I Love You, I'm Sorry

Funeral

She laid there peacefully, beautifully, perfectly, she was no longer in pain, i bet she's been holding it for a while but she didn't want to show it to me, and Scorpious, remembering how she tried to stay strong makes me weak. Why does it have to be her? Why can't it be someone else? The funeral was private but i can see a lot of my fellow Hogwarts "friends". Apparently Astoria wasn't anything much like me, she was loved by a lot of people. Even Potter and Weaslette came with their 3 children. But even better, the whole Weasly family was there since Potter and Weasel King were in the aurors with me. They gave me their sympathy. I can only nodd and smile, i'm currently focusing on how to be there for Scorpious, who is still crying beside his mother's grave.

I just wait for him until he is done, i decided to give him as much time as he need. Both of our eyes were swollen due to our loss. Apparently, we decided to put this funeral ceremony in private because i don't want any reporters to come, especially that stupid faced Rita Skeeter. Even though i know the news will be on the front page for a few weeks from now, but the shitty rumors were the last thing i wanna face right now. 

An hour later we decided to go back home. Scorpious and i didn't have much talk on our way back. He was still in deep shock. I was so confused on how to start a conversation with him. It was still a Summer Holiday before Scorpious's third year. He never came out of his room unless it was only for grabbing some food, he's getting thinner too, he usually eats a lot but ever since her mother's death he always eat in a smaller portion, i tried to talk to him but he always said that he wasn't hungry. I'm sure the loss of his mother really gave a huge impact on him.

We usually eat food at the dining table together and now i'm just on my own. I've been so alone, i just hope that Scorpious talked to me at least to comfort each other. 3 days till its been a week. I can't stand it anymore, he's who i have left. 

I didn't know how to approach him, because for the last 13 years, I've been so busy working and making sure that i can provide what's best for my wife and son, i don't want them to wait whenever they want something because i don't have any money. That's why I've been too busy working until i realized i didn't have much time to spend with my own son.

Honestly, i just want to end my life right now, i've never been happy since i was a kid. I was abused by my own family, i was brainwashed that wealthy purebloods are better than any race and kinds in the wizarding world especially mudbloods. 

I was forced to join the Death Eater for the sake of my father because he failed one of Voldemort's missions and he turned me in as an exchange and became a prisoner in my own house. When other people were spending their summer holiday for a vacation and family bonding time, i spent my holiday by witnessing countless of body slaughtered and tortured in my own house. Bloods and screams were the things that i heard and saw almost every day.  

One day i was forced by Voldemort to cast a  cruciatus course on someone but i was too scared to do so, and it caused me to get tortured most of the time for not being brave enough for them. While everybody was certain to be loyal to the dark lord, i don't and that's what makes me get into trouble, almost every time. A normal parent would protest or would kill if someone gets their son hurt right? Well my parents didn't, they were to scared of Voldemort instead of seeing me, their own son getting tortured and getting hurt. I hate this, i really want to scream on top of my lungs and just get the hell out of here and start somewhere new.  My own parents couldn't even protect me because they were more scared of Voldemort. 

How i wished that things could be different, why did i have to be born into this family, this isn't right, but i didn't have a choice. I can't find someone to talk to. 

After the war ended, and my parents were sentenced to Azkaban, i thought i would never had a life in front of me. Nobody likes me, i was known as the betrayal. Thanks to Saint Potter who suddenly pitties me, we had a long serious talk and that's where everything was spilled, the reason why i hated him all because of the jealousy that he could live a normal life while I didn't. It was a long walk, but he wanted to listen, he also was the one who helped me to testify in the court. He always had a bigger heart, he listened, and thats when i knew, i really had a chance to start somewhere new, his trust in me bought me to the ministry where i worked there and met  Astoria. 

She changed me, she's the savior of my life because even though i was accepted, doesn't mean the workers accepted me, and that's something i had to face because of the decisions i took, i can see the way they looked at me with disgust because of what i did in the past, but she didn't, Astoria didn't look at me like that, she really proved to me that second chance does exist. And now she's gone, if it's not only for Scorpious, what 's only left of her, i would've end my life right now.

I promised Astoria to keep an eye on him, to be always there for him and most importantly, to be best friends with him. Draco and Scorpious against the world she said.