The Life and Death of Girl Unknown (UNDER REVISION AND EDITING)

Chapter 15: From the Other Side.

Chapter 15: From the Other Side.

"Maria, I can't risk losing you." Juice piped up as he came over to me, his hands cupped either side of my face. I swatted them away which caused Gemma to look wide eyed at us, she didn't know what happened almost two weeks ago, nor will she. I narrowed my gaze at him and pursed my lips tightly.

"We need to talk, privately." I told him flatly before leading him into one of the spare bedrooms of the clubhouse. Somewhere where no one could hear us unless they were in the room. Bobby was watching on Daylon happily. I almost slammed the door and locked it after Juice came in after me. Juice was confused now, all signs of worry we're ridden from his face.

"So you can't risk losing me?" I asked, repeating his statement in a harsh tone of voice. Juice hesitantly nodded at me.

"You are the one to fucking talk considering I nearly lost you; hell I nearly lose you every time you go out on a ride." I snapped at him. I was done trying to hold back everything. He brought this on himself. Hurt ran over his facial features as emotional tears glassed his eyes.

"Maria, please don't." He whimpered a pathetic plead. I scrunched my nose and shook my head t him.

"Don't what? Don't make you face the truth. Well guess what; the truth is I poured my heart, soul and life into you and you go and try to kill yourself when there is a better road that you can take."

"What road?!" Juice snapped at me in a bellowing shout that made me flinch and step back until my back was against the door. I regained my composure and stepped forward.

"Talking to me. You want me to be your wife but you don't have the balls to come and talk to me. Do you think I'm going to judge you based off of what you've seen or done?" I asked him coldly. I wanted to know the truth, the entire truth. Juice stepped forward a bit and stared down at me. He was 5'11" while I stood at 5'8" so there was a gap between our eye levels.

"I don't talk to you about things because there is an innocence in you that I'm afraid I'll kill. That innocence is the beauty that shines behind your eyes and if I kill it, I'll never forgive myself." Juice's words were hypnotizing but it didn't distract me from what the concept was.

"I don't have innocence, Juice. But our sons do and we need to protect that so I need you to sweep all of the bullshit that's not our family under the rug." I said to him softly, gently placing my hands on either side of his face. I felt the stubble under my skin, his skin was running hot and clammy. I saw in his eyes that he was beginning to be okay again. He nodded at me with a small frown. I smiled softly and brought my face up to his before pecking his lips gently. I felt his arms snake around me when he kissed my lips again. I pulled away from him and rested my head on his shoulder gingerly while he stroked the length of my hair.

~Juice~

Maria, oh how she tries to keep me in one piece, but the truth is I've been broken for a long time; it's only now that she's seeing the cracks. I've damaged this club far beyond repair, I've damaged Maria far beyond repair. There are things that I've done for the sake of my family that'll most likely get me killed. I know that for sure. Maria sees the beauty in me, she sees the innocence of the child I once was; but I know she now sees a growing darkness, like a swarm of flies too thick to see through. She's trying to make them scatter, she's the only one who can make them scatter. It's true, what I said to her, about the innocence behind her eyes burning so brightly. She still has that light but it's been dulled since I met her. There are times where I think maybe I should've left her where she was. Like a flower it is beautiful but once you pick it, it dies. She's my sunflower and I picked her; she's lasted longer than most while maintaining her bright innocence. But I can see it dying in her eyes. And that kills me.

I stood in the doorway, observing Maria as she fed the small child his lunch. She leaned against the headboard with a pillow under Daylon to support his weight. She stroked his dark hair and hummed a nursery rhyme to him. Her round blue eyes never left him, it was as if she was afraid if she took her eyes off of him he'd disappear like Percy.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that I knew who has our son. I knew the gang who took Percy because I've had run ins with them in Queens that's caused them to, in kinder terms, want my head on a silver platter. They've never travelled this far away from New York before which worries me. Did they come to California specifically for me? After all of this time do they still hold a grudge towards me?

"You know you can come in, right?" Maria smiled at me, instantly all of the thick fog of flies scattered from my mind temporarily. I forced a weak smile and nodded. I swaggered into the bedroom and sat on the other side of the bed with my back against the headboard. I couldn't help but stare at Daylon, his big brown eyes looked up at me from under the girly dark eyelashes. He looked at me like I was his protecter and the saviour of this family when really, it was his mother who did that. I couldn't believe I was about ready to throw in the towel and miss out on their lives. Because of what? Because I was trying to do the right thing and protect my family. I invited Jimmy here to try and coax Maria into going home with him with the boys. I realized after Daylon was born that this isn't the life for them. Every time I show my face in public I'm putting my family in danger; I can't live with myself if anything happened. And now something did. And why? Because of me. Because I told Jimmy to get Maria to go back to Huntington with him at all costs and now Maria and I are paying the price.

"I'm sorry." Maria's voice was small and innocent; almost childish. My gaze moved from Daylon to her, my dark eyes met her bright beautiful blues that I know she got from her father. My eyebrows knitted together curiously.

"For what?" I asked harmlessly. I watched as her bright blue eyes dimmed into a midnight shade that paled her complexion to a shade of death or dying. It made my stomach clench painfully and my heart froze into an icy grasp. Her eyes never left mine, it was like she was peering into my very soul.

"I'm sorry for getting upset with you, I know you've been going through a lot these past few weeks and I had no right getting mad at you like I did." Maria said softly, her voice was soothing against my ears but what she said tore me apart inside. She had every right to get made with me and my stubbornness. She's right I need to grow a pair of balls and talk to her. If I want to move forward in this relationship then I need to come out of my shell a little more. I need to show Maria that I trust her, but at the same time I can't destroy any shred of her happiness and innocence. I can't do that to her; I love her too much. She's the mother of my boys and that mothering instinct may be flushed away if I tell her the truth.

"You had every right to get mad at me for being so closeted. I didn't realize that my actions impacted you that much. I'm sorry for hurting you the way I have." I apologized to her empathetically, my voice was horse and raspy. Maria placed her free hand in mine and tied her long fingers around mine, letting me wrap mine around hers. That made butterflies flutter in my stomach. I sighed and stared at her left hand ring finger admiring the possibilities of our future.

"You want to know why I want a daughter." I mumbled kowly , finally deciding to open up a bit more. Instead if reacting to me, she looked at me with wondrous eyes.

"I want a daughter because my dad wasn't there for my sister and I, and my sister didn't turn out so good. She got into the same kind of trouble I have. I want a daughter so I can be there for her, so I can protect her and cheer her on. I want to be the dad at the ballet recital in the front row with the stupid smile, giving her thumbs up. I want her to grow up knowing daddy is never going to stop loving her." I admitted honestly. Maria's peacock blue eyes were wide but they smiled brightly. I was taken back when she planted a kiss on my lips, I could feel the smile curling at her lips while they were pressed to mine. When she pulled away from me there was a shaky smile twisting at the corner of her mouth.

"Now was that so hard?" She questioned cheekily. As badly as I wanted to tell her that I was ready to tell her every deep dark secret, I couldn't. I couldn't clean out the deepest corners of my soul; there were things that were too dark about me that if I told anybody it would leave me too vulnerable for my liking.

"I suppose not." I told her trying to make her believe that I was being 100% honest with her even though I wasn't and that killed me.