Thorns After Everything (Completed)

Chapter 24

"I'll be leaving tomorrow," Ate said.

Maro was eating silently.

It's been weeks after the funeral but I've been feeling heavy lately. The depression with the death, the pressure with the thesis, and the idea of Ate leaving us again hits so deep in me. Zadist is busy too but he always makes time to stick around with me. Paolla was also busy with their thesis as we are about to graduate but she never stops greeting me and asking me how I feel when we'll bump with each other at school. Maro always comforts me with his presence alone.

But I feel more... incomplete.

Why?

"Maris." Ate called.

Napatingin ako sa kanya matapos mapatulala.

She sighed. Umupo siya katabi ako sa kama ko.

"Are you okay?" Sabi niya.

No, Ate.

"Yeah."

"Do you want me to stay a little longer?"

So bad.

"No, it's fine. You have to go back and take good care of Mayen."

Her daughter.

She sighed.

"Is there anything you want to do? You know, have fun? I was wanting to rent a resort nearby pero I guess you're busy?" Sabi ni Ate.

"Like now?" I asked. "Let's go."

"Are you sure?" Sabi ni Ate.

The next thing that happened is that the three of us went to our Tita and visited her for an hour. After that, we went to a nearby hotel and checked in. Ate was treating us with a meal. A very welcoming place to stay in. A lot of photos were being captured. And gifts—

"Maro, this is for you. Merry Christmas!"

We are in our room now and currently, Ate is trying to give us some gifts we never asked for.

"Thanks, Ate!"

Maro opened the box and he received a laptop from Ate.

Maro's jaw dropped.

"Damn, it's Predator! Wow!"

Napangiti ako habang napatitig sa kanilang dalawa na sobrang saya.

Ate and I stared at each other.

"You needed this. I figured I don't want to lose contact with you anymore."

She gave me a rectangular box.

It was a phone.

I bit my lip.

"Just so I'm one call away, Maris." Sabi niya.

I immediately hugged her.

It was the most memorable night for me.

We had a great dinner in our room in our pajamas.

Parang stick to concept lang talaga si Ate sa last night together naming. Pero she assured us na sobrang gusto na nang husband niya na makilala kami ni Maro. They're hoping one day na pupunta kami sa Canada and also live there.

Ate can now afford of bringing us there kaso Maro decided to stay until he's a College Graduate. Ako naman, I have no reasons to leave.  Naiisip ko si Zadist. Zadist is part of my life now.

Hours passed.

Maro fell asleep.

But Ate and I decided to sip warm coffee.

"You're in love?" Sabi ni Ate.

I smiled, "In love as in love?"

She nods. "So his name is Zadist Cruspero."

"Yeah," I answered.

"How did you two meet?" Sabi niya.

Napaginhawa ako ng malalim.

"A strange coincidence," I stated and then I giggled.

"Do you mind elaborating?"

Umiling ako.

"Too lazy." She commented with my reaction. "How was it? Was it great? Not toxic? As far as I can remember—he's your first boyfriend right?"

I nodded.

"He's not toxic. He's almost perfect." I began. "I never thought of having anyone to depend on, to lean on, to be happy with, and to be with for a long time. I don't know I just felt like I wanted to give everything to him as he did for me."

Saying this to my sister is like healing myself. I never get to really open up about my feelings to anyone. Zadist understands me a lot. Paolla could guess what I lack of. And Ate could just... listen and feel what I'm feeling.

"Pero I always ask myself and I couldn't stop asking it to be honest."

"What is it?"

Tinignan ko siya sa mata.

"Saan ako masasaktan? Paano niya kaya ako mawawasak? I mean, he's everything to me. And now, it's just always a perfect moment with us. Sa ka-perfect ng lahat mapapaisip nalang talaga ako, kung ano naman ang kapalit."

Ate exhaled.

"If love was there—I was just wondering paano naiinsert ang pain?"

"I think you're afraid, Maris." Sabi niya. "You're afraid that someday—Zadist will able to hurt no matter how perfect your relationship right now."

"Kasi we just never know." Sabi ko and this is me overthinking.

"You're overthinking." She stated. Exactly what I think.

"He loves you and you loved him. That's enough."

"I'm scared. I feel like something's terrible is gonna happen."

"You gotta stop overthinking, Maris. And if one day that momentum will happen. I want you to listen to him. Listen to him. Calm yourself. And lastly, remember why you loved him in the first place. Kasi minsan hindi lang ang pagmamahal ang importante sa relasyon. Kundi pati ang Pagtitiwala."

At dahil pinag-uusapan namin ang relasyon naming ni Z, namimiss ko tuloy siya.

"I love you, Ate." And for the first time in a long time, nag-iloveyou ako kay Ate.

She hugged me and I hugged her back.

"You can come to me in Canada whenever you like. Just tell me."

I nodded even If I think it is impossible for me to go there.

Bigla nalang nag-blackout.

Ate opened her phone as a light.

All of a sudden, I remembered what happened before nung naghihingi ako ng sign ni Lord. It was also a sudden blackout and Ate came with light with her.

Napangiti ako.

Nabalik ang kuryente at hindi ko mapigilan ang mangiti while reminiscing the past.

This was the sign.

Every darkness I ever get to pass, there will be light ahead.

"Baka pagod ka, magpahinga ka na." Ate said.

"Sige po." I answered.

"Umilaw na kaya matulog ka na." Sabi niya ulit.

Now this feels like a de javu and I feel better.

Ate fell asleep.

I fell asleep naman hugging her.

The next morning—hinatid naming siya sa airport.

Maro can't help but cry.

Ako naman on the other side naging busy muli sa thesis. I needed to catch up and triple my effort with everything.

Zadist is also busy with his Thesis.

Everything's falling back into its place.

My life continued.