25 to life // euphoria one shots

19 - when you saved me

" you can look back at your mistakes and regrets all you want, but to be able to make those wrongdoings into something better, into a life lesson, it provides strength and sincerity in rough times. "

info
- rue x reader
- 1st and 3rd person
- 1st person/narration is in y/n's pov
- you're in a relationship with rue
- a bit of angst in the beginning but fluff at the end
- tw: substance abuse and suicide
- the beginning of flashbacks are marked and in italics

rue. rue bennett. what a beautiful name. it even rolls off the tongue if you think about it.

who is rue bennett besides my girlfriend?

well, she's a strong individual. she's someone who's able to adjust and live with a weight on her back. maybe she wasn't peaceful at first. she was definitely selfish, her mind in the wrong place.

everything in her head and in her life felt scattered—she even told me that. she described it as an ongoing shackle with a weight at the end being dragged behind her every time she took a step. she felt the world was eyes watching her every move and having something against her. her heart laid in discontent and swallowed by anxiety instead of looking towards the good. this was her problem.

she was looking for an escape, practically anything that would make such a weight go away. and that's when she settled on drugs. although the drugs some times didn't make her feel euphoric, it made her forget the horrible reality around her for the day. what she didn't realize was how selfish she was for doing this and what she was sacrificing every time she decided to pop a pill in her mouth or snort a bag of psychedelic sugar.

when i first met rue, she was a destroyed person. not just a case of devastation, rather a case of destruction. all her relationships with people seemed like meaningless blurs to her, making the edge of a ten story building and the road below feel more peaceful and clearer than actually helping herself. with this mindset, rue had absolutely nothing but also every single thing to lose.

*flashback*

"no! i don't need you!" rue ran down the hallway, looking back at my figure coming towards her.

"please! let me help you! you're ruining yourself!" i yelled back. rue instinctively went into the bathroom and slammed the door shut, locking herself in.

i ran up to the bathroom door and knocked until my knuckles felt sore. "rue, it's not worth it!" i heard the unscrewing of a pill bottle cap and the slight, shaking echo of the bottle hitting against the sink.

"rue, don't do this! you're hurting yourself!" "can you go away?" rue's voice exclaimed from behind the door.

her dearest friends and her own family didn't want to see her like this and she acknowledged this. she's been acknowledging the reality of her whereabouts and mental state. she knew how much destruction she caused on everyone else and most of all, herself. what i noticed was that there was a clear yet blurry line. yes, the drugs add on to the issues. but the real problem was acceptance.

rue set her weight down in the middle of acceptance and misconception. she stayed in a neutral grey area that only held her down and made her more confused of what she wanted. she accepted the fact that she was ruining everything but she also didn't want to accept the fear of everything in her world crumbling away.

*flashback*

rue locked herself in her bedroom and sank to the floor, her knees meeting her chest as her arms wrapped tightly around her legs, holding this position.