Sealed With a Kiss

Twenty Five Pt. II

XXV: Wanted cont.

THERE WAS LAUGHTER IN HIS EYES. A sort of lightness and frivolity that I envied. I missed feeling like I could laugh it all off. Even living in a shabby flat three months behind in my rent, I was happier than I am in a townhouse in the Upper East Side.

His laugher originated from within, a deep rumble that started in his eyes and worked its way to my ears. It was so carefree, so open. He held nothing back, no secret insecurities or dark feelings. Not like the ones that plague my heart. The jealousy and self-loathing I feel is heavy, relentlessly tightening its grip on my heart.

Dinner had been good, full of good food and even better conversation. He told me ridiculous stories of Dahlia and his mother, rolling his eyes at the mundane things he endures living amongst women. Now seated at the bar of the hotel he's staying at with a few glasses of wine in my system, my smiles were more frequent, his booming laugh louder.

Scott smiled that crinkly All-American smile at me and folded his hands under his chin. "So how are things with you?"

I leaned back into my seat with my glass between my hands and shrugged. "Good, I'm well."

"The gallery, things are going according to plan?"

I smiled into my glass. "It's wonderful. A great distraction really."

"From what?" I realized my slip-up and took a sip to buy time. I placed my empty glass down and looked into his worried gaze. A sea of chocolate embraced me. He looked at me and saw more than I was willing to divulge.

"And with Cole? Are things...?"

I looked away and nodded. "Yup."

He didn't ask what I meant. Instead he turned and waved over a waiter. "I think we need another round."

Scott knew I'd couldn't say more and he didn't push me. In a way, I think we're the same. He's a very quiet man, except when he's with me. When we're together you can't shut him up. Things are so easy with Scott Hastings. Conversation, laughter...everything.

As the waiter came around with another bottle of wine, I stopped to imagine what it would be like to be with Scott. He's everything I should want, and I know from his caring gaze that I could have it if I just said so. Scott is easy, never complicated and forthcoming. Loving him wouldn't hurt, it would be so natural. He's as easy as breathing; a breath of fresh air, a sip of hot cocoa, a smile in the darkness, a hug in the rain, Scott is everything and nothing.

Walking, breathing, loving--I can sit here as I watch my glass be refilled and imagine it all with him. It would be so easy, so simple. Uncomplicated. Just like Scott.

IT WAS NEARING MIDNIGHT BY THE TIME I LEFT THE BAR. Scott insisted he drive me but I sent Matt to come get me instead. I needed time away from Scott's infectious smiles to think.

Tonight had been wonderful. Relaxing and soothing, like a vacation away from life. But as we sped past the dark streets and the twinkling lights, all I could see was Cole. His icy eyes, his mischievous smirk, his cold exterior but his flaming interior. He was passionate and wild and unpredictable. He is like a drug to me, pulling me towards a dark and self-destructing path that I can't help but follow. Like a moth to the light, I walk further into the darkness.

I've not know jealousy like I do now whenever I see a new article of him with her. Anger like I have when I see him and he kisses me without reservation, without guilt. Despair when I push him away and I sob my throat sore.

Cole Richmond has made me feel excitement, unadulterated passion, and love. But he has also made me feel envy, and hate, and sorrow. Everything is intense with Cole, constricting, all-consuming. Walking is never just that, it's running, flying, soaring. Cole is ecstasy and addictive. It hurts to love him and it hurts to hate him. There's no grey, just black and white with him. Just a whirlwind of emotions, whiplash, vertigo--Cole Richmond is everything .