Nightingale | An Avengers Tale

Chapter 27 ~ guilt

If Buck had been a cartoon character, smoke would have been billowing out of his ears by now. Correction. His head probably would have exploded.

After Jack had disappeared to presumably enjoy the beach, Bucky had begun pacing back and forth around the sweltering motel room. He had begun to say something several times, but then had just starting ineligibly sputtering about something.

I was watching the whole display unfurl from my less than comfortable seat on the green thread barren couch. Honestly, it just matched the rest of the aesthetic this place was going for. Rundown. Sketch. You get the picture; this place was a dump.

I began to play with a loose thread in an effort not to make eye contact with him; that would only bring about the lecture I was about to hear even sooner. I hate conflict. Unfortunately, I'm fantastic as causing it.

"What were you thinking?" He spewed.

And here we go. What was I thinking? Oh boy, the number of answers I could provide was vast. "At what point in time are we talking?" I glanced up to see his face growing redder; if that were even possible. I guess that was a poor life decision on my part.

"Cut the sass." He ordered as he began pacing again.  "Do you have an idea of how irresponsible you've been?" He began lecturing. "There's a psychopath out there who knows how to put you under. You can't just go running all over the planet."

"I didn't run all over the planet." I argued as I crossed my arms. Technically that was true; I didn't go to Antarctica. Although if I was being honest, it was on my bucket list. I mean, how many people go to Antartica? Plus there were penguins; that continent seriously does not deserve all the hate it gets. It was cold, but so was this motel room thanks to a certain soldier.

"Paris. Rio. Calcutta. Melbourne. Bangkok." He paused. "Do I need to remind you of all the aliases you've used in the last two weeks?"

"No." I muttered as I stared straight ahead at a brown spot on the wall. The longer I stared at it, the more positive I was that it was where a cockroach had finally met its demise. "That's only like five other countries." I glanced up to see him glaring back at me. "Sorry." I muttered under my breath as my gaze again darted downward.

His face instantly softened as he sat down on one of the beds. "What's going on Tweety?" He shook his head. "I know you." He began. "And I know you can come up with something better than all of this." He motioned to the motel room.

I bit my lip as I continued to stare at the wall. Now would probably be the time to mention that I was almost out of money, but my mouth had other plans. "Did Peter say anything?" Fudge. Why did I have to go bring Parker into this mess?

"No." His softly said. "Should he have?" His voice grew slightly louder as a twinge of anger crept in.

I glanced up slightly surprised by his reaction. "I thought he might have." I slowly began as I continued to watch him. His ears were beginning to turn bright red. Out of all the things I could have said to have made him mad, this definitely shouldn't have been it.

"What should he have told me?" Bucky questioned through gritted teeth.

I bit back a sarcastic remark; honestly, I could have a lot of fun with this. But right then, I really didn't feel like providing comic relief. "Do you remember that mission in Tennessee?" I continued upon seeing him nod his head. "I killed two S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents; Rumlow covered it up to look like a plane crash." I paused. "Those were Peter's parents." For several minutes neither of us said anything, the only sound was the humming motor from the mini-fridge.

"You told him the letter." Bucky finally finished.

I nodded in response. "Does he hate me?" I glanced up to look at him.

"He was worried about you when we learned you'd left." Bucky paused. "We were all worried."

"I'm sorry." I softly said. "I couldn't stay."

"Why?"

"Buck, I killed Peter's parents. Barton is partially deaf because of me." I paused as I tried to calm my frantic breathing. "I almost killed you." I began to rush. "She knows that you're my weaknesses, and she will try to use that against me."

"If she's trying to exploit your weaknesses, she could just stop with the nearest dog she can find."

I smirked at his response; that honestly was true.

"I see you haven't forgotten to laugh." He joked. "This is a start." His face grew serious. "Withdrawing  yourself from the people that care about you isn't going to help." He paused. "Caring is not a weakness. It's a strength. The people that will try to use that against you are the weak ones because they have no one."

"I just don't want to hurt anyone else." I softly replied.

"Lil." He earnestly began.

"I killed Jack's uncle and I don't even remember doing it." I protested as I jumped to my feet. "I can't beat her. I don't know how to beat her. She's knows everything about me, and I know nothing about myself."

"Lil." He held his hands up. "It's going to be ok."

"No. It's not." I reached for my backpack and pulled out the glasses and slammed them down in front of him. "I'm a screwup. I'm going to go to jail if I don't return these, and if I don't, I'll have no advantage to beat her."

He glanced down at the glasses. "You're going to jail over a pair of sunglasses?" He smirked as he leaned back. "I know I've been out a while, but seriously, I'm not falling for this prank."

I stared blankly back at him. He didn't know. Maybe none of them knew. "I had you really scared for a second though." I smirked as I adjusted the glasses on my face. My breathing evened out as I confidently smiled back at him.

He shook his head as he intently watched me model the sunglasses. "So what's your grand plan?"

I bit my lip; he wouldn't approve of Jack's plan. But at the same time, my plan wasn't really an option as long as there was a chance that I could be traced. There was a difference between accepting Buck's help and the help of the rest of the Avengers. Hydra had infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. once before, and while the organization had begun rebuilding, there would always be those who were loyal to Hydra. While I knew that S.H.I.E.L.D. was technically the good guys, the bad guys would always have an easier time infiltrating them because at their core they wanted to believe the best about people.  "Pizza."

"Pizza?"

"Yeah. I think I'm going to go get pizza." I shrugged. When stuck at a crossroads, the best option was always to pick the choice that led to food and air conditioning.