24/7 - Tom Hiddleston

empty.

It has been a month since Tom left and I have been slowly getting used to it, but it is hard. Charlotte, James and I stayed up all night last night watching movies and I completely forgot to call Tom, so I decide to drop him a call now. As the phone rings, I realise the time difference and that it's 1 am for him. I go to hang up hoping I didn't wake him up, but he picks up almost instantly.

"Hey I am so sorry, did I wake you?" I say holding the phone to my ear, hoping he is going to say no.

"I can't sleep so it doesn't really matter, where were you last night?" Tom says making me feel joy at hearing his deep voice.

"Oh I had a movie night and fell asleep, I am so sorry," I say stuttering as I can feel the tears coming. 

"Hey what's wrong Hannah?"

"I just miss you so much," I say as tears fill my eyes, I can't stand Tom being away from me. I miss his hugs and kisses so much. I wish I was there with him.

"Hey, don't cry I miss you so much, 7 more months, Love you and btw we can do this Hannah," I can feel his voice starting to crack, just like mine. Floods of tear fall down my face as we talk for hours. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach, a sickening one, every time he mentions 7 months. The tears never stop even after we say our goodbyes. All I can do it sit there curled up in a ball looking at pictures of us together.  

After hours of laying there in the cold, phone in hand, rewatching interviews we did and looking at my private videos of us at parks and getting tea, I decide to sign up for things that will pass the time. First an Art class, I miss art dreadfully and I would love to do it again. Secondly, acting lessons; They look fun and I used to act ages ago and absolutely loved it. Thirdly, gym membership, I love fitness and it might help me focus on things other than Tom. He has his movie to keep him distracted and I have hobbies. I sign up for all three. Art starts tomorrow. Acting next week and gym today. 

I go to my room and get changed into cycle shorts and a sports bra. I tie my hair up into a high ish ponytail and put on my sports shoes. I tell Charlotte where I am going and make my way down to the gym. I walk through the doors and see a bunch of equipment in the room next door, I am so excited to try it all out. I show them my membership online and make my way into the gym. 

Everyone seems so fit and healthy, but I fit in. I am skinny and a bit muscular. I go onto a leg machine and try to figure out what way I am supposed to sit down on it, when a tall muscular man approaches me.

"It is an arm workout, not a leg one, you lean on it and hold these," The man says, he seems so familiar.

"I am so sorry but do I know you? I recognise you," I say looking at the man who is trying to help me.

"Hi Hannah. It's Dylan," how did I forget. It was only yesterday.

"Oh my god, I am so useless at remembering faces," I say rubbing my head.

"Hey, it's cool. Why don't I help you use these machines since you clearly don't know what you're doing," Dylan says, making me laugh. I do need help.

"Sure," I say. An hour passes and I am sweating, It was a great workout and Dylan helps a lot. We had gone on every machine, even though I couldn't do some of them. We laughed together when I couldn't lift the amount of weight or if I couldn't reach something. I am just happy it took my mind off Tom.

"Thanks, Dylan, I am going to head home, but thank you for helping me," I say shaking his hand.

"No worries see you around hopefully," Dylan replies. I walk out and head home to have a shower and get ready for lunch. I am going to meet my mum at a cafe near the park. I get home and wash and get ready, Charlotte and James are staying home all day, together. All I know is that I am not coming home early, just in case I walk into an unwanted scene. I get out of the house and make my way down to the cafe.

"Hey mum," I say seeing her sitting in a seat at a window table.

"Hey hun," she says signalling for me to sit. We spend hours talking and eating pastries. One of the questions really stands out though.

"So...you going to marry Tom?" My mum says taking another bite of her pastry. I choke on my tea.

"Um...I haven't thought about that, I don't know" I can't find the words, I ponder about it throughout the rest of the time we are talking. Will I? It is now 3 pm and I say goodbye as smy mum makes her way in the opposite direction as always. I have art tomorrow, that will be interesting.

I make my way down the street and pop into a shop to get a new bag. There are so many lovely ones to choose from but I settle for a black one with dark green gems around the rim. I am not surprised this one stood out; It reminds me of Tom. I carry on with my new bag, it wasn't expensive, but I needed a new one. I finally get back to the house to see Charlotte and James cuddled up on the sofa watching Infinity War. Wrong timing, it's Loki's death scene. I shake off the thought of Tom and walk to my room, grateful to be getting out of the cold air. I still miss Tom dreadfully. I grab my old bag to transfer the stuff into my new one when a box falls out, then a rose. 

It is the rose Tom gave me from our dinner and the box has the bracelet and note Tom left for me in it. I feel a tear roll down my cheek. I slip on the bracelet and put everything away where it should be. I feel it in the pit of my stomach, it feels empty. It can't be food I just ate. It must be Tom. I feel empty without him, him not being there is the worst feeling in the world. I can't help but break down, tears flooding my eyes as I stumble to the floor clutching the bracelet. Charlotte bursts into the room and runs to me and holds me tight. I can't see anything; Everything is blurred and I can't hear anything apart from muffled sounds of Charlotte that slowly get fainter. I can't help but cry into her shoulder and sob in the pain of missing Tom. He is my everything and it has been taken away from me and isn't coming back for ages. All I can do is lie on the floor with Charlotte and just let everything out.

"Hannah, please, look at me," Tom says, my head shoots up. It's Tom! I jump to my feet giving him the biggest hug, as tears roll down my cheeks. I put my head onto his chest and clench his t-shirt. I can feel his soft warm arms wrap around me, I have missed this feeling for months.

"I missed you so much! Never leave me again!" I shout at him, then I give him the biggest kiss ever. My head feels like it is swirling, then he cups my face with tears rolling down his face. My heart breaks. Tom gives me a kiss on the forehead and whispers into my ear 'wake up' then steps away, disappearing out of my life once more as I wake up in my bed with a tear rolling down my cheek. I sit up gasping for air as I realise seeing Tom was all a dream. 

I get up and walk down the hall to see Charlotte in the kitchen with her head in her hands.

"Hey, Char, what's wrong?" I say slowly sitting next to her.

"Hannah! You're awake!" She says pouncing onto me. I am full of confusion at this point. Charlotte has tears running down her face with happiness.

"You were asleep for 5 days! The doctors told me to leave you to rest. You had a breakdown. I never left your side until today," My heart sinks. Tom! I hadn't called him; my art class, my dream, everything felt so shocking and so quick.

"Charlotte, Thank you! Did you text Tom?" I say hugging her as hard as I can.

"Yes, I did and your art class, I found it on your laptop," She says whilst we hug. I sigh in relief. I need to call Tom, but I am so drained. I collapse onto the floor and Charlotte helps me to the couch. 

"Hey, I will get you food and something to drink, but stay here for a while," She says handing me the remote with a wink. 

The next few weeks fly past. I watch movies and rest for ages, I keep getting headaches and stomach aches from the pain of missing Tom. I call him every day when he is free from acting. I miss all my lessons and have to renew my gym card. At the end of the 2nd month of Tom leaving, I start to recover from the breakdown. All I feel is nothing. I am numb. I miss Tom, I feel guilt for making Tom feel like it's his fault, I feel bad for Charlotte she had to look after me, James did help though.

Why is all of this happening to me? It is only the 2nd month without him, what is going to happen next?