White Wall

16: Calla Lily

Calla Lilies
JUV'S POV

"Honestly, I want to ask what is your general average on report card that you don't know. I want to ask what anesthesia you are using, I think it's infinitely more effective than what I am using that you... You can't feel and can't even stumbled an hint,”  I speeched, “...na gusto kita," I confessed.

The noise from surrounding can't  even lessen the awkwardness between Hallyx and I.

That was the first time that she bacame speechless. She faced in front and I think, she keeps trying to swallow what I've just declared.

"Gago," I uttered. That word was from me. "That should be your line. Go tell it. I want to hear it."

I don't like it, when she's just quiet. I want her to open it up to me. Just like the first time...

"So," she said, then cleared her throat," galit sa akin si Anisa kasi ako ang gusto ng muscle sa loob ng ribcage mo na tumitibok-tibok?"

Natulala ako ng ilang segundo at tumugon.  "Yeah, but to be fair enough, she gave her phone number when I asked for your number. You should be mad at her also. I though we texted for a week but it just... a hoax. I feel betrayed actually. I think she's guilty? "

"Nasaktan siya," mahinang usal niya na may kasama pa'ng buntong hininga.

"This is not a mortification," I reminded myself.

The awkwardness eating us maybe now bloated. I demand for diarrhea

"Huwag," she said and she looked at me directly. I think she was trying again to play it cool. "Huwag mo akong gustuhin."

"Ah?" I just uttered. "Tell to a waterfall not to fall from height?"

"Hindi tayo bagay," aniya. Napatungo siya at bumuntong hininga.

Then I pictured myself with her, me as a freak with this clever chic.

"Just because I'm a nobody?" I asked. She immediately lifted up her face with creased forehead. "I just confessed, I don't want just to be in the corner watching you with other man that, I know, way better than me. I'm a freak... I know j-just treat me good."

"Bakit? Pangit ba ang pakikitungo ko?" she then asked with shrewish look.

"No, I mean, after this confession I know you will treat me differently, I think more awkward?"

"Just forget, I will cause you pain or vice versa," she said. "My story is not romance, may be a horror at oo, tragic. Tragic ang buhay ko at hindi romance, okay? Umalis ka sa buhay ko kung romance genre ka. Shoo!"

"Not going to happen."

"Mangyayari," she replied.

"Am I rejected?" bigla kong tanong sa kanya matapos.

"You are conserved."

***

The days and weeks passed, just like flipping the pages of book. At first, Hallyx and I breathed the awkwardness but then again, with her cleverness, we became more open to each other. Well it's more painful for me. 'cause that screams that I am just— I don't know, I'm tired of being Nothing to her.