More Than Just A Kick

Chapter 34

Moving On

The loud smash from the flower vase makes Marsan and Dad stop their conversation and goes out of the room. I step back, naituon ko ang kamay ko sa mesa ng vase na hindi ko alam na may bubog pa. Hurt is writhing from my right hand, napangiwi ako sa sakit. Buti na lang I wear my slippers kaya hindi ako nakatapak ng mga bubog.

He walks to me and he carefully takes my hand from the table. Dad is eyeing the both of us but he's not saying anything making me so uncomfortable.

"Are you okay, Iyah? You hurt your hands." Sambit niya habang tinitigan ang kamay, he's checking it thoroughly. Awkwardness is spreading in our thin air. Tinapik ni Dad si Marsan then he walks out of the hallway. I sigh and binawi ko nang marahas ang kamay ko mula sa pagkakahawak niya.

"Don't touch me." Singhal ko sa kanya. Nanlaki ang singkit niyang mga mata.

Nilampasan ko siya at hindi ako nagdalawang isip na umakyat ng room ko at nagkulong doon. After a while, sunod sunod na katok ang narinig ko. But I do not dare open it for him.

"Iyah!" Kaya naman ang boses niya ay galit na galit na para bang kulog. I do not answer him. Instead, I am lying on the bed, too lazy to get up. Just staring at the ceiling at walang balak gawin para sa kamay ko.

"Iyah!" Mas galit na siya at sa pagkatok niya ay para bang sisirain niya na ang pinto ko.

His words earlier come through me like a flood. Je suis desole, Sir, but for me I only saw Iyah as my sister.

Tears streaming down my face again. Mas masakit pa ang puso ko kaysa sa sugatan kong kamay.

I hate him for treating me like a sister. He only see me as that nothing more. I'm not his sister and I don't see him as my brother. I see him as my future man. Moreover, I hate myself for seeing him as a handsome man.

"Why are you crying?" His voice makes me get up from my bed. He came from the windows again, just like before.

I am not giving him an answer, sa halip ay humiga ako patalikod sa kanya at nagtalukbong ng blanket ko. Umupo siya sa higaan ko which makes me tense. Napalingon ako kaya I see his face, it's serious and he's mad at me. Why? Sapilitan niyang kinuha ang blanket ko at hinila ako sa kanya. Tuloy, we're hugging each other but no touches involve.

I glare at him.

"Tell me. Does your wound hurt?" He takes my hand again and caress it. It makes me emotional, yet again.

"So much." I answer and start to sob. It's so hard to believe, I'm crying in front of the man who's hurting me so bad. Completely, miserable in his eyes.

"So much that it's killing me." I whispher between my sobs. He hugs me tightly, nakapulupot ang isang kamay niya sa likod ko. I am not hugging him back cause I know he's just hugging me as his sibling.

Minutes has passed and he still not letting go of me but I'm done from crying quietly.

"Let me clean your hand, now."

He takes my fragile hand with care, cleans my wound with a betadine and takes the bubog part off of my hand and after that he cautiously wrap it with the bandage from the first aid kit he brought.

"There." He says after he finished it. He brings my hand to his mouth and kiss it. I am beyond shock from what he did. Ang mamasamasa kong pisngi galing sa pag-iyak ay nararamdaman kong nag-init dahil sa ginawa niya.

"Don't hurt yourself again. I hate it when you're hurt, you make me worry about you so damn much." He says while looking at me intently.

"Okay. I won't. La-labas ka na ng room ko, please."

I continue on avoiding him. Kaya naman hindi ako bumaba para magdinner at nagpaakyat na lang ng food ko. Pero laking gulat ko nang makita siya ang may akyat ng pagkain ko.

"Why didn't you eat sa baba?" He asks. "Sabi ni Yaya Sali dito ka pa kakain."

"That's my choice at bakit ikaw pa ang nagdala?"

"You're making me worry again."

"It's nothing serious, I just want my solitude." I answer him while avoiding his gaze. Oh, his intense gaze.

"An introvert like us will say that but I know you. You must have a reason for this."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Must be because of him, huh?"

"Pardon?"

"Here." Inabot niya sa akin ang pagkain ko. "I'll watch you eat." He says as he sit on the couch in the corner of my room.

Hindi pa siya tumatagal sa pagkakaupo  sa couch ko ay napatayo na siya nang mag-ring ang cellphone niya. Must be his girlfriend. I sigh, tinitigan ko lang ang pagkain sa harapan ko at walang gana para rito. He's so manhid, at masyado ko namang pinapahirapan ang sarili ko.

I stand up and walk to the door to double lock it and walk towards my windows and lock it all.

I search through my desktop. How to move on from your one-sided love?

1. Do not label him as your happiness. Find your own happiness, it must be a person, a hobby, a thing or something but it must not be him. For it will just hurt if he still makes you happy but he doesn't love you the way you do.

He is without a doubt my happiness before. Now, he's the main source of my pain. I'm still trying to find him as my happiness, wishing if I could turn back the time when I am happy whenever I saw him but I know I can't.

Well, maybe I should just focus on training. Ilalaan ko ang oras ko para sa taekwondo and I'll sure it will make me happy.

2. Avoid him as much as you can. If you see him in the hallway, you must not walk pass him instead turn away or something. If he talks to you, don't talk to him unless it's necessary. By not seeing him and not talking to him, it will make you move on from him as fast as possible.

It is impossible for me to avoid but I must. I'll do everything to avoid him.

3. Do not think of him. Busy yourself with the other things. Find a good hobby that will make you happy.

Bukas na bukas rin ay sisimulan ko na ang hindi siya isipin. Yon nga ay magfofocus ako sa Taekwondo at dodoblehin ko pa ang focus ko sa studies ko.

4. Allow yourself to be sad over him. Cry all you want until there's no more tears for him. It's allowing yourself to grieve then eventually and hopefully move on.

I'm crying and still crying.

5. Avoid media that has something to say about love. Avoid songs, lovestories, movies, tv series and any other media that incorporate love. It will just influence you to turn your feelings and love to more of a strong energy and will make you sad because you did not achieve the happy love life the media portrays.

Yeah right. Itatago ko ang mga books ko about love, magbubura rin ako ng songs sa music app ko at lahat ng kinalaman doon ay hindi ko pagtutuunan ng pansin.

6. Know the reason why he doesn't like you back. That will be the key and closure to your feelings, it will be hurtful but you will know the reason why. Not knowing it, will only make you more curious and you will just overthink about what-if-he-like-me-and-what-if-he-doesn't question.

I know that clearly. For sure I will not overthink of it anymore and hopefully and successfully move on from this tragedy.

YongRine