She & Him

Part 39: The Answer

It would be in her best interest to leave me. For her to walk away and find a new lover.

One without the past of pain inducing.

One without psychotics.

One more parental favored.

Our waters are muddied.

They will always be muddied.

How can't she understand that.

"Well?"

"Why do you want me so bad?" I ask like a child who doesn't understand. Her face contorts and her brows hinge in confused peaks.

"What?"

"Why do you want me?"

"I've told you many times- I want you because you're sweet and caring and funny..."

"So nothing specific." It's hard not to feel crushed under the weight of the uncertain feelings of someone else.

"Draco- you are sweet the way you hold me and tell me you want a family. You're caring in the way you look after a boy who isn't related to you in anyway and an older lady who everyone has given up on. The way you stand up for me. And you funny when you screw around in bed- your little witty comments and what not. I love all of it. I love all of you." Her hands come up and rest flat on my chest as she stares down at the space between them.

"There are plenty men out there who are all those things and what's more is your parents would actually approve of them because they never hurt their daughter in anyway." I pull from her reach and go back to the dishes.

"You're absolutely right." A dagger- right through my heart: it pierces and drains me of life. "There are plenty of men out there who would instantly be approved of by them. They're all probably charming and witty and handsome. They probably would love burying themselves in me and winning my heart."

Closing my eyes- I try to push down my frustration and pain. Letting her go should be simple because I only want the best for her and I'm not it.

So why is this so bloody difficult to listen too?

"Then you should go find one." I bite. "It shouldn't be hard at all."

"They would be pleasant and interested. They would give me everything I ever wanted to have me."

"Sounds like a bloody magnificent dream for you." Snapping, I let the pan in my hand clang at the bottom of the sink and and turn the water off and leave the kitchen. I hear her feet pound against the wooden floor behind me as she follows me out towards the living room.

"Grrr!!!! You are so frustrating!!!" She hollers and soon I feel a couch cushion hit me in the back of my head. I want so badly to whip it back, but instead I keep heading towards the stairs. It's not long before I hear her feet pounding up the carpeted steps after me. "Why can't you just accept my feelings?!"

I spin on my heels and am in her face.

"Why can't you accept the fact that I don't belong with you?! That I will never be thought of as the perfect man for Hermione Granger! That I will never forgive myself for my past and that I will always only ever try to do what's best for you- which is staying the Hell out of your life!!" Her tears prick up in her eyes and my heart twinges hard. "Go ahead, Granger! Cry! Because that's the only kind of life you'd have with me! One filled with pain and disappointment!!"

"Why are you being like this...." She sobs and reaches out for me, but I step out of her reach.

"I'm not being like anything! This is who I am! And if you tell yourself any different then you're a bloody fool!" I boom and I notice Leo behind her coming up the stairs. He looks scared as he reaches the landing and hides slightly behind Hermione's leg.