She & Him

Part 48: Confusion in the First Degree

I can't feel anything.

Pregnant.

What's more is Draco is acting as if he hadn't hurt me horribly.

Didn't even seem to care that he's the father of this baby growing inside me.

Sitting in my living room, I stare at the sonogram I had taken today.

It's not big in any way...but it's there. A tiny little bean of his DNA and mine. For someone who wanted a family- you'd of thought he'd have been there. Excited and comforting.

Instead he made it a joke.

Congratulations on my baby.

Not his.

Not ours.

Mine.

I feared to be a Mum, because how can I be good at something I've never done before? How can I be perfect and succeed?

I succeed at everything...besides Divination- but that's rubbish.

I don't do something unless I know fully well I will be successful at it.

And now this.

"You doing alright, Hen?" Ginny brings me some tea and Luna brings the biscuits.

"No. Not in the slightest. What am I going to do? I can't have a baby." I take the tea and a biscuit after setting the sonogram down.

"You can and you are. I know you're scared, but you'll be great and you'll laugh at your fears after he or she arrives." Ginny smiles and bites into a biscuit.

"Remember how Ginny and Harry swore they'd be horrible parents and James would be taken away from them within a month?" Luna casually says. "They did okay."

"Excuse me? Okay?" Ginny bites and James looks up from the toys Ginny brought with her. "He is an Angel and you take that back. Okay. Phhh- we're doing amazing. Sure...occasionally I want to rip my hair out and I feel I have no purpose other than to wipe bums and clean up snot- can't even go to the Loo alone any more: but I wouldn't trade it for the world."

"You said you missed out on being the captain of the Harpies..." I cry slightly.

"Yeah...but it's just quidditch. Besides- I'm back now- thanks to Mum baby sitting every once in a while and Harry adjusting his schedule for me."

"You have someone to adjust schedules with. I don't...and I don't know if I can be Minister and a Mum."

"First off- it's Mum and then Minister. Baby comes first now." Ginny corrects me and my heart caves. "And secondly- if the Queen of Bloody England can be a Mum and rule the country- you can be a Mum and maintain your Minister duties. Hell- you'll probably put all Mums to shame because you have to do everything better than everyone else."

"I think she's implying you're a bit of a narcissistic perfectionist." Luna giggles and sips her tea.

"I'm just saying if anyone else can do it- Hermione Granger can do it ten times better and with more finesse."

"Though I appreciate the compliment and confidence boost- I still can't see myself doing this...alone."

"You're not alone- you have us." Ginny hands James a biscuit and looks at me sternly.

"I know that...but he was the one who wanted children. Now he's acting like he has not clue what he's done."

"Are we not allowed to refer to him by his name anymore? Because if we are- then I may have to step out of this conversation because I know I'll forget." Luna seriously says- her blonde hair wildly strung up in a bun- which seem totally uncharacteristic of her.