Words I've Kept

Outsider

I hate that I constantly rediscover the fact that I don’t belong

I find a place and I'm happy for a short while just to be handed the key to the exit 

I’m always feel singled out and I’m sick of being the one who is painted as the villain 

I could save a thousand lives, walk into a room and suddenly be labeled as a terrorist

I have no reason to believe that I will even be with the in crowd

I have no faith that I will ever have a home away from home because even my head and my heart don’t feel welcoming 

I have no way to breathe without it alerting the enemy that I’m available to be suffocated

I no longer can find solace in the fact that I have people around me because with time I will find that all people are the enemy

I am left for dead

 Hung out to dry 

I really just want to find a place where friend and foe aren’t defined by an image of the exact same person

I don’t want to be given poisoned air and then shot on sight because what I exhale is toxic

I have never been handed the side of society that says I am free to have interests with no ridicule for liking what I do

I was born to be shadow because with my vampiric soul will burn in the light

The day is my pain 

The night is my damnation 

Living another day is torture 

Taking another breath is regretful

The voice my mind speaks with is sharp and cold as the dagger on my wrist 

The song of my heart plays a tune that aligns with the marching feet of the reapers that carry my casket to its final resting place 

I am out of place because this world is a puzzle that was not made for the likes of me

I am unwanted because the I reside within the trash that is treasured by no one 

I am unloved because if the definition of love is entitled to some form of valid respect then there’s none for me

I am lost because I was abandoned roadside like a stray and no one will look for me 

I’d bet the rope around my neck the there is no true optimism that carries my name 

I can't believe in silver linings because I’ve never even been worthy of the bronze

Lost and unwanted

Insignificant and worthless

Forgotten and a burden just like the common penny

I don’t ask for pity

I want no attention

Because it's all as temporary as the passing breeze

I want structure

I seek permanence 

I long for some anchor to keep me grounded because right now I only wish to drift away

Toss me aside 

Forget me please

Give my name no recognition 

Break apart my memories and spread them with my ashes

When you burn my body, my belongings, ensure that you also burn every trace of my existence 

I didn’t ask to be here 

I've made no attempt to ensure I stay

I have looked death in the eye with no given warning and I put forth no struggle 

I just want one night where I don’t pray that the shooting star lands on me because its my final request

I don’t want to keep wasting tears on myself because I can't stand the thought of me

I don’t want to open my arms to daggers again

I want to be happy

Genuinely happy

I want to be inspired

Actually inspired

At this point my head and my heart have lost the will to die because with my luck death is not an escape

There is no bed to lay in because I’ve skipped ahead and made my grave instead 

I want to sleep 

I want to dream

But I don’t wish to wake

Lay me with the sea because the ocean takes no side

The ocean will shift and carry my soul 

Let me sleep within the waves

I wanna dream

Let me dance with the tide 

I want to waltz

Let my life find its meaning where meaning isn’t required

Let me sleep once again.