GODSPEED || V.H

030

Vinnie's POV

I was having those weird unusual days again, everything seem to be going very slow. I wanted to go home and just talk with Ivy if not that, maybe have those days were we didn't speak but hung around each other. It seemed like I was always with Ivy but to be honest, we stopped hanging out a couple of days ago. We got very busy with school work and we were distractions to each other.

What made me happy about Ivy was how determined and excited she was for the future. She always looked at the brighter side and I was jealous of that. I hated how whenever I was feeling down and gross, I felt stuck and everything seems so hard to overcome but Ivy seems to always find the way out of it. I wish I could do that.

I walked over to my locker, exchanging a few things out as Julian explained to the group of guys that surround him about the girls he was interested in, how to play around with them to easily win their hearts over. It was stupid. I think it was yesterday where he started to talk about Ivy, he said he wasn't sure how to win her over. It was stupid, I'm surprised I won her over till this day I questioned how I did it. I'm just glad she didn't give that dickhead a chance.

I heard her name again, I tried my best to hear to whatever input he said.. ".. yeah all you have to do is pretend you're weak, and with that you'll be able to wrap them around your finger" he bragged "she always wants to help others and you have to take advantage of that. It's just a fun game I play" he smiled.

"She even taste sweet, but don't go spreading  the word. It's our little secret, between us two. We promised to keep it hidden away from her boyfriend.. a small kiss" he continued. I slowly shut my locker leaving the school.

I highly doubt Ivy would cheat on me with Julian, she was always so annoyed with him. But I'm not sure abut Chris, but Chris seemed to not be interested in her.. well that's what I'm assuming. It was sad how Julian was starting to spread these false rumors about her, I don't understand what he gains from it. I mean after highschool, popularity doesn't even matter or exist anymore.

Everything felt weird, I mean I don't remember how I even got home. I cant explain it but my heart felt weird. I was also numb, but I was feeling that this morning? It's stupid how I was starting to get this feeling again, I was feeling lost and it's been ages where I got to this point. I remember Ivy took me out and made sure I had a great time before asking if I wanted to talk. Where I fell for her.

Ivy smiled up at me, and I wasn't sure if it was my mind playing games with me but her eyes didn't shine like before. I didn't understand, I hated the way I was feeling. I didn't know what to do or how to bring the topic up. Nothing felt comfortable to me, it was weird how before I felt home with her and now everything seems gray. I was starting to become scared.

Her phone screen lit up, I saw two messages from Chris, my eyes widen. Why did I start to overthink?

She laid her head on my chest resting her eyes shut, my hand stayed put on her back. It didn't move and I wasn't playing with her hair or running my hands up and down her body like before. I was frozen, this whole time I had to fight with two guys to win this spot. I remember feeling proud, but now I feel like I'm carrying this burden over my head that I wasn't doing enough for her. She deserves the whole world. Chris can do so much more, she doesn't have to deal with these weird days I get. He seemed to have his life put together. I know Im doing more than what Julian could do, but why was I getting this fear of losing her to Chris again. I was able to push it away until now.

Her phone vibrated again, it was Chris. Third time, why do you need to message three times?

I shifted on my bed, Ivy continued to rest her eyes. I swallowed, clearing my throat "I don't feel well.." I muttered she patted my chest "it's okay though, you deserve good days" she whispered. I didn't understand why but i was getting overwhelmed with emotions, I didn't have to deal with the fear of cheating..the fear of watching someone you love lose interest in you. That all seems too terrifying, and that's when I blacked out.

"I thought it was clear we were never in a relationship" I lashed out, Ivy's head picked up "What do you mean?" "I said what I said" I responded quickly. Ivy rose up from the bed now sitting on the edge she stared back at me with a confused look.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" Ivy carefully asked "am I lying?" I questioned her. "I don't understand what's going on.. is this some game?" She mumbled. "Ivy.. I'm just tired" "tired of what.." her eyes started to water.

"I'm tired of this fake relationship" I rubbed my forehead, her expression didn't change at all. She sat quiet on my bed biting onto her lip "we didn't establish the relationship to begin with, so whatever happened during it.. meant nothing."

Tears were streaming down her face "What makes you think I need your love, when I'm living perfectly fine without my dads" she stated grabbing her backpack. "I'm not surprised" I replied "who even are you?" She yelled.

"J-Just leave me alone, I don't understand you. And I don't ever want you to get near me!" She said in a tone before leaving my room quickly.

My eyes stung and I could feel my body droop, i thought I would be feeling a bit more better or relax but I didnt.. none of it was making sense but I was buried inside my blankets and pillows.

Minutes later, I could hear my phone buzzing on the side of my desk. I didn't have the motivation to pick it up, I just wanted to sleep and pause the world. I didn't understand what was going on, I didn't have control to whatever I said. I didn't mean that, she meant the world to me and I hope I was the same for her. I didn't understand anything but I was just so overwhelmed. I slept the whole night and then the weekend as well.

I didn't understand what was going on when I woke up Monday morning but I felt horrible. More than before, so many questions ran through my mind. I don't even remember what we argued about, the last image I had of her was when she was leaving my room telling me not to contact her every again.

Ivys POV

I sat inside my room my body shake while tears stream down my face. I didn't know waht to do, I was lost. I didn't understand why he lashed out on me, was this some plan? He didn't seem hurt at all, it felt like I was the only one who was actually hurt.. The way he stared at me after saying all that was insane. After the constant studying and doing assignments, I was hoping to find myself comfortable in his arms.

Was he seeing someone else? Did he lose the feelings for me completely? Was it because Chris and I were friends?

On Monday morning, I stayed inside my car and announced the "break up" to Delilah. She didn't question it, i went on with school acting like I wasn't really bothered by it. And he did the same as well.

But later that day Delilah came over and started to question the whole thing. She told me that Vinnie had said he was a bit confused but he thinks it was a  mutual break up, so I agreed. I mean he stated it wasn't a relationship. It was like we never met or crossed paths before, we continued to live and act unbothered by it. I mean I was use to it now, but I did miss him. I miss everything about him and now looking back at our memories none of it all felt right to me. I just didn't understand him and hearing the things he said to me stung.

I cut everyone out completely expect Delilah and Enzo. I like to think now that I was only made to give out love rather than receive it in this world. I always got goosebumps thinking about the breakup, I would get these weird waves and suddenly become emotionless.

I would get angry at myself sometimes, because I would often still cry about it at night. It was my first relationship?..I didn't know what to do with all these emotions. I didn't even know what to call the whole mess, I would continue to call it a break up. We said I love you to each other, we did things together. We even planned our future.

"You okay?" Delilah nudged me, I snapped away from my thoughts smiling over at her "yeah, just haven't been sleeping a lot" I lied. I hated how I was able to mask my feelings so well, for once I wanted to cry in delilahs arms but I didn't want to seem weak. I was overreacting everything, he seemed to be doing fine so I should be to. I should get my shit together, mentally. And then continued to do the things I was good at, school. I mean after this whole mess I'll be able to go into college, forget about him, the odds of us running onto campus is 50/50 but I liked it that way. In highschool I got to see him everywhere.

Graduation wasn't even far away either.