The Life and Death of Girl Unknown (UNDER REVISION AND EDITING)

Chapter 16: Heaven Knows.

Chapter 16: Heaven Knows.

The phone rang in the far distance of my mind; I scrunched my nose and tried to block it out or make myself believe that it was apart of my dream. I didn't have the energy to move from the bed, I haven't had the energy to do much lately. Its been almost a month since they took Percy and every day I wake up to that knowing. The knowing that he may be face down in a ditch somewhere. The Feds haven't left even though they caught Tommy Walker's murder, when the asked him where Percy was he had no idea who they were talking about. He passed a lie detector and everything.

I had no choice but to wake up when I left the hot lava running up from the pits of a volcano within me. I swept the duvet off of me and bolted into the bathroom where I barely made it before the stomach acid mixed with a bite of toast and some tea splashed into the bowl with a wretched heave. Tears formed in my eyes as the heat of the lava whirled up my nostrils from the back of my mouth and began to pound inside my head. Heave after heave of vomit filled the toilet bowl until I was heaving nothing but ghastly hot air.

I hadn't realized that Juice was standing behind me, clumping my hair into his hands gently. I cranned my body over so I was facing him. He wore a concerned look on his paled face. I couldn't see much through my blurry eyes but I could see that. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Its just a side effect of the medication." I assured him in a dry and raspy voice. But it didn't make sense to me, I've taken these kinds of antidepressants before and I never had nausea or vomiting.

Juice sighed and helped me to my feet, his hand rested flat on my stomach while his arm was tied around me. I hated that he was feeling the extra weight that I've gained again. I brushed his hand away from the extra weight I haven't worked off yet from Daylon's birth.

"You need to shower, Maria." Juice told me sternly. I sighed softly and nodded in agreement. Juice whisked over to the glass stall and turned the shower on while I slowly stripped off my clothes and piled them at my feet; I kept remembering the night Juice came home in a state like this. He went for a shower where I comforted him. Oh how the roles have changed.

I tried to hide the no longer flat tummy by crossing my arms over it. I staggered into the stall and let the hot water pound onto me. I heard Juice say something to me but I didn't hear what. Then he left the room. I ducked my head down between my shoulders, letting the hot water fall down the sides of my head and string down the length of my dirty blonde hair. I stared down at my feet, my toenails were painted a midnight blue colour. I could see the steam begin to fog up the glass. For the first time in a long time I felt something emotionally. I could feel it bubble up from the pit of my stomach. The feeling was so overwhelming I collapsed to the tiled floor where I began to feel all of the emotions that I've neglected to feel. But overall I felt desperate. I was desperate to regain the missing piece of my family and I was willing to go to extreme lengths to get that back.

I didn't react when the the stall door opened and Juice collapsed to the floor beside me, his arms wrapped around me tightly and he pulled me into his chest. My wet hair clung to his clothes like glue. I couldn't do anything but bare those overwhelming emotions; I had to ride out the storm.

My head propped up off of his chest when I heard the words he spoke.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much in love you. So please don't take my sunshine away." He sang me that song, the one I sang him when it was him on the bathroom floor being the victim to his emotions.

He helped me off of the floor, and shut off the water while I wrapped a large burgandy towel around myself. We both went to our bedroom where Daylon was in his swing happily snoozing the morning away. I sat at the foot of the bed while he gathered up some clean clothes and set them beside me. My eyebrows knitted together seriously as I looked up at him.

"You never did tell me why you attempted suicide." I reminded him that he still has to tell me his reasoning. His dark eyes were rimmed with evidence of sleepless nights. He heaved a sigh as he sat down to my right.

"I've done some really terrible things that I'm sure you'll find out soon enough and I know that I'm going to die because of them, but I want to die peacefully and if I get killed it won't be peaceful." He admitted to me, clasping his hands together and bringing them up to his mouth where the knuckles sat on his Cupid's bow. I understand where he's coming from; I've never attempted suicide but I know what its like to want to die peacefully. But I've also learned how to die peacefully.

"Dying peaceful has no relations to how you go, weather its suicide, murder or accidentally; dying peaceful has to do with how you see yourself and others when you go, its about forgiving those who've wronged you." I taught him the truth of peacefulness. He turned his head to me and shared a weak smile with tears in his eyes.

"I'm a bad man, whose done bad things." I shook my head at him and bit my fleshly bottom lip, dragging my teeth across it gently.

"No, you're not. You're a good man whose done bad things to bad people for good reasons." I reminded him point blank that he was wrong about himself. Juice's eyebrow cocked upward slightly and a frown pinched at the corners of his mouth.

"What does that make me?" He asked curiously. I smiled at him and caressed the side of his face gently.

"Human." I replied softly, staring deep into those coffee bean colored eyes that I could get lost in. There is a haunting serenity about them, like an old abandoned house and you're the only person living there but you can feel the history dancing around you like ghosts from the past.

What happened after that left me in a whirlwind of confusion. The front door was kicked open, it slammed against the wall behind it and then a large group of people yelling came flooding into the house. Daylon woke up and started screaming through fear. Men wearing navy blue uniforms with the bold yellow letters FBI came into the bedroom pointing guns at Juice while I slipped off the end of the bed, although I think Juice pushed me to get me out of the way. I swooped Daylon out of his swing and cradled him, watching in horror as they forced Juice to face down on the bed so they could handcuff him.

"Juan Carlos Ortiz, you're under arrest for the kidnapping of your son Percy Dakota Ortiz." Someone said loudly as everyone fled the bedroom, an officer restrained me so I was unable to go after anyone physically. I'm sure my face read confusion and betrayal as I followed behind them like a lost puppy.

"Juice, what's going on? Why are you being accused of kidnapping Percy?" I spoke over the man who was reading Juice his rights. Juice didn't say anything, he only walked with them with his head looking ahead where the number of police cars and a SWAT van was parked on the street. Jax and Chibbs were sitting on their bikes in front of the house next door.

"Ma'ma if you could please get dressed we'll take you to the police station to fill you in. Is there any family or friends who can watch the baby?" An officer asked, keeping me from leaving the house in nothing but a towel.

"I'll watch him." Jax said strolling up the path to the front steps, he took Daylon from me and nestled the baby into the black jacket henwore under his vest. The officer furrowed his eyebrows curiously.

"And you are?" He drew the question out a bit.

"He's my cousin." I replied shortly, blankly staring at Juice as he was put into the backseat of the cruiser. His eyes met mine briefly and I then knew what he meant by what he said: "I've done some really terrible things that I'm sure you'll find out soon enough and I know that I'm going to die because of them, but I want to die peacefully and if I get killed it won't be peaceful." I didn't want to believe it, I didn't want to believe that Juice would kidnap his own son but there are signs that point to that, alot of signs.