft, let my guard down and open myself up to someone."

The sound of a group of girls laughing distracts us. Walking towards us from afar is Sebastian and my mother who is surrounded by a group of young ladies.

I hear my dad grunt which makes me laugh.

"Look at him dad, my brother is such a babe magnet wherever he goes. Flocks of women are after his fame, his money, his power. So many men would die for this lifestyle, what do you think dad?"

"People only see the glory of his lifestyle. Never forget this sweetie, Sebastian is a complicated man," he warns. It sends a shudder down my spine, awakening me.