She & Him

Part 14: Lost Mind

Watching him leave had to be the hardest thing for me.

No.

The hardest thing I think, was him having other plans...with a woman.

Why it bothers me so much- I can only chalk up to being lonely and maybe desperate.

They say when you feel alone and suddenly you're not- that you can create mock feelings and infatuations for that person. If anything came of it- you probably wouldn't stand it for long. It would end as soon as you captured their heart...only them you'd end up breaking it.

I don't like to think of myself as desperate...but it's been over almost a year without a man and hanging around Draco this passed week has really just...you know- played into my womanhood's longing?

Touching him...God, it makes my body ache, but lust isn't love. It can't be a relationship.

That's all this is.

This ache.

It's lust.

Isn't it?

I don't know.

I may never know.

Especially since he's going to start seeing that nursemaid.

Good for him though.

Being bold enough to date a Muggle. I would have expected him to stay single for the rest of his life if he couldn't have a pure blooded witch. Even a half-blood would treat his ego better than a Muggle. But we all know the one kind he'd never go for.

Mud...

Huh...

I hate that word.

I have to look at it every single day of my life. And every time I do- all I hear is his voice.

"No one asked you. You filthy little mudblood."

He says I shouldn't say it or call myself that...but how can't I? Seven years of it being screamed at me. Eight years of staring at it has only reinforced the binding it has. I don't think it'll ever go away. I don't think I'll ever see myself as anything, but a filthy Mudblood.

But I have bigger problems to deal with.

There's a new Dark Lord growing out in the world. An Italian called Synard Bartoli. He has slowly been compiling Wizards and Witches all across Europe and Asia to join his forces. They want to eradicate Muggles and Muggleborns. They've already been connected to five murders. Three Mugglborn families and two Muggles. One in France and one in Russia. Synard is vial and has more followers than Voldemort ever had. It worries me that he has groups in all corners of the world. My Ministry and others across Europe and Asia have begun compiling our own army of Aurors, but the problem is, none of the banks funding divisions want to pay extra to Aurors or Healers because they feel it is their jobs to catch the bad guys- they should get bonuses for showing up. Yet we already lost 9 Aurors from the UK segment- five from Belgium- 12 from Russia- and 19 from Japan. Their families now have to suffer without that kind of money to pay for funeral costs. I'm battling the banks and federations to get my people better pay as compensation for risking their lives!

If we don't get things under control- another war will begin and this time Muggles will be exposed to magic and probably die from it.

That's the reason I want to push for our outing- so we don't have to triage them knowing about us and cover their arses in secret. At least if they know what's coming they can somehow prepare. Make some kind of plan with the help of Ministries.