White Wall

26: Waterfalls

Waterfalls
JUV'S POV.

White? For me it means positivity, cleanliness, serenity, purity, and good side. Well, of course there are downs of white, it can be as equal of plain, just vain. Boring color and the most useless color of crayon, it can also reffered to an invisible. White Crayon is useless. Remind me to search what are the uses of this crayon.

Well, I don't promote racism here.

In negative effect, white is black. Black is white. They are one. They are fairly equal. If for example, day is for white and night is for black. Day and night both reigns in the Earth.

What I'm saying is, Hallyx, giving me white crayon is not necessary reflect that I am useless. But... I should ask her.

"Free cut 'di ba?" tanong niya.

Tumango naman ako at inalalayan siyang bumangon mula sa clinic bed.

Nakatingin  pa rin ako sa white crayon na regalo niya sa akin.

"Bakit?" tanong niya. Ramdam ko ang panghihina sa boses niya at hindi ako sigurado pero parang may lungkot rin d'on sa boses niya.  "Ayaw mo ba? Porket---"

I cutted her off.

"No, " sabi ko. "If this is blue or yellow, I would be very happy because it came from you, but this is white crayon. It low-key slapped me that I am useless, " I said with laugh.

Sadness rumbles on my chest. It totally wrecked my heart.

"Alam mo," panimula niya, "may nabasa ako, happiness is a choice raw. Kung ako sa'yo magiging masaya ako. Hanapin mo kasi ang meaning talaga bago ipasok ang sarili mo sa kadramahan," aniya.

Nakatitig lang ako sa maputla niyang mukha.

"Okay, white crayon, for me, this means white wall."

Nakita ko siyang nag-isip-isip pa.

"P'ede na 'yon."

I spent my time with her in clinic, talking about something, like books, coffee, colors and then our topic plummeted to that  ball night happened but she immediately change the topic.

By lunch, some students spent their free cut for leisure.

"I think, okay na ako," ani ni Hallyx.

"It was just three hours passed, saying that you're okay is a lie," I said with the tone of doubt .

"Ayoko ko nang nakaratay," sabi niya at nakatingin sa akin habang walang ekspresyon ang mukha.

Nailing na lang ako at dinala ang bag niya. Tumayo na siya sa kama.

Binabantayan ko ang bawat kilos niya at bawat hakbang niya.

Nang makalabas kami sa clinic ay agad siyang lumanghap ng hangin. Seems like she was jailed and this is her pardon.

"Hangin, pumasok ka sa lungs ko, dumaloy ka sa dugo ko," rinig kong sabi niya. That kind of words from her makes me smile.

Lumabas kami ng gate, I readied myself to ride on jeep but she just crossed the street. Pupuntahan ba niya ang mga bata?

"Hey, where we will go? You are sick, and home is the place for you. You should worry to yourself not just in those kids," I scold at her.

Hinabol ko siya sa paglalakad, then she faced me while walking backwards.

"First, hindi ako pupunta sa madudungis na bata, lalo na't may sakit ako. Pangalawa, ako lang ang pupunta. Kung gusto mong sumama, huwag mo akong pangaralan at pangatlo, salamat sa tulong."