Vicariously Yours,

Unsettlingly Yours

Isabella didn't need to turn around to find if the side of the bed was empty. She had already felt it when he slid out of the covers after his phone rang twice.

Her body cold and bare under the fleeting warmth of the coversheet. She rested her head under her palm upon the soft pillow, looking up at the ceiling. She began to recall all those intimate moments that happened last night.

His lips swaying over her skin. Rough and coarse hand was like sand slipping out of her hand, unable to catch even a single tiny grain. Those topaz eyes reflected and glinted like the sun and moon collided together. The treasure of long lost secrets buried in the depths of the sea bed, undiscovered and unattainable. Out of her reach, he had been inside her. Coming with spurts of his seed still clinging at her inner walls.

You are all I ever wanted.

Those immortal words haven't disappeared since he last said them. It still felt like it was the first time he ever said it.

She didn't know how to feel anymore.

As she looked up at the ceiling, seeing the blank wall high up over her head, keeping the snow and hail from crashing onto her. She stared hard at the nothingness.

She often did this when she was in deep thought. Thinking about what's to happen.

She didn't know why he left without saying anything. Then again, she didn't exactly give him a reason to stay.

She flaked out. Like bloody coward.

Wanting to switch off that annoying overthinking habit of her head, she reached over her bedside table and put on the first music she touched from her iPad.

She groaned outwardly when she heard the infamous song of Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You. Feeling lazy to change it, her eyes close as the lyrics melted inside her brain.

"If I should stay
I would only be in your way
And so I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way"

And I will always love you
I will always love you, my darling you

Bitter-sweet memories
That's all I'm taking with me
So Good-bye, please don't cry
'Cause we both know that I'm not
What you need

And I will always love you
I will always love you

A tear fell from her eye, dribbling down her cheek. This unearthed unholy feelings of wanting him, needing him and unable to make them pour out of her was like a bad medicine gone into a wrong pipe. It made her chest ache.

"Please." She begs to herself. "Please make it stop." Her tears flow stronger, tasting the salt in the corner of her mouth. Her chin quivers and her hands shakes.

She wanted to wipe away the rivers her eyes made but it was quite peacefully and painfully freeing not to rush up and cover them away from wandering eyes of the public. In her solace, she could let them flow without any caution.

A nauseating sugary aura enveloped her as the song began to fade away. She reached out her hand and switched off her iPad.

Taking a breath in, she eased a wavering breath out. Love wasn't supposed to be easy.

If it was, then why did she feel the holes inside her grow ugly and more? She knew the moment he left the bed, he had gone back to Pamela. Her shrill little voice was clear through the buzz of his phone when he answered it.