Follow You Into The Dark - Shane Walsh [ the walking dead ]

Chapter Eighteen

She was gone.

Sophia ran away, scared by one of the dead ones. She ran to the forest, and till now, she hadn't come back. Rick followed after her, while everyone stayed behind. I know Shane could see something had changed within me.

He was starting to feel. But i wasn't going to let himself get killed because of his feelings towards me. Because i knew i had that bad luck. The bad luck that made me lose the ones i loved, the ones that i cared about. I sat on the hood of my jeep, twirling the knife in my hands as i looked ahead of us. Carol and mom were inside the RV as the mother couldn't face her daughter being gone. I couldn't blame her in the slightest, she had every reason to e upset and emotional. That was her kid, her baby girl. God knows what i would do if that was my kid.

That was one of the reasons why my heart ached. It was so stupid, really, being overwhelmed by these emotions when the world has ended. But back in the day that was what we had, we were moved by our emotions. And now, we needed to be moved by our actions. I couldn't, even tho i knew my heart ached, just by looking at him from the place that i was, i couldn't. This world wasn't made for love. It wasn't made for caring for someone. In this world, you needed to be able to let her go way before she was gone.

And the doctor's voice echoed inside my mind. I couldn't risk it. Even tho i wanted, every fiber in my body wanted to be with him, i refused to let my emotions rule me.

'' You have these look '' I ear T-Dog mutter beside me, his face was covered in sweat and grease.

'' I'm just thinking '' I look at the African-American man.

'' She's going to be alright '' He says, but all i could hear was the man trying to convince himself of that.

Maybe Edwin was right. Maybe hope was a false prophecy in the world we lived in now. And the dark thoughts were already pledging my mind. If i stayed .....

I nod at the man, not having the nicest words to say. I would never be the pessimist person to say someone was dead already, let alone a child.

'' Hey Ashley, look what I've found '' I see little Carl running in my direction as he holds a bag of weapons. I chuckle, jumping from the hood of the car. T-Dog leans on it as i take the weapons from Carl. I put the weapons on the hood of the jeep, as Carl jumps on my back, his tiny arms going around my neck as he keeps himself from falling.

'' Let's see what you had found, lil' pirate '' I joke with him as i open the bag.

There were serious weapons inside, weapons that would come in handy.

'' Woww '' Me and T-Dog say at the same time, marveled by the weaponry.

'' Can i keep one? '' Carl asks, his shin on top of my shoulder as he looks at the weapons with curiosity.

'' First, you need to ask your parents '' I put Carl on the hood of the jeep as he looks at me with his big blue eyes. '' And then, you need to ask uncle Shane and dad to help you not hurt yourself ''

'' But im a big boy, i can handle them '' He whines, sad about not being able to keep a weapon for him.

'' I'm sure of it '' I nod, smiling at the kid '' But these ain't toys, even i hurt myself sometimes. Imagine if you cut a finger off? '' I say, probably not the best words to say to a kid. But it seemed to convince him.

'' I don't want to lose a finger. I just want to help protect us all ''

'' I know you do '' I fix his hair, which had fallen on his eyes. '' And you will believe me when i say you will be able to. ''

'' Thank you '' I hear Lori right behind me say, as she stands in front of her child. She looks at me with a small smile on her face in appreciation. '' Now big boy, let's go make some company to Dale. '' She says, looking at the bag.

'' You're good with kids '' The man that was keeping me company says, once Lori and Carl walk away.

'' I used to not be so fond of them back in the day '' I look at him as he chuckles.

Daryl and Rick came back minutes later. With no Sophia insight . Carol cried, falling to the ground as mom tried to soothe her cries. I took a deep breath and turned around from the scene. I was going to keep looking for stuff we needed, couldn't face the group right now, I couldn't face my best friend, my mom, and him.

I chuckle to myself, how did I end up like this? He was in love with his best friend's wife and here I was, looking at him like I just kicked his puppy and was trying to apologize. I had to get rid of everything that happened between us that night at the C.D.C. As I said, it was just pent-up frustration.

Crystal's words pledged my mind.

There was a time where I was ruled by my emotions and I thought with my heart and not with my head. That changed quickly when I saw how the world had turned and the last phone call to my mom. If i didn't stop myself, if my best friend didn't stop me from walking out the door, I would be dead as of right now, because I was thinking with my heart, I was being ruled by my emotions. But in this world, I couldn't let myself feel. I could care about people, hell, I cared about everyone in this group. I just couldn't care too much, because life has proven itself to me. In one quick moment, everything I care about will be taken away from me.

'' Hey '' His voice makes me jump in the stop, I was so lost in my goddamn mind I didn't hear him coming. '' You might want to reduce the perimeter '' He spoke, I turned around a bit to look at him.

'' Don't worry 'bout it '' I spoke, colder than I had intended.

'' Are we gonna have the same conversation over and over again? '' He asks, hands on his hips.

'' What conversation? '' I ask, dropping the duffel bag inside the car once again, as there was nothing I could take.

'' Really? '' He asks, his mood was starting to change and I felt he was getting mad at me. Who cared? Not me. '' You too far from the group, if anything happens we won't be able to hear you ''

'' I can take care of myself Shane '' I turn around, going to the next car.

'' Yeah? If it wasn't for me, you would have frozen in the spot when that herd passed. You still think you can handle yourself? '' He angrily says, as he takes a few steps towards me.

My hands clenched into fists. If he only knew why that happened.

'' Why don't you go back to the group Shane, and leave me the fuck alone? '' I spat at him, as I open the door of the car. Decayed fingers try to grab my body, but im quick on driving my knife through its brain. Grabbing the dead creature from the car and throwing it to the ground. Now I was pissed.

I ear him sigh, it sounded off relief. But I didn't acknowledge it. I wanted to be left alone.

'' You gonna make me carry you upfront? '' He touches my shoulder, to make me turn around and look at him. I look at him, face full of rage. '' I don't get you, one minute everything's okay with you, the next you're pissed at me. You wanna hold hands? Is that it? '' He provokes me, trying to pry a reaction out of me. I choose the silent treatment, as I open the trunk of the car. ''Then let's do it, we're gonna hold hands. Ashley, talk to me. Since we left the C.D.C something changed, what was it? '' He pleads, and for a second I want to let all of my worries and fears out, but I couldn't. I had agreed with Rick not to talk about it until we had a safe spot to lay low, and I couldn't say what I was starting to feel. Because I was still trying to put those emotions in the farthest place my mind could have.

I was not about to spill my guts to Shane.

'' Please Shane '' I look at him with a pleading look '' Just...let me be. I need the silence ''