I Love You, I'm Sorry

Mission

Where should i start? I can't just ask Potter where the hell has she been all this time. It would be very obvious that something's up since Potter get curious easily, he can't know yet.  Potter must've known what i did, he'll get suspicious and that's probably the last thing i want. At this point of time, being caught was the last thing i want. I had to do whatever it took to make sure that my son will live. But then how will i explain this to Potter, he must know this, but i can't ask his help yet, i need to get to Hermione first without the help of Potter.

Honestly, I haven't heard of her since the Hogwarts battle, Potter hasn't even mentioned her either, well he did, but just once. I don't even know where to start. He doesn't even tell me anything about her or Weasle, he's a very private person. All we talked about was me, my situation, or anything that is work-related. For god sake where should i start, i don't have any information about her, i don't even know how much did Potter knows about Hermione and I. I just cant explain whatever i did back then again.

Where should i start? Come on Malfoy think. If Rodolphus really said that Hermione is in here, then that means he's right. She is still here, because if she left he would've told me right? If she's here, I have to start to think of places she might crash, except the Weasley's residence, it's not like i can walk in the front door and ask where the heck is she. Or maybe should i go to the place where i found her? She seemed to be familiar with this place already, she knew where she was going back on that day. Maybe it's been her getaway place for years, should i go check?

I decided to apparated to Diagon Alley and follow the trail where Granger and i met, when i bumped to her the other day. I still sort of forgot where is this secret bench fountain thing, but i believed my instincts, i knew she headed this way. After a few minutes of wandering where to go, hoping that i won't get lost because i never been here, if i wasn't following Granger that day, i wouldn't even know this place existed.  I finally arrived at the place that i believed was the spot where Granger cried the other day after a few moments of wandering around.

At first, i wanted to go sit on that bench and wait, but i don't think it's a very good idea because if she came and saw me, I'm afraid that she would freak out and probably just go away or probably apparate to god knows where and it'll loose my chance of seeing her. It'll might blow the whole thing right?  i think staying at my usual spot would be the best option right now. 

I kept waiting and waiting, hoping that she would appear to this spot. I was running out of options, i didn't want to meet Potter at this moment because i'm not in the mood to socialize. God please Granger please show up, my son's life depends on it.

After a few moments of waiting i decided to go home, it's been 2 hours and she hasn't shown up, maybe another day. Today is just not the day for Granger to come here. Im starting to run out of options, i visited the library, the leaky cauldron but she wasn't there or maybe she's in the muggle world? Maybe, I dont even know. It's a lot bigger because there are 114 countries, she could've been anywhere.

I started to feel concern, those feelings keeps popping in my head which makes me tormented whether i should do this or not, my heart and brain keeps battling which is very disturbing and makes me stumped.

Was i doing the right thing? Keepin' my son safe by handing over Potter's precious friend to the death eater? Gods it sucks that i had zero people to talk to or consult to about this. This isn't an easy decision, we are talking about handing over someone's life in order to save others. Death Eater made no promises i bet things could get worse. Shit.