The Life and Death of Girl Unknown (UNDER REVISION AND EDITING)

Chapter 20: You Are My Sunshine. Part I

Chapter 20: You Are My Sunshine. Part I

When I got home Gemma was making dinner, Percy was sitting at the coffee table doing homework and Daylon was in his basinet cooing at the ceiling. I sighed and set my purse down on the dinner table. Gemma looked at me from across the room with a knowing look in her eyes. It made my stomach knot and my heart to speed up.

"You got a call from your Doctor today, your blood tests came back." She told me in a mothering way that alarmed me. I smacked my lips together and braced myself for something bad.

"And what's the verdict?" I asked curiously with a shaky voice. She sighed and came up to me with a sad expression.

"Its nothing good."

As a child I was surrounded by hate and death. There was no love that I received; I was always the one to give the love. Even at the age of sixteen I was sitting at my Grandmother's bedside with my hand gripping hers so tightly. She held mine tightly too, as if she was hanging on for dear life. Now that I think about it that can be in a metaphorical and a literal sense. I was the only one to sit by her bed and listen to the buzzing anticipation. I remember sitting there, in a chair I've inhabited for three days, reminiscing the past and how I've neglected to deal with death.

When I was four my cat got killed by a dog and I didn't even shed a tear, when I was six my hamster died and I wasn't curious about where he went. At ten I witnessed a woman die in a car accident. By fourteen seven of my close friends had died of various causes. But it wasn't until my Grandmother died when I was sixteen that I finally met death and he bitch slapped me with the past.

Panic was all I felt as I stormed up to the clubhouse in a state of fear and anxiety. My heart was beating in my chest so loudly I could hear it in my ears, it sounded out everything else. Jax was outside with Chibbs, Tig, Bobby, and Happy. It was like he knew I'd be coming here. He did known I was coming here after the news I just heard. I suppose he also knew that in was going to be an emotional mess.

I caught a horrifying glimpse of myself in the window of the chapel, my makeup was running down my face with the tears. Jax approached me to try and comfort me but I pushed him away. I wasn't in the mood to be hushed by him.

"Maria, I'm so sorry." Jax apologized sullenly from under his baseball cap. I had to restrain myself from completely losing it.

"Fucking save it, Jax." I shouted at him loudly. I was angry and hurt, and scared. I just got the news that ruined my life for good. Today was going so well, other than a few minor set backs and bumps in the road but I was finally feeling good about things. I was finally happy then I got the news and that destroyed the little amount of hope I had left.

"I just lost three people today so fucking save me the pity party." I screamed at him at the top of my lungs earning concerned looks from everyone. Gemma came out of the office looking worried for both Jax and I. She knows this won't just stay verbal for long, its bound to get physical.

"Two of which you hated!" Jax yelled back at me angrily. I could almost feel the steam coming out of my ears.

"But nonetheless they were my parents. And I sure as hell didn't hate Juice!" I ended up yelling back at him with an overwhelming amount of emotion. Jax suddenly looked sad that Juice was murdered the same day as both of my parents.

"I don't know if you know this or not but he purposed to me, we were going to get married. But now what?" I choked on the sobs as I gripped my hair and nearly pulled it out. I was facing so many emotions I felt trapped in a tornado of insecurity and doubt.

"Shit." Jax mumbled. "-Maria, I didn't know. I am so sorry." Jax seemed genuinely sad and concerned.

Death is always around us. We just don't know it until we take a closer loom at people's lives, but a lot of us are afraid to do that because we might see ourselves in others. But death is always a few footsteps away. That man you walked behind when we were going to get your favorite cereal, his mom died of cancer last week. That girl who sits at the back of the classroom with her hood up and headphones on, blaring music, her family is about to get word that her brother was killed in Iraq. The old man buying a bottle of wine at the store, his wife has been dead for ten years and its their anniversary so he's buying her favorite wine. How bout the bus driver? Tonight his wife is going to have a still born and that's going to ruin their marriage.

You see, death is always around us even though it doesn't bother us. But when death does personally affect us, we feel so alone. Like we're trapped in a world with no sun.

Juice's body was taken to Charming funeral home the next day, mom and dad were taken back to Huntington where their friends or family would deal with them because I had no interest in dealing with the dead family members, I could barely handle one.

I went by the prison to sign some papers and gather his things. Juice took up writing when he was here, he filled twelve journals in his short three week stay. I took his stuff home. Percy was hidden away in his room and refused to come out ornlet anyone in. I had to call Juice's mom and sister in Queens to tell them. I hope I never have tondo that again. I ruined a woman, I heard her die on the phone. The whaling will forever haunt me. They said they'd be here for the funeral.

The day before Juice's funeral was his court date. Juice was found innocent of all charges while my dad and Mr Green were found guilty of kidnapping Percy. Turns out Huntington Beach was one of the only places in California where the legal consent age was 17.

I sighed and set the box down on the coffee table, Gemma was changing Daylon's diaper and Jax was standing outside Percy's bedroom door trying to coax him into eating something. But Percy resisted.

"So, when are you going to sell the house?" Gemma asked curiously as she held the ever growing boy in her lap. He smiled a gummy smile up at me. I raked my finger through my hair and shrugged.

"I'm not." I replied honestly. We just paid off the last of the mortgage payments and now the house is ours for the next 20 years. I couldn't believe we paid off a house that cost $250,000 in 5 years. And our term is 25 years.

"Shit, your kid is stubborn." Jax cursed emerging from the hall with a dissatisfied look. I pursed my lips and nodded with my hands on there back of my hips.

"He's not stubborn, Jax. He's dealing with losing his father but I don't think he knows how to." I told him casually. Then the idea popped into my head, I picked the box up from the table and proceeded down the hall. I didn't even knock on the door, I just went in. Percy was lying in the middle of his bed with his back to the door and the curtains drawn.

"Percy, I just got home from getting some of dad's stuff. Do you wanna look at it with me?" I asked in a gentle but firm way. Percy sighed then sat up in his bed. His dark brown eyes were ringed with reddness and dark circles, they were swollen from the tears. His Californian tanned skin was pale and flushed. I set the box down on the end of his bed and opened the curtains to let some sunlight into the room. When I turned around I saw Percy was already nosing through the box. I sat down in front of him and pulled out a notebook that had Percy's name engraved on the cover. I smiled and handed Percy the book.

"I think this is meanty for you." I told him sweetly. Gemma and Jax were in the doorway with Daylon. Percy opened the book with a serious expression.

"What does it say?" I asked generally. For the first time in days I saw Percy smile softly as he read whatever his father wrote him.

"Percy, I'm giving this book to you so you can learn from my mistakes. Your mother once told me a very long time ago: We all make mistakes in life. I know I've made more than a lifetime worth of mistakes in my short thrity years of life. But there is a lesson to be learned in mistakes, it is not to repeat them but to acknowledge the ugly truth that rests inside your soul so you can nurture it and care for it like an infant until it's turned into something you're proud of because it is apart of who you are. This book is full of knowledge and wisdom that I've collected over the years so you can make your own mistakes instead of repeating mine. I love you always, dad." Percy had difficulty with some words but he read on like the trooper he was. Even though I was sitting there realizing he has been reading what I've been writing. That's something I wrote about in the first chapter. I couldn't help but get teary eyed when Percy smiled at the book as if the words came right out of Juice's mouth.

There is truth hidden in pain. That truth may reveal who you really are or what you've feared most. It doesn't matter what that truth is because you'll always see it sooner or later.

Here's the link to a video that goes with this chapter: http://youtu.be/yPbU8Jr1L00