The Life and Death of Girl Unknown (UNDER REVISION AND EDITING)

Chapter 32: Where Did Jesus Go?

Chapter 32: Where Did Jesus Go?

Beep....beep....beep....beep!

Went the monitor in the curtained off space in the E.R.. Annoying but it gave me a sense of relief. It wasn't my heartbeat, I didn't care if my heart was beating. It was Beau's little heart that was making the machine beep loudly.

I lay reclined in the gurney with an IV line pumping fluids and painkillers into me to help relieve the Braxton Hicks contractions. I could hear the buzzing of the Emergency Room on the other side of the curtain. Clay watched on the boys while Tara, Jax and Gemma were here with me. We've been here for the entire afternoon and long into the evening. The Doctors didn't want to release me from the hospital until the false labor was finished and they knew for sure that Beau was out of harm's way.

Gemma sat in the copper color chair beside my bed, she brushed the hair from my face and laid it behind my ear lazily. My eyes were heavy and my mind was hazed from the painkillers.

"Hopefully she doesn't have the family flaw. You did good with the other too." She made an attempt to encourage me. I didn't say anything. I was in a great amount of discomfort and I was falling apart at the seams. My mind replayed the words Jax told me at the baby shower earlier. I am never going to be Mrs Ortiz. That breaks my heart and swallows my soul up into a pit of dark depression.

"Ms Sullivan?" A sweet voice called out after the sound of the curtain shifting slightly. My heavy eyes moved over too see the red haired nurse with pretty brown eyes. I nod solemnly. She slipped between the curtains with a bouquet of colorful flowers and a little brown teddy bear in her hands. She smiled sweetly at me and handed me the bouquet. My eyebrows narrowed confusedly but a weak smile fell on my face when I read the card:

"To Maria and Beau, get well soon. SAMCRO." I mumbled hazily. The nurse took the bouquet from me and set them in a jug of cool water at my bedside then handed me the bear. It had a card on it too. It felt awkward for them to have bought me two things that had a get well soon card in it. But without hesitation I flipped the card open to see familiar hand writing. My stomach dropped and my heart pinged around my chest like a rocket. I didn't read this one out loud for everyone to hear.

Maria, you need take better care of yourself and the baby.

It wasn't the handwriting that caught my attention but the words written on the card. It reminded me of something Juice said to me when I found out I was pregnant with Percy.

I finished doing my makeup before going out into the main room and slid my shoes on. My wallet was in my jacket so I snagged $20 from it before throwing on a hoodie. I peeked into the living room where Juice was sitting on the lounge chair with a laptop on the small table in front of him.

"I'm going to the shop, I'll be right back." I said to and got an 'okay!' back. Juice didn't even look up from his work as I walked out of the trailer. It was overcast and slightly chilly outside but not cold enough for a jacket, anyways the shop is only around the corner. Although if it started raining, I'd be screwed.

I walked down the path, leading to the sidewalk quickly and quietly; the only sound was my shoes hitting the floor at a quick pace.

Oh God I can't imagine living life like this. Knowing that leaving is an option I can't handle it all. My mom left, well actually he was arrested. But she still left. I'm a lot like her; so what if I leave? What if I can't deal with all of this and I just get up one day and leave? I'm only eighteen years old; I want to live life a little bit first. I want to do so much; I have so many things planned for the next year it's packed with things. Not just with the School but with other things too. But I can't do all of that when I'm pregnant because it's not healthy for either of us. SAMCRO is Juice's life. And Jax will murder Juice, or me if he finds out how irresponsible we have been.

There were a few familiar faces at the shop which made me nervous as I wound my way up and down the aisles until I came across the feminine products. There sat on a shelf at eye level was a pink box with home pregnancy test written on it. Having to stand here made my heart ram against my chest like a speeding train. It was scary to see that cute little blue eyed baby sitting in a diaper on the front of the box with a picture of the test itself under the bright blue font. I never thought I'd be here so early in life; I've done so many things wrong these past few weeks. I'm surprised that if I am pregnant that I'm still pregnant with all the things that have been happening these last couple days. I mean honestly, if I hadn't miscarried yet then this child is a fucking trooper. Go baby!

I swallowed down hard, with shaky hands I scooped up two boxes that were two pound fifty each so I have enough. I took the two boxes to the counter; my hood was up so no one would see me or recognize me. Lindsey, the till operator stood with a casual smile.

"Hiya toots. How're you taday?" She asked, snapping her gum as she scanned the items.

"I'm fine. Can I get those in a bag please?" Lindsey didn't question me why I was buying these tests or why I didn't want anyone to know I was buying these tests. She just put the two boxes in the opaque plastic bag. I handed her the five pound bill and took off, not wanting to spend much time chit chatting about my day. I quickly slipped my way back to the trailer. I didn't want to fall in case I was, y'know; with child. I didn't want to hurt him or her. I kept the bag closely hidden to my side as I marched my way back up the path to the house. Juice was still in the living room with his nose still in the laptop.

"I'm back!" I said ambivalently, hanging up my hoodie. I heard an 'okay!' which meant that he was still hard at work. I slipped my shoes off and skidded into the bathroom quickly, closing the door. I didn't bother locking it because neither of the guys will coming to the bathroom any time soon. I frantically tossed the bag onto the counter and pulled out one box. I skimmed the back, reading at light speed. Basically what it said was pee on the stick and then waits a couple minutes for an answer. Why they make the directions so long is a mystery to me.

I opened the box and pulled the test out. It didn't look too hard to do. I mean how hard can peeing on a stick be? It's so simple, it's frustrating. I pulled down my jeans and did my business. Okay so maybe peeing on a stick was rocket science, I mean it never crossed my mind that I should've worn rubber gloves because of the fucking back splash. I did both tests then pulled up my jeans and washed my hands before touching anything.

My stomach twisted tightly when the three minutes were up and the results magically appeared on the stick. It was like watching your entire life crash in to tree so slowly and there is nothing you can do about it.

I held it in my hands as I walked out of the bathroom in utter shock. Was he going to feel I purposely let this happen? Was he going to feel trapped? I mean I know I had an abortion a couple months ago and he doesn't know but that wasn't his kid. This child that is growing inside of me now is his and I'd feel horrible for terminating this pregnancy.

I worriedly cleared my throat, Juice propped his head up and looked at me with glee in his eyes. I was scared that he was about to hate me forever. My heart rammed against my chest painfully. I wasn't even sure how the words 'I'm pregnant' slipped out of my mouth but Juice stopped what he was doing and stood up. He looked concerned but concern was washed away by a small beaming smile. He cupped my face gingerly and planted a kiss on my forehead. I stared up into his eclipse brown eyes with a stunned sense of relief from untainted horror.

"You're going to need to take better care of yourself and the baby."