The Life and Death of Girl Unknown (UNDER REVISION AND EDITING)

Chapter 45: Bread and Wine.

I've done everything in my power to protect you boys from the club. I have faith that your sister will steer clear, but you boys, Percy and Daylon, you're destined to be a part of this. Daylon maybe you'll grow to see the hate and ugliness of the club but not you Percy. Over the last year I've seen darkness grow inside your eyes, Percy. They're no longer big and round and full of life; they're now cold and distant, and an anger that makes them full of lust for violence. I understand that you're angry and confused, believe me I know you are but I can't sit by and allow my sons become a part of the very thing that destroyed this family.

In a few years you'll start doing things to earn good graces from the President, earn a spot as a Prospect by the time you're eighteen. You'll want to grow up as fast as possible. I've been there. I wanted to grow up as fast as I could, and I did everything in my power to make that happen. But what I didn't know then that I know now is growing up means you have to be able to handle your own. Growing up means exactly that, growing up. Growing up means you have to clean up your own messes. It means when you fall down you have to get yourself back up and brush yourself off. Your dad and I aren't going to be there to hold your hand. Growing up means you don't bring people you love into shit because you can't get a handle on your life. You either handle it or get handled. It's harsh but it's the reality of this life. Being a part of the Sons of Anarchy might seem like an achievable dream just within arm's reach but you have no idea what the reality of it is.

I had no idea what that reality was when I first met Jax and Gemma. I had no clue what the reality of being a part of the Sons of Anarchy was until I had no choice but to see it. I wasn't in Charming for more than a month before I was forced to look at the reality I put myself into. I watched someone die at the hands of the club. I watched someone die at the hands of me. I've had to hurt a lot of people in order to protect my family. And I will continue to hurt people who threaten my family. I will always choose my children over anything. Any day.

Before coming to Charming I wouldn't have ever thought about doing the things I have done, I was so sheltered and coddled. I had to grow up fast when I came here. I didn't get a choice. I didn't get to say when I wanted to grow up and stop being a kid; I had no say in anything. That's the life of an old lady.

I had to grow up the most when I watched your dad gun down someone who broke into the house in the middle of the night when Percy was just a baby. That was the first time I saw the harsh reality of what the club does and is capable of doing. There is so much blood on my hands all because I had no idea what the reality of living this lifestyle was like.

Something funny about humanity is, people aren't afraid to look but they're afraid to see. All I ask of you is to see the reality of the club and ask yourself if you'll be able to handle your own. Are you able to handle the reality of the club? If you're not able to handle your shit then don't walk through that door. And if you do go to the club without being able to handle yourself, don't come crying to me when there's blood on your hands. I'll always be there for you, but don't expect me to pick up the pieces.

Juice told me a few of the guys were coming up to help us out but he never said the entire MC was going to come here with moving trucks. They got here yesterday morning. Apparently, they tried knocking but no one answered so they waited outside for Juice to get home from taking Percy to School. That made Juice even more worried about me. He didn't understand why I didn't answer the door. I just told him I had completely zoned out because of the silence. He seemed to have believed that, maybe, not really but whatever. He asked me about it when we went to bed and then never brought it up again.

If Gemma's taught me anything it's if people are going to help you out the least you can do is feed them. But I didn't have enough to feed everyone but they did accept coffee as a payment for that morning but by lunch and then dinner I did have enough beer and food to promptly pay everyone back for all their hard work. They had the entire house packed away in an hour and a half, obviously after visiting with the Daylon and seeing the newest addition to the family all morning. I gave them specific items not to pack, such as tonight's PJ's for the boys and Beau, diapers, wipes and clothes for tomorrow. I didn't have to lift a finger besides to take care of my children.