One Hundred Shades of Forever.

Chapter Twenty Nine.

Chapter Twenty Nine. 

            We were at the arena now and he still hasn’t said a single word to me. When he got out of the shower I tried to apologize but got the cold shoulder as he got ready and locked the door again. I don’t understand why he’s making such a big deal out of it I mean come on, really? He’s overreacting.

             It would be one thing if Ben and I had been in a relationship for like a year or something but we literally only kissed one flipping time. If I had known it would cause this much drama or this big of a fight I wouldn’t have done it. Well, if I had known I would be here with Justin again I certainly wouldn’t have done it.

            I was standing against the wall as I watched Justin take pictures with his fans and would do anything to make the silence go away between us. He glanced at me ever so often when a picture was done and when he caught me looking he looked away again and towards another fan. Why the hell do we always have to be in these stupid fights? It never used to be like this.

            “Chantel.” He smiled, pulling her in for a hug. “So glad you could make it.”

            All feeling left my body when I saw her arms go around him and the anger immediately coursed through my veins, every ounce of fight I had left just completely going out the window. What the hell kind of idea was this? Did he honestly think having one of his side chicks come here and grope all over him would make me jealous?

            I have to admit, I hated seeing anyone else’s hands on him but I was more upset with him than I was her. I was devastated and the trust issues I was starting to put back just went right up again and when he looked my way he probably expected me to go over there and fight for him but I was done. I’m not dealing with this shit anymore and I’m not dealing with the trust issues or the insecurities or the feeling of not being good enough. He’s a complete jackass and he doesn’t deserve my time in the least bit.

            The security glanced curiously at me as I pushed them aside so I could leave and fortunately for me, Justin still had a couple minutes left of his meet and greet so I could get the time to leave. I wasn’t crying and I wasn’t in a panic attack. I just knew this would happen and he’d do something to screw it up again and now here I am, in the middle of London trying to find my way back to the hotel so I can just pack and leave.

            It wasn’t until I was seated in the taxicab that I remembered I was pregnant.

            Almost like a ton of bricks just fell completely onto my chest, I covered my hand over my mouth and that’s when the tears started to flow, coming onto my cheeks as I held back the sobs and waited to get to the hotel. Now that I’m pregnant it’s not that easy to leave. I can’t just give up when we have a child on the way but then again, it’d be unfair to the child to keep fighting like this and to keep having stress. Maybe being back in New York was what I needed for a couple of months to just be away from him so I could calm down and just think things out. I never thought about it rationally about getting back with Justin. I fell way too hard and way too quickly back in love with him and when he was at the airport and I was home alone I just wanted to be with him because I missed him. But that’s the thing with us.

            We may miss each other and we may have the best sex ever but it’s like whenever we get back together we always fight non-stop. I don’t know how to stop it and if I could stop the cycle I would but as much as I’d be better off living without him I’d be crushed not being with him. We fight all the time, we scream each other’s heads off, but I love him. I don’t know how to explain that to anyone else even if I tried but I loved him. I just think the best thing to do is just for me to be in New York and for him to be here for the time being until we can figure whatever the hell is wrong with us out.