The World, Biscuits And Sirius Black According To Nellie O'Neill

Caldrons, Water Fights, Apologies And Me

I followed some Ravenclaw’s to find out where their common room was. Well, I say followed but it was more like stalked. I know, I was here before playing my prank on Sarah, but I have a brain like a sieve. Even my mom thinks so. Anyways, I was waiting outside this damn common room, sitting on the stairs. Who knew that they were this high up? I swear, I almost had a heart attack climbing up those stairs. The only exercise I ever get is Quidditch, and since when did sitting on a broom looking for stuff count as exercise? Some games I barely even moved.

I felt a bit like a carpet. I was standing there, unmoving like a tense game of musical statues, as people pretended not to hear me when I asked them if they could go and drag Lucas out. All I wanted was to see Lucas. I needed – no – wanted to apologize. It was the right thing to do.

“Excuse me.” I shouted at a boy who had just walked up the spiral staircase. “Do you live here?”

The boy raised his eyebrows, “I’m a Ravenclaw.” He pointed to his badge as if the fact should have been obvious. It’s not my fault I didn’t think of that. He could have stolen it anyway. Couldn’t he? So I was being the smart one and he was being the stupid one. Ha! Better not tell him that though. He could get offended, and the last thing I needed was to offend another person. “Why?” He asked, curiously.

“Do you know Lucas Miles?” I asked him, “He’s a boy and he has hair.” Description of people has never been one of my talents. A lot of people don’t really have defining physical attributes.

The thought about it for a moment. “Yes. Why?” Wow, this boy sure did like to ask questions. It was getting a little annoying but I needed to keep him on my side so I answered him.

I was being clever.

Surprising, I know.

“Please, could you go in there and tell him to come out here. I really need to talk to him.” I pleaded. “It’s urgent.” I might as well chuck that in there. It might make him agree to help me that little bit more.

“Why do you need to talk to him? Are you two dating or something?” He looked me up and down before raising an eyebrow.

“Yes. At least, I think we are,” I mumbled. “It’s personal okay?” The boy shrugged. “Will you just do it? Please?”

The boy made a humming sound for a few seconds, “I suppose. I’ll call it my kind act of the year. That’s my new year’s resolution done.” He chuckled, but I didn’t. I wasn’t sure whether it was a personal joke and I didn’t quite get what was funny. “Wait here.” He ordered.

I nodded. It wasn’t like I was going anywhere else anyway.

The eagle knocker told us a riddle, which I found a bit odd. “What is broken every time it's spoken?” I looked around; I hoped it wasn’t talking to me because I had no idea.

The boy smiled, “Silence.”

“Correct.” The door swung open and the boy walked right in.

I sat waiting there, feeling impatient. It was like time had slowed down! Flippen hell, couldn’t that boy hurry up?

Then, the door swung open and Lucas joined me on the stairs. “Hi Nellie.” His voice was smooth. “You sent Harry to find me. What do you want?” There wasn’t anything malicious in his tone or his words. He just wanted answers and he always went straight to the point. There wasn’t enough time to waste any of it.

“I came to tell you that I’m sorry about yesterday.” I stared at the floor for a while. “I wanted to go after you, but I wasn’t sure where do you would go.” Dig yourself a deeper grave Nellie, why don’t you? “Are you okay Lucas?” I ran my finger along the gash of his forehead, Lucas winced. “Sorry.” I murmured.

Lucas grinned, “I’m okay Nellie.” He took a deep breath in. “It’s just I’m confused. I don’t want to be stuck in the middle of something that’s really complicated.” Lucas looked at me as he grabbed my wrist to pull me closer to him. Strangely, It unnerved me. I don’t know why. “Do you even actually like me? Or am I just…” He drifted off.

I thought about it for a single second. “Yes.” I breathed, “I do.” I wasn’t lying. It was true, I did like him. His company was pleasant. I liked him before I even met Sirius, didn’t I? Well, I fancied him anyway. Something was missing; I knew that much. I didn’t know what though and therefore, I couldn’t fix it. Not that I could claim that I was brilliant at fixing stuff, but maybe I would at least try. No need to think about that though, I've got to focus. I like Lucas and that is it. Just don't think about anything else.

Lucas.

Not Sirius.

“Okay then.” Lucas seemed to believe me as he kissed the tip of nose. I made a resolution there and then to try harder with this relationship. Maybe it was meant to be like this. Maybe it was always going to end like this. That Sirius and I were never going to be; all we were was a couple of feelings that went awry and drifted onto the wrong course.

I looked at Lucas; he was a good person. He ticked the boxes of being a good boyfriend: he cared, he let me speak and he seemed interested in what I had to say. What else did I need?

Don’t answer that.

“I’m sorry about earlier.” Lucas began. “It’s just Black.” Lucas cringed at the word. “Knows the right things to say. He knows how to push my buttons, that’s for sure.” He was bitter, I could tell. I knew he hated the power Sirius had over him. He was desperate to break free, but there is no instructions on that is it? I don't know how to break free from peoples spell either.

“Yeah. I’m sorry about that again.” I said simply because I didn’t what else to say. People always seem to say sorry, even when it’s not their fault, ‘My dog died’, ‘Oh I’m sorry’. It’s like it’s meant to fix something. It’s just a word and it’s not a very interesting one either but sorry looks like you've tried at least.

“Don’t be.” Lucas smiled. “It’s best if I don’t mix in his company too often.” Lucas stared forward at the stones on the wall. I glanced at them too, there was nothing really interesting about them.

“Yeah. I’m going to agree with that.” I smiled at him.

“I won’t mind if you carry on seeing him though. That is, if you want to though.” Lucas said, I wondered whether he was telling the truth. If I said ‘yes, I’m still going to be friends with Sirius’, would he secretly resent me for it? The truth was simple; I had to see Sirius still. I wasn’t ready to give him up, not after just getting him back. I just couldn’t. I never wanted to lose anybody that meant something to me. It causes trouble more often than not. It’s the reason I still can’t quite let go of Regulus completely.

I let people become essential to me easily. Somebody told me it was a good thing, but sometimes I have a hard time believing that. Especially when I’ve already lost them a long time ago and I’m just clinging onto the memories they left.

“Thank you.” I whispered softly as I ran my fingers through his naturally soft hair.

Lucas smiled for a moment. He almost felt unreal, like if I went to touch him, he wouldn’t be there. He was sitting right next to me, yet he was miles away. He looked dazed, locked in his own world. He stood still, like a statue in a museum, not really there, just an imitation of the real thing. Within seconds though, he was back in this world as he placed his hand on my shoulder, and the moment was lost. “No problem.” The aloof smile played on his lips.

“I have to go.” I stated and Lucas sighed, in a annoyed way. “I have detention.” I made a sour face and almost told him that it was with Sirius, but for some reason I stopped myself. I didn't need to hurt him anymore, the last thing I wanted was to mess everything up when I had just made it all better again.

“For your prank?” Lucas frowned but then he laughed. His laughter was soft. It was a sound I didn't really imagine to come from him. “That was a good one Nellie. I couldn’t stop laughing. Sarah was fuming.” He touched my cheek. “She didn’t need to use violence though, but who the hell am I to talk?” He laughed again as he stopped to drift into his thoughts for a moment.

“Yes.” I agreed “You can’t talk anyway. Can you?” I laughed slightly, “And thank you.” I replied sheepishly, trying to hide the glee that my prank made me feel.

“Bye.” He kissed me and I tried not to freeze. His lips were cold, like ice. His lips were pressed against mine but it didn't feel perfect. It felt a little forced, but I pushed that thought into the back of my mind as I kissed him back. “See you tomorrow.” He said, smiling at me, he does have a lovely smile. It makes his whole face change, it makes him even more beautiful. Not Sirius beautiful, but he was stunning never the less. I realized why my hormones were attracted to him in the first place.

“Good night Lucas.” I gave him little wave as I walked down the spiral stairs. I felt a little lighter, I had fixed that relationship, or at least applied a bandage on it for the meantime.

I went straight to Professor McGonagall classroom. I waited around for Sirius. I wondered whether he would come and I hoped he would.

“Am I late?” Sirius asked as he came striding down the hall.

“Nope.”

“That’s surprising.” He muttered, “Have you even tried to get in yet?”

“No, I thought I’d wait for you.”

Sirius nodded, “After you.” He motioned as he opened the door.

I walked in; Professor McGonagall looked at us and nodded. “It doesn’t please me to have you here.” To be honest, I’m not pleased to be here much too. I’d rather be in bed. “Nor does the fact that I will be seeing you a lot more Miss O’Neill.”

Even the last remaining tinge of blue to my skin tone couldn’t hide my blush.

“Here at Hogwarts, w e will not be tolerating that kind of behaviour. To attack a student in that way is despicable.”

I couldn‘t help but try to defend my actions. “She started it. Believe me. And she slapped me! I bet she got away with it didn’t she?”

“I don’t want to hear your excuses.” She snapped and I stayed silent. She scared me a little. “Sarah has been dealt by her head of house.” She stared at me evilly. I felt the size of mouse. “Now, for this dentition, you are here for wandering the halls after curfew." She eyed Sirius, then me. "You will be scrubbing all the cauldrons down in Potions.” Sirius sighed. “Follow me.”

We followed her to the dungeons and walked into a classroom and there were cauldrons were piled upon cauldrons. It was quite daunting. “I’ll be here to check on you in an hour.” She turned, “Oh. Hand me over your wands.” We grumbled and handed them over. “Brushes are over there.” She pointed to the brushes and two buckets of soapy water. “Once you are done, you may leave.” Then, she walked out, without looking back.

McGonagall has style.

“Well, this is going to be good.” Sirius noted, as he passed me a brush. He proceeded to get one for himself before dipping it into the bucket. He looked at a cauldron before sighing. “Let’s get this over with.” He began scrubbing it.

I dipped my brush into soapy water and began scrubbing a cauldron.

It’s lot harder than it sounds because old potion lingered in the bottom, plus they just very dirty anyway. This detention sucks. I think I’d rather hang upside down by my ankles in the hall than this. Of course, I’d wear shorts or trousers or something like that. Then again, how long would I have to be hanging upside down? Because if it’s for hours, then maybe cauldron scrubbing is for the best.

Oh, the possibilities are endless!

“So,” Sirius began, “Have you had a fight with Izzie or something? Because she a really bad mood earlier. Well, worse than usual anyway.” He made a face but I didn’t laugh.

“Yeah.” I replied, quietly. “We have. Just before I argued with you actually.” I laughed, bitterly.

“What happened?” Sirius stopped scrubbing.

“I shut her out.” I paused for a moment, “Now I don’t quite know what to do.”

“Did you mean to shut her out?” Sirius asked, gently.

“No…it’s just…” I stopped because I didn’t know what to say. “I don’t know.”

“You two will sort it out. I know it.” Sirius voice was full of optimism, so much optimism, it would make a pessimistic sick. He grinned at me and my stomach flipped.

“I hope so.”

We sat in silence for a few moments. I yawned. “This detention is boring.” I whined as I scrubbed another cauldron.

“Really? I’m finding it fun.” Sirius sarcastically answered me. “In fact, this is best time of my life.”

“I feel honored to be sharing this moment with you.”

“You know Nellie,” Sirius grinned. “I have an idea.”

“I’m a little frightened.”

“Don’t be.” He winked at me.

Okay. Now I’m really frightened.

“Let’s go.” He announced.

“No. Sirius, We’ll get detention for longer! I mean, I have one for everyday of the week. I can’t have any more. Can’t we just stay here?”

“But Nellie, live a little.”

“I think the problem is I’ve been living too much.” I frowned and Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Come.”

“No.”

“Pretty please?”

“No.”

“With a cherry on top?”

“I said no Sirius.” Then I put my hand in the bucket and flicked some water at him.

He laughed, “You’ve messed with the wrong person.” He dropped his brush and dipped his both hands in. Sirius grinned as he flicked the water in my face. “Sirius Black doesn’t take anything lying down.” Sirius stuck his tongue out at me. “You’re going to regret that O’Neill.”

“Bring it Black.”

Cue the water fight. Suddenly this detention wasn’t that bad.

“My eye!” Sirius yelled in the middle of the fight. I stopped flicking water at him immediately. “Sirius are you okay?” I asked worriedly.

“Got you!” He then laughed as he picked up the bucket and chucked the water at me. He got me right in the chest. Obviously because I have the reflexes of a pensioner. Good job I layered today or Sirius would have seen my bra. “I can’t believe you fell for that. Gullible.” He looked at me. “I win. You’re soaked.”

“No.” I pouted, “I win."

“With that face.” Sirius shook his head, “How can I not give in?”

“Easy.” I poked him in the forehead. “You can’t.”

Sirius looked away and focused his attention on the floor. “You’re right.” The air seemed to suddenly put on a couple of hundred pounds. It was the awkwardness you get when you talk about something that nobody talks about. Something’s are supposed to remain behind closed doors. I looked at Sirius and I was attacked by a feeling on emptiness that ran for miles. It was like in one moment, Sirius could go from my friend to a stranger. I shivered and Sirius stepped closer to me. “Are you cold?”

“Nope.” I replied, a little too quickly.

“Oh.” Sirius stepped away from me, deflated.

The air was still clouded with awkwardness.

I had to do something. Do i know a joke? Nope. Can I tell a story? Yes. I can! I will have to tell a story to fill this awful silence.

“My dad couldn’t say no to me either.” I stopped. I opened by mouth several times but the words just wouldn’t come out. I missed them. It hurt. Lately I had been too preoccupied with my own life and I hadn’t spared a thought for them.

“Nellie.” Sirius whispered as he wrapped me in a hug. I didn’t know why he did it but I was grateful. “What’s a matter?”

“I miss them.”

“Nellie. Your parents are fine.” His voice was firm. “Once the holidays come, you can visit them or something. Don’t worry about them.”

“But I haven’t written since Christmas.” I told him, hoping he wouldn’t judge me. “They’ve probably think I’ve forgotten about them.”

“Never.” Sirius smiled at me. “They understand. They were teenagers too before they decided to unleash you onto the world.” He joked.

“I suppose.” I chuckled a little as breathed in his scent. “Sirius, why is life so complicated? Why can’t it be simple?”

“Because people and situations will never allow that. Nothing’s simple Nellie.” He looked down at me. Such pretty cement colour eyes.

“What about when we were little?”

“It wasn’t simple then either. We just didn’t understand half as much.”

“I don’t want to grow up.” I told him truthfully “It’s too scary and as you can probably tell, I‘m not ready.” I didn't want to leave Hogwarts. The world is scary; I can't deal with that much. I'd miss the people I had met here. I wouldn't wake up everyday to Lily and Izzie's sleeping near me. Life is too hard. I would miss seeing Sirius everyday, i was scared that we would leave and I'd never seen him again, because that would be the easier option for him.

“I don’t think many people do. Anyway, Nellie, we’ve got until July until they kick us out of this place and it’s January. We’ve got ages yet.” Sirius yawned. "So don't worry about it yet."

“I suppose.”

“Plus, maybe the world might not be as bad as we think. It will be different, but things are changing all the time.” He seemed happy.

“You’re looking forward to it aren’t you?”

“I guess, Hogwarts is nice and all. It’s my home but the world offers so much more.”

“Aren’t you scared?”

“The scariest things are always the best.” Sirius laughed, “Anyway. We shouldn’t be having this conversation until our last day here. It’ll be so nostalgic.” He laughed.

“Yes. I’ll complain about getting wrinkles, because I’ll be almost eighteen and maybe I’ll cry.”

“No Nellie. That is the chat we’ll have when we’re all turning forty. You don’t get wrinkles at eighteen.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“You’re oh so clever Sirius.” I told him.

“Do I sense that someone is being a little sarcastic?”

“How did you ever realize?”

"There it is again!” Sirius mocked me. “Someone isn’t being so nice today! You’re mean.”

“What can I say? It’s my friends. They are awful influences on me.”

“Yeah.” Sirius agreed, “That Isabel!”

“I’ll tell her you said that you know.” I teased.

Sirius made a frightened face, he was mocking me again, “Please don’t. I’m don’t fancy all the pain she brings.” He grinned at me. “So let’s keep this a secret. Pretty please?” He pouted. “If you cared you would.” He joked.

That comment shook me for a moment, but I tried to play it off. “I suppose so. It gives me a weapon to blackmail you in the future.”

Sirius glared at me. “Don’t say that Nellie.” He stepped away from me as If I had offended him.

“Sirius, it was joke.”

“Blackmail isn’t nice. It’s an awful thing to joke about.” Sirius snapped at me.

“I’m sorry Sirius.”

“It’s fine.” Sirius replied. “Just forget this ever happened. Okay?”

“Okay?”

“Good.”

But I couldn’t forget just like that. The question burned my lips and it came spiraling out. I couldn't help it, I had to know. “Why did you get like that Sirius?”

“It’s not nice. It makes people do some awful things.” Sirius responded. His voice was hollow. “Regulus would have never become a Death Eater if my parents didn’t emotionally blackmail him, promising him love that they didn’t know how to give.” Sirius clenched his fist, angrily. “I just don’t like to joke about things like that.” He fist loosened.

“I understand Sirius.” I told him soothingly. “And I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He gave me a weak smile to show that everything was okay between us.

But it wasn’t.

Not really.

“Shall we go? It’s late and everything looks pretty clean.” Sirius frowned. “I’m tired.”

“Okay.” I agreed. I didn’t have any energy for any more arguments.

“You know Nellie.” Sirius said as he swung his arm over my shoulder as we walked back to the common room together. “You’re quite good in a water fight. Trained much?”

“I spent summers with Izzie; it’s either get good or die. I chose the former rather than the latter.” I grinned and Sirius chuckled.

At that moment, things between me and Sirius seemed to be okay. We had silently chosen not to bring up Sarah or Lucas because that’s when we fell apart. Our relationship had been put back together, clumsily because not one of us knew what we were doing. It would crumble eventually and whatever it left in its wake was what we had to deal with. I had often thought about what our relationship was like before it shattered, it was simple. The shards that had been left behind were not. They were sharp, out for blood and tears which I was all too miserable to give.

Still though, we had made it through and that is what mattered.

Oh and cake, but that matters on an entirely different level.

It’s more of a matter of the stomach.

“Sirius” He looked at me, “What is your favourite cake?” I asked him.

“Erm.” Sirius thought about it. “Fruit cake?”

“Fruit should not belong in cake!” I announced. It was something I believed in. Fruit in cake is a big no-no. It’s healthy. Well, sort of healthy. “It’s just a clever way of making people eat more fruit.”

“But it’s nice.”

“Chocolate all the way!”

“You would say that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Nothing.” Sirius laughed at me.

“Stop laughing at me!”

Sirius turned to me, “No thank you. I rather enjoy-” Sirius was cut off by his face slamming into a pillar.

That’s when the roles were reversed and I was laughing at him.

“I’m blind!” Sirius cried out as I laughed at him. “At least give me some sympathy.” He yelled pathetically at me.

“Why?” I asked, “Did it hurt?”

“No.” Sirius replied automatically. “Why would you think that?”

“Because of your howling cries of anguish.” I pointed out.

Sirius shook his head, “I wasn’t howling.” He argued, “Just a moment of confusion.”

“You make no sense.” We were now outside the common room. “Thestrals.” I told the Fat Lady the password. She opened, but not before she told us off for waking her up.

“Coming from you.” Sirius huffed, “Bye Nellie.” He went out of sight as he walked up the staircase towards his dormitory. “I think I’ve broken my face.” He cursed.

“Sirius.” I yelled, “I can still hear you.”

“You didn’t hear a thing Nellie.” Sirius yelled, sweetly. “You’re going mad. Good night.” He chuckled beautifully until I couldn't hear the sound of his footsteps anymore.

Sweet dreams, Sirius.